Go Ahead. Make My Day.

Stop. Or I’ll shoot (because now I know how to handle a gun)!

I may not hit you. The bullet might nick your ear or rustle the hair on the side of your head and that’s OK…I just really want to scare the living shit out of you (well not you, actually).

My real live stuffed animal Ted and I live happily together in a cozy duplex (I lovingly refer to as my mini-manse).  So when someone started messing around with my surroundings I wasn’t so much scared as I was territorial. And extremely pissed off.

Little mysterious happenstances occurred…it wasn’t that someone was harassing me outright but just enough to make me take notice (window locks broken), enough to let me know they were around (a pile of cigarette butts by my car door in the morning that weren’t there the night before), enough to get some sort of security…enough to get my ass a gun.

A .38 special revolver lent to me (living in the gun happy South, many folks own more than one). The pink grip was a birthday gift from my firearm lovin’ buddy Chris (and yes, it can be changed back to black).

Upon acquiring a loaded firearm, I was feeling much more secure. So while I felt at ease, I had never shot a gun. Not even a bb gun (I couldn’t even make cool gun sounds – a capability all boys seem to be born –  with when I was a kid).  Maybe it would be a good idea to know how to handle the gun so as not to accidentally point and shoot at shadows, possibly hitting myself in my foot (which would be tragic, as I love my heels).

Sharing my need to obtain skills, my buddy found a ‘ladies shoot free’ day at a gun range near work.  So over lunch (only in the South would you be able to shoot guns over your lunch hour…how red neck of me…but let’s not forget I’m already fabulously trashy (see anything in my Grizzie category), therefore, I don’t give a rat’s ass what you think) we headed to the range.

We arrived to a grimy, dingy, seedy (get the picture?) building, complete with bars on the windows.  After signing in, we received our ear (which look just like fancy headphones but sucked because they were communal. Yuck) and eye (snazzy yellow-tinted glasses) protection and headed downstairs.

Prior to actually shooting a gun, I was feeling very bad ass. Like a big, dorky, bad ass with kick ass accessories.

The first few times I pulled the trigger I was startled not only due to the loudness of a shot but also due to the ricocheting casings that flew off the ceiling, coming back to bite me on the head (insert screams – at first I thought they were bullets – how blonde of me).

Focused on trying to hit the target…anywhere.

My trigger finger is apparently the weakest link on my body (why the hell does this look so easy on TV shows?) because I was having to use two fingers after about 5 shots (insert excuses as to why my bullets were hitting the floor and ceiling instead of the target).

Did I really hit it? Or is that just a black spec?

Hells yes I hit it! And then almost shot my gunpanion in all of my excitement.

While taking a break from my cockiness of mediocre shooting ability, (and resting my throbbing hand and aching finger) I was able to pose for one more threatening picture:

Stop! Or I’ll shoot…if I don’t giggle you to death first (way too much red neck fun at the gun range…maybe I do have a little Southern blood in my veins).

And now for the grand tamale of my White Trash Wednesday (I know, I know, how can I possibly top a lunch break at the gun range?)… I decided to display my moderate (but in my mind kick ass) abilities and scare the bejesus out of anyone lurking around my duplex.

A poor girl’s security alarm. Scared, aren’t you?

Who wouldn’t be terrified upon seeing a target with actual bullet holes hanging on a front door (no one has to know I took aim 12,346 times to achieve the 22 bullet holes actually making contact with the paper). But since my security guard has hung on my front door, no mysterious incidents have occurred around my place…maybe they’re scared of a red neckish, unabashedly trashy girl with a gun.

So go ahead, make my day.


4 thoughts on “Go Ahead. Make My Day.

  1. Phil Lanoue says:

    I’m likin’ those pink grips on the .38!
    Did anybody mention to you about not wearing a low cut V neck shirt when firing a semi auto? Those hot shells flying back toward you can be fun when they land in between the girls. 😯 Or so a few of my lady friends have told me. 🙂
    Glad to see you were learning to shot, I encourage my friends to be safe out there.

    • My buddy who gave me the ear protectors also gave me the grips for my last birthday. Clever dude, huh?! And yes, I thought I was going to DIE because the shells flew in my shirt, on my head into the glasses I was wearing. I still want to get my permit here in TN but haven’t yet. Mostly I have a gun to help my attack cat Ted out in case of emergency while he’s defending my honor…that and peace of mind.

  2. ogpeelar says:

    I seriously laughed my butt loud. Only cuz I’m going hunting this year and only have shot a gun 2 x lol my husband says you don’t need to be a pro just point aim shoot…. I’m good at that… as long as the object isn’t moving! :/ ha ha but way cute gun and congrats on not being harrassed anymore

    • Happy to make you laugh! Although, it’s true. You only have to point…but the shooting part was harder than I thought it would be – obviously! Good luck on the hunt and prepare your trigger finger by exercising it beforehand (take it from this pro).

Holla at me!

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