With many Americans gearing up to travel over the river and through the woods for Thanksgiving, is it possible to make a 1,000 journey seem bearable?
Well, of course it is. It’s all in how you approach your trip.
First, you need something to eat.
Filling up on cheap spirits (they have to last nine hours, so don’t get anything top shelf) will help you pass some time. If you drink just enough, you will get out of your leg of driving, (clever, yes. Well received by other passengers? Not so much. But who cares, you’re ready for karaoke in the car).
Car karaoke is performed by travelers who are just drunk enough to play one CD ad nauseam and sing every word (that they don’t know – it is a constant mumble until the chorus) so the most annoying passenger (usually me), wants to throw themselves out of the moving vehicle to prevent their brains turning to mush. It is imperative to pack good tunes or you might turn yourself into roadkill.
Take pictures of machinery indigenous to the region of the country in which you are traveling. It will provide endless confusion as to what the object you just photographed could be…
Make sure you bring a coat to put over your head to ensure privacy during phone conversations.
Presents are a good way to distract the impatient folks who incessantly ask that dreaded question, to which you can reply, “No we’re not there yet but how ’bout a gift?”
Every time you stop to get gas, be sure to get a snack. And also NEVER wear non-elastic pants in the car (they won’t expand with all of your mindless eating out of boredom).
And hopefully, when you arrive to your final destination, Grandma is waiting just as anxiously as Teddy impatiently waits for my return home.
Now you have all of the tools needed to quickly pass the nine hours it takes to get to your crazy relative’s house for the massive amounts of turkey, stuffing, yams, turkey, mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese, turkey, green beans, pumpkin pie and turkey.
Just don’t forget your drawstring pants for the ride home.