How Many Drunks Does it Take to Hang Wallpaper?

What seems like more fun after a few cocktails than trying to conquer a wallpapering project?

It’s what all the cool kids do on a Friday night, right?

Right?

Fun times

Happy and Happier about to embark on tasks better left to the sober.

While I was perusing my mothership Target last week, I discovered peel and stick wallpaper that stopped me dead in my tracks (the cart actually made screeching sound).

All the pretty paper

How could I refrain from the fabulousness?

You see, I have a pretty drab (i.e. not gaudy enough for me) wall that is screaming for some sprucing up in my mini manse and for $30, I could chevron the shit out of the bland area.

Ho hum wall.

No worries – help is coming by way of two drunks!

I was able to coerce my handy buddy Camo after a couple of Skinny Pirates at our local watering hole into hanging (of course the poor guy believed me when I said I’d help) the cool new decor I’d found.

Here are the supplies you will need:

Captain Morgan (or libation of your choice)

Wallpaper (we suggest peel and stick)

Scissors (leopard print cuts better)

Tape measure (to hopefully watch someone else use)

Razor blade (just in case things don’t work out)

Supplies

Winning with supplies.

You will also need one pissy pussy to assist as project manager.

Plus one grounch project manager who just wnated to cuddle

Someone is miffed that wallpapering comes before cuddling.

After removing the mirror, I documented the transformation as Camo carefully laid the first piece of paper with ease.

Watch Document

He’s hired.

Ted dictated our his every move.

Watch  Supervise

Overbearing authority.

Camo had everything under control until I saw bubbles forming underneath my wall sticker.

Wrinkles be damned!

Wrinkles be damned!

Then in between sips of Skinny Pirates, I got my paws on the stuff and wrinkled it into a crumbly mess.

Made worse by yours truly WRinkle ruiner

CBXB wallpaper fail.

After I managed to single-handedly thwart any and all wallpapering attempts, Camo suggested a paint job which I thought sounded like a genius idea as I could sit and watch document for this post.

Drunk painting party!

Drunk painting party!

Supervising

My arms got tired taking pictures.

And after all of the nonsense, the wall turned out pretty damn perfect.

Tah-Dah!

Tah-Dah!

So obviously two drunks don’t make a wallpapering right.

But what would happen if one went at it alone?

Second round of tools

Supplies for one, round two.

Bound and determined I was going to get this damn wallpaper up in my mini manse if it was the last thing I ever did, another boring wall was selected for me to manhandle.

Blah

My prey.

Rolling out the chevron sticker in my kitchen kinda made me wish this was a rug (wine makes the mind wander, doesn’t it?).

Chevron carpet

Mesmerized by measuring.

Once I thought the wallpaper was ready to go up, I quickly had to stop and guzzle a glass of vino as the fucking wrinkles, bubbles and creases reared their ugly heads again.

Not so much...same outcome, different night?

Why is this happening? WHY?!

Upon using wine as an alternative to Xanax, I calmly kept forging ahead in my not-so-perfect project because by God this was going to work.

After two hours of cussing, sweating, swearing, drinking and fighting through the urge to burn the wallpaper, the stars suddenly aligned and my luck turned a corner for the better.

As I stepped back to admire my minor accomplishment, I had a feeling I’d soon be known as a world-renowned wallpaper hanger upper.

Nope!

One drunk = a wallpaper success!

Until I got a little closer for a look at remaining imperfections from the sloppy installer.

Don't look too close

Too bad you can’t Botox walls.

Upon taking a further step back, I realized the job was lacking something pretty major…

Completion.

Half assed from one drunk

Half-assed wallpapering at its finest.

Maybe three drunks will be my lucky charm?

I’ll keep you posted.
CBXB

CBXB!

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56 thoughts on “How Many Drunks Does it Take to Hang Wallpaper?

  1. aliciabenton says:

    How freakin’ cool does that look?! Impressive!

  2. I dig the black, and the pattern goes really well. As for hanging wallpaper, better you than me. Haha. I’ll be glad to occupy Ted on your porch, adult beverages and water bowl to boot.

  3. It’s killing me…

    Good to the see that you had the priorities right though… :)

  4. I am withholding wallpaper review as I am kinda sorta obsessed in love with the flamingo!!!

  5. markbialczak says:

    I think you need to find a stick-on wallpaper design where the bubbles and crinkles make it look better, CBXB! (Which, with the Chevron, I agree with you wholeheartedly that they most certainly do not!)

    Camo scores a big point for drunk-hanging and then drunk-painting. Dude brought it at the mini-manse.

