How to Create a Pissy Portrait

You know those fancy paintings rich (and/or famous) people have hanging of themselves in their homes?

Well, I took it upon myself to recreate one. At least in photo form.

My mom recently accompanied me to my holiday work party at Fontanel Mansion, the former home of country superstar Barbara Mandrell   (I cried when I saw her at the grocery store like a teenage girl seeing Justin Bieber – no shit). Not only is my mom fun, she is quite the elf and party assistant, helping me look good in front of my boss man.

That, and she indulges my need for making a complete asshole out of myself in front of others (co-workers in this case).

This gorgeous mother-daughter painting by Dick Zimmerman hangs in the Fontanel Mansion dining room for visitors to ogle when touring the manse.

This painting hangs in the Fontanel formal dining room.

Barbara and her daughter, Jaime captured in a classy piece of art.

Since my company had the entire mansion for our party, I seized the opportunity to recreate my version of this painting. It only made sense (perfectly to me).

Before you view our rendition I must tell you that the serious picture expression (insert image of any model/actress/dignitary/politician) is not something the ladies in my family do well.  When I try to look ‘sexy’ in a photo, I just look plain pissed.

But regardless, here’s how our impromptu photo shoot turned out…

help

It was nothing but laughs as we were assisted in posing.

And then Mom started to take her role a little more seriously than I did.

Take Two

I just couldn’t help myself.

And once I started laughing, I just couldn’t stop (like when you’re supposed to be quiet in yoga but somebody audibly farts and you turn into an 8-year-old and giggle ’til you cry).

Mom is trying harder than I

This is just so f’ing funny.

But seriously.  There’s a reason my family is predispositioned to smile because when we don’t, we look like this…

In all seriousness

Yeah. That’s right. We’re pissed at you.

Which is why I prefer my mother-daughter rendition to be remembered as this…

Taken with a sparkle lens. Yes, I said a sparkle lens!

All smiles by a sparkly tree.

Duplicate fancy, rich people portraits at your own risk – I speak from experience.

CBXB

30 thoughts on “How to Create a Pissy Portrait

  1. You and your mom are adorable together! And I like the pissy “don’t mess with us” looks!

  2. Tracy says:

    The photo of you and your mom with the tree in the background is fabulous!

  3. journeyman1977 says:

    hilarious post as always….glad your mom indulged you, M 🙂

  4. Both are great, but I love the sparkly tree version as well

  5. Courtney Evans says:

    Beautiful ladies and I don’t like the frowns at all!

  6. Awww you guys rock! Love your photos! Made me giggle!

  7. dannadesigns says:

    Awesome! I love your “Pissy Portrait”…You both nailed it!

  8. Oh man… the only thing that could make that painting better, is if it were painted on black velvet. Bahahahahaha!! Amazing!!

  9. Nancy says:

    Love the sparkly portrait by tree. It is totally both YOU!! You are right about our family not smiling in photo shoots. Like T says about his 18 month old. She has two moods, HAPPY and TOTALLY PISSED OFF!!

  10. petit4chocolatier says:

    You two are adorable; love it!!!

  11. That last picture is too adorable, awww. I don’t want to be a spoilsport but you look gorge in all of the pictures – so does mom. Love the hairdo!
    x, Nadine
    http://www.theflamboyante.com

  12. lycly says:

    Awwww! So cute!! You and your mom and both so pretty!

  13. 1EarthUnited says:

    Your stories are hilariously great, and your family rocks!

  14. Bill Hayes says:

    A famous portrait painter once said that “a portrait is a likeness of some one with something not quite right about the mouth”

    It sounds fun in your house!

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