My Cat is Bitchier Than Your Cat

How my feline friend lead me to become a creative master in the art of reupholstering.

Teddy Bear can really be a little bitch sometimes.

Touchy Teddy B, sticking his tongue out instead of smiling. He’s worse than a Jr. High girl going through puberty. Seriously.

Lately, I might as well be getting up to nurse an f’ing newborn because TB starts meowing (in which he sounds like a tiny sheep) around 3am. Then he comes in a little closer to the bed at 3:04 am. A little louder and just out of arm’s reach at 3:07am. I put the pillow over my head, turn my sound machine up and all of a sudden my little sheep cat is roaring his head off like a lion.

When he first started doing this, I’d get up to coax him back to bed but he wanted to play chase. Such fun every night at 3:13am.  I would go to pick him up and he’d run (for what seemed like his life – I might as well have been threatening to de-claw him with pliers) under the kitchen table. As soon as I’d crouch down by the table, he’d race into the bathroom behind the toilet, and so on…therefore, I started to ignore him.  Because he’s really just seeing if I will get up and give into him, right?

Well, this cat means business. So much so, I was considering how to reupholster a section of my vintage sofa.  As I was getting my beauty sleep amid the white noise of my sound machine (on the highest volume setting) TB was up to no good.

Here’s Ted’s interpretation of a temper tantrum (again, like a Jr. High girl):

Teddy Krueger at his finest.

Of course I couldn’t find the little shit when I discovered this treasure and racked my brain contemplating how to patch this corner (the front, exposed so everyone can see it corner, naturally).  And I came up with a solution that fit right in with my eclectic, budget conscious household. Duct tape.

Growing up, I my dad taught me that duct tape can fix anything (even your big, red glasses in 3rd grade. You simply put the duct tape over the piece that snapped off, which in my case was right in the middle, where the glasses sit on one’s nose and pretend as if nothing is wrong. Which is why much to my delight, I was nicknamed Ducky. Kids are so sweet). In my current case, applying my father’s knowledge, I found leopard duct tape and ‘reupholstered’ the corner of my couch.

Cheapest (and probably cheapest looking) DIY job ever! But it does the trick.

The $4 duct tape fix. Leopard duct tape, $3.99 for one roll. Target. Dad’s practical solution!

In reality, Teddy was just trying to help me spruce up my space a tad. Because once he got his claw stuck in the duct tape, he never set his sights on my couch again. Oh, and those 3am wake up cries? Seems he was needing food, as I was forgetting to feed him before bed (guess this would be why I don’t have kids). So now, I feed the damn bear at night and all of my furniture has remained in tact. For now.


12 thoughts on “My Cat is Bitchier Than Your Cat

  1. JK Bevill - Lost Creek Publishing says:

    Reblogged this on lost creek publishing.

  2. Lol, really sorry for your sofa- although it does give it a stylish twist. Just recently I talked to my friend, who has two cats, about how cats can be so merciless and do things on purpose to actually punish you. With a flat mate for example you could at least talk things over and settle it before they take apart the whole flat…

  3. Dean says:

    Seems like Teddy Krueger needs to go back to the boiler room!!

  4. Oh Sid Vicious, how I can feel your pain! Punkin Money may take after Dixon sooner rather than later….but let’s hope not! 🙂

  5. Sid vicious says:

    Oh, how I can relate. When Punkin Monet doesn’t get his way, he scratches on the back of my designer (by me) chairs. Cats figure out what makes you react and that becomes their go to method. Like the late Dixon who would hang on the screens in order to be let in. He could have sat patiently at the door and meowed, but he realized I jump up much faster when he’s shredding my screen. Thankfully, Punkin Monet has not figured this trick out…yet.
    Be good Teddy!

  6. Six might need food 🙂 Don’t make the same mistake I did or you’ll be needing your own duct tape!

  7. Thanks Shaded Lines! Took a minute to get my creative juices flowing for the problem fix. Isn’t it funny how our cats can ‘claim’ a territory all of their own to scratch? Good luck keeping your loveseat in tact!

  8. Amanda says:

    I hear you! You know I have 3 very bad kitties as well. Six likes to meow all night and harass the other 2.

  9. My oldest cat has decided the corners of the loveseat are her scratching post….tearing down tape, ignoring don’t scratch spray, etc! But I love the patterned duct tape! Stylish and hopefully gets Teddy to stop!

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