Do These Boots Make My Calves Look Fat?

Why yes, yes they do.

Living in Nashville the closest department store we have that could be called semi-chic would be our teeny, tiny Nordstrom. While visiting Miami, I got giddy (like leave nose and finger prints on the outside glass window giddy) as I perused the luxury stores at the Bal Harbor Shops.  When I sat down to try on upscale (compared to my Nine West usuals) boots, I felt like Cinderella getting to try on fancy footwear I drool over online.

After about three seconds, I found my fairy tale boots.

Oh Baby

Oh yeah. I’m in Bal Harbor, pawing every boot in sight!

Oh the highly coveted red soles....sigh.

Oh the highly coveted red soles….sigh.

Then I slid my foot in, expecting for my life to be suddenly transformed when I zipped them up and strut about the store. And that’s when the storybook magic abruptly stopped.

So you're sayin' there's a chance?

The life changing moment.

And, my life was transformed. I discovered I had fat calves from f’ing running up Nashville hills and these boots would only zip for a rich, skinny calf. Now I was the ugly step sister, not Cinderella.

I wish I didn't run hills.

Look how far the zipper is from closing!

The clock didn’t even need to strike midnight before my boot dreams were dashed.


Turning to pumpkins before my very eyes!

But never fear, my ultra generous Fairy Godmother appeared! And after a wave of her wand, I was gifted these fabulous, non-calf-discriminating boots (which are beyond gorgeous and way more my speed than the knee-high (or what I call hooker) boots)!

They look so good outside of my Laundry Wing

Thank God my ankles are skinny!

And poof!  I was transformed into the Belle of Chanel.

Now how do I ration calories from my calves?

Seriously. How?



40 thoughts on “Do These Boots Make My Calves Look Fat?

  1. Bracetty says:

    Omg! This was soooooo cute and You’re so beautiful <33
    Don’t give up on (hooker) boots lol. Find a pair that will fit your legs. You’ll look great in them! (:
    The pair you got are soo cute too

  2. 1EarthUnited says:

    Hooker boots r 4 hookers, nuf said. Wear what makes you feel good, you look awesome BTW. 🙂

  3. Sarah Ostrow says:

    I love those! My friend has the brown pair but she is tall an skinny (with skinny calves). I have always wanted a pair but didn’t know if they’d fit or look good on me (I am short with BIG calves). Thanks for the suggestions!

  4. Healthy Glow Nutrition says:

    Love the boots 🙂 I used to work in a high end shoe/clothing store ages ago. When women with nicely toned calves like yours would come in and couldn’t zip the boots up we offered a service. We worked with an AMAZING shoe maker who stretched the boots to fit. (it was a gradual process but it worked) The customers were so happy. I love the ankle boots you found as well but if you ever want the tall boots consider asking a shoe maker (a good one) to see if they can work with you 🙂 Éva

  5. elkeeb says:

    Those non calf discriminating boots are fabulous! By the way I nominated you for the sunshine ward:

  6. […] Cowboys and Crossbones- Cause she loves cocktails, fashion and nail art just as much as I do. […]

  7. breezyk says:

    I have big calves too from running- wear it like a badge of honour girl, you’re strong lol. And it looks like it saved you a few bucks on those louboutins anyway amiright?
    PS hot nails

    • You’re right on the saving dough – but fat calves? Eww gross! At least I’m not rich enough to buy fancy footwear, thus feeling bad about my lower legs – ever!! Thanks on the mani – it was a labor of love.

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