    Ted scores a big point for not showing up for any shot with Chevron sticky pattern anywhere on his body.

    (Where is New Cat during the ordeal, by the way?)

    And you score a big point for even mentioning a three-drunk third try. Yippeeeeeeeee.

    • New Cat was in the hallway, chasing his tail while the peel and stick wallpaper shenanigans were taking place.

      Camo earned himself another appearance at the mini manse to try to make my third round drinking while wallpapering project a success (or at this point, a semi-success)…

  6. Tracy says:

    You are VERY brave to do wallpaper, even the peel and stick. I would have thrown it across the room!!!

  7. Whew. I love how you’re bold enough to do wild printed wall paper…not to mention black…on your walls. Thought for sure it would be pink, then bedazzled. ;-)

    • Well, I didn’t want to over do it in my living room. I saved the pink sparkly paper and the bedazzles for my closet, bedroom and bath! I was hesitant to try black paint but I absolutely love it – somehow, someway in my mini manse, it actually looks chic. Pick your jaw up off the floor!

  8. It looks cool, but on a Friday night here in NYC I can think of a lot better ways to get my drink on!

    Also, Ted does not look amused.

  9. Jolene says:

    That was great! I would have done a worst job sober.

  10. JMC813 says:

    Okay add one to the list. Do NOT drink and drive, Do NOT drink and text, Do NOT drink and phone an ex, Do NOT drink and use power tools, and now, last but not least, Do NOT drink and wallpaper. Looks cool tho. Love the black wall idea, and the chevron’s are kick ass too. Hope it all eventually comes together. Then you can do it up right and DRINK and ADMIRE. You rock as usual CBXB. Have a good one.

    • As usual, I love the way you think! And I have committed your list to memory of do NOTs while drinking. Wallpaper included. And the wall still isn’t finished. But I’m picking up a bottle of wine after work, so I’ll keep ya posted!

  11. Mitzie Mee says:

    Agree with the comment above. That flamingo rocks! But the made-over wall looks nice. Did I spot a pink bottle of Captain M?
    Btw. I send you an email (to that gmail address on your site):)

    • Hey MM! The flamingo is my mascot (aside from Ted, of course). And you did spot a pink bottle of Captain M. One of my girlfriends bedazzled a bottle for me last year for my birthday. One of my most prized possessions! Been behind on my emails. Will check it out, Girl!

  12. I think it’s seriously awesome and you did a great job. One of these days, while bored, Ted and NC will discover one of the bubbles and you’ll come home to find a hunk of wallpaper missing.

    • I have this sneaking suspicion that you are spot on with your prediction of the cats with a bubble. Thanks for the compliment though – I don’t see myself trying this on any other wall but I do love it!

  13. kellisamson says:

    I wondered if that stuff was any good! That paint job really did the trick on that wall! I need a friend like Camo!!

  14. VivBlogs says:

    I just got the chills when you mentioned that leopardprint scissors cut better. I have leopard print scissors! I’ve had them for 15 years and they have a sticker on them that says “no one uses these but Viv!” I can see how self sticking wallpaper can go wrong. With the old-fashioned kind you can use a squeegee to work out the air bubbles. The self stick kind are a one time deal. The end result looks great though, and like about everything I do, it looks great unless you get too close. But what kind of freak would get down on his hands and knees and inspect your wallpaper

    • Leopard Scissor Sister! I should have KNOWN that you have the same! And you’ve had yours for fifteen years? I’m so pumped to hear that because I seriously love these damn scissors and wan them to last forever. No freaks are allowed to get closer than 12 inches to the wall, so as the wallpaperappearance remains ‘perfect’….

  15. SerachShiro says:

    Love the design of the gorgeous wallpaper and I think you had great fun during the elaboration ! Camo is a great friend :) !

  16. Wallpapering sucks!

  17. FreeUrCloset says:

    Alright sista, hand ovah the flamingo and no one gets hurt! I HAVE to know where to get one of those …
    Don’t you know chevron was meant to be trippy by design (no wonder I’m so drawn to it, lol), so taking that into consideration, you did a fantastic world-renowned wallpaper hanger upper job!

    XOXO Nensi

    • Nensi – I knew you would understand my love and devotion to all things designed trippy! Thanks for the compliments. And that’s not just a flamingo. It’s a GLAMINGO! I will keep my eyes peeled for you and grab it if I see one.

  18. FreeUrCloset says:

    Yes, a GLAMINGO is ‘must’ in any fashionable household! Have a fabulous week luv!

  19. stylentonic says:

    Hahaha! Many! ;-)

  20. Wow, you’re brave! I like it, I agree with you that it would make a cool rug.

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