How to Go From Shitfaced to Sober While Watching a Sunset

Watching the sun go down in Key West is where you wanna be if you’re a tourist (and if I lived there, it’d be where you’d find me each and every evening with my Skinny Pirate in hand).

How does one catch the last of the day’s rays while in Key West?

First, you take a cocktail and grab a bike taxi. Then ogle over the 21-year old Serbian cycling dude while riding down the entire length of Duval Street.

blah blah

Please pedal as slowly as possible. Please.

I mean, the hair! The accent! Not to mention an always ready and able ride home from the bars. It may be true love.

In case you need a bike taxi while in Key West, call this number and request the Serbian

In case you need a bike taxi while in Key West, call this number and request the Serbian.

Once dropped at Mallory Square (a famous Key West spot folks flock to catch the sunset – complete with street performers), promptly get a cocktail and claim your spot on the dock losing yourself in the moment.

Deep thoughts with CBXB

Deep thoughts with CBXB…

Really, all I was thinking about was are they going to remake The Goonies? (you seriously thought I had serious thoughts? C’mon now!).

Holy Mary Mother of God - what a great movie (and boat).

Goonies never say die!

If you squint really hard, I'm pretty sure you can spot Sloth, Chunk and Data.

If you squint really hard, I’m pretty sure you can spot Sloth, Chunk, Data and Mikey…and wait – is that the Fratellis?!

But this is how gorgeous the sunset was before I stopped paying attention and wanted a Baby Ruth candy bar after I started thinking about the damn Goonies movie.



Once the sun is truly gone, you will need to take yourself and your cocktail down the pier to absorb all of the street performers. This daring juggler started out with fire….

My hair is highly flammable. Please don't drop that.

My hair is highly flammable. Please don’t drop that.

Flames just weren’t impressive enough, so he added a tomahawk and an ax to the show.

Fire, tomahawk and oh my!

I took four giant steps back when this occurred.

After getting a stomachache watching the young juggler (whose mom thinks he’s in college, by the way), there’s only one other thing to do. Get your palm read.

And let me tell you, nothing will take you from shitfaced to sober in three seconds flat like an Indian man telling you about you and your life. Mr. Mahadeo Jerrybanahan turned my drunk world upside down that night on Duval Street.

blah blah blah

All sobered up.

When I first sat down, MJ told me I hate (and he said hate) being told what to do (not a shock to anyone who knows me). He went on to say that I’m persuasive (you’re still reading this, right?!), convincing (you should go adopt a cat right now) and people like to be around me (give me some Captain and let’s get this party started!).

The sobering up started when he told me that I really dislike my stomach and have problems with it (I have Celiac’s Disease), I can have kids if I want (immediately making my arm pits perspire – but I’m already a fabulous cat mom!) and I will suffer great heartache (man, why did he have to tell me that?!).

While I was absorbing whatever kind of heart grief could be coming my way, Mr. Jerrybanahan told me that I would have two sources of income by the time I’m 50 and never again have to worry about money (um, I’m wishing this would start any day now) and that ultimately I will have a happy and fun life. Yeehaw!

After all of the life news, the night kinda seemed like this as my blonde, Captain’d up brain was processing the future….

blah blah

What just happened?!

And that my friends is how to sober up (and watch a beautiful sunset) in Key West. My palmist was already dead on about two things that evening – I was happy and having fun.




32 thoughts on “How to Go From Shitfaced to Sober While Watching a Sunset

  1. kellisamson says:

    I can almost feel that warm air just looking at the pic of you on the dock. Sigh!! Fortune tellers are interesting…I for sure grabbed on to the “you will travel to seven countries for free” part my senior year, and this summer it will have been officially correct. Let’s hope that money-making one is his gem! And I didn’t know you had Celiac’s!

    • What? Your fortune teller was right?! OMG! Fingers crossed mine wasn’t feeding me BS! And yes, Celiac’s – if I eat wheat, I look like Kate Hudson pregnant (the first time around where she gained 75 lbs). Very pretty sight!

      • kellisamson says:

        Ugh. I am friends with a family of dad and two kids with it, then the mom developed a severe wheat intolerance from not eating it enough. Around the Pacific NW, it’s getting really easy to be gluten-free. How about Tennessee? Fortune teller: let’s hope she wasn’t right about my 2 marriages and four kids. Then I’d be pissed. But I’ll take the free travel portion :).

      • Ha – on the fortune teller! I’ll keep my fingers crossed!
        Being gluten free is a big pain in the rear. BUT I feel better and all that is great and I’m glad there are options but I’m so lazy and not very good in prepping food for the week. But Tennessee has become better but not nearly where I know other cities are. I’m glad to know when I visit you I’ll be able to load up on GF foods!

      • kellisamson says:

        Yes! Bring a whole suitcase for them – we have tons!

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