Just as I was grumbling to myself about yet another weekend being full of precipitation here in Nashville, a co-worker came up and said, “did you see what is on our back dock?” Of course I high tailed it to the rear of our building to see a cute little turtle that I immediately wanted to pick up and take back across the street to the river bank.


My new bestie.

At a glance, I thought this was just any old regular turtle that I frequently stop my car and move from the streets of my neighborhood (did I also mention that I brake for chipmunks, squirrels, birds, fox and any other creature that may be roaming the streets of Nashville?).

But it turns out that this is a snapping turtle (being blonde is hard work!) and it hisses. And bites. And has a neck that will spin around Linda Blair Exorcist style and snap (hence its moniker) your finger (or entire hand) off (this isn’t the first time I’ve misidentified a four legged friend. I once tried to pet a raccoon after seeing it in the garbage can after after an evening with Skinny Pirates. I thought it was a cat…).

Look at the nails just begging for polish!

Look at the nails just begging for polish!


This turtle is in dire need of a pedi.

Sure that I could be the turtle whisperer, I crept (in my leopard rain boots – probably not the best camo while trying to be incognito) up within two feet of this hard-shelled creature and immediately heard a friendly hiss which stopped me in my tracks (I’d like to keep my ten fingers in tact).


Hissy pants.


I really wanted to touch his shell…but remembered all of my kick ass rings I adore wearing.

Instead of rearing its head around when hearing the crunch of soggy grass and sticks, my snapping friend started retreating back into his shell. Which is when I thought it might be a good time to try to move him.



Before I started the turtle’s escape plan, I asked Human Resources if I could get Worker’s Comp if I lost a finger in the process. The response was “No, but we’ll call you Stumpy from now on.”

The turtle remains on our back dock (out of harm’s way for all of you curious creature lovers).

Oh snap.



32 thoughts on “OH SNAP!

  1. If they call you Stumpy, you should file a claim for “creating a hostile work place!”

  2. Teddy needs a little brother, you need to box it up and take it home. There are hours worth of blog posts just waiting…

  3. Ha ha, Stumpy and Teddy. You have a good heart for sort of half assed trying to help.

  4. Phil Lanoue says:

    OMG That is so great that you stop to move turtles off the road as well! I should have figured you would do that.
    We have turtle rescue/relocation bags in each vehicle for just such emergencies.
    Sadly though I recently read of a university study where they placed a rubber turtle on the side of the road and a shockingly high percentage of drivers purposely swerved to hit it. Sick effers.
    I also almost pet a raccoon while camping (several years ago) after what was likely a few beers. It strolled by where I was sitting and it just seemed natural to bend over and pet the kitty, until I realized it wasn’t the cat.
    Well good on you for saving our snappy friend and glad we don’t have to call you stumpy.

    • Oh yes – I hate seeing anything in the animal/reptile/amphibian kingdom walking into harm’s way! I didn’t know that turtle rescue bags existed – should I get one? Am I endangering the turtles when I touch their shells?
      I HATE anyone who is purposely mean to something with no defense mechanism. I’d probably purposely try to run them off the road if I saw any SOB trying to hit a turtle! And, I think we’re definitely kindred spirits with our ability to see a raccoon as a cat after a few spirits….

      • Phil Lanoue says:

        We just use any cloth or nylon bag like the ones they sell at grocery stores that are supposed to be better then using their plastic bags.
        You can pick the turtles up no problem. Well…problem if it’s a snapper but for the regular yellow sliders it’s no big deal. They don’t particularly appreciate it and may hiss but since your are saving his ass he can just deal.
        Not too long ago we saw one on the side of the road and by the time I turned around and went back for it someone had crushed it. They had to do it on purpose because it so really on the edge of the road where a car wouldn’t even normally drive.
        Yes that raccoon event was at night and something fuzzy crawls by and my first impulse is too give it a scritch between the ears.

      • Ha! We’re lucky we didn’t catch rabies with our raccoon shenanigans! And now I really hate turtle killers. I’m going to be on the look out. And can now be an official cray cray turtle lady, as well as cat lady. But don’t tell Ted!

    • Oh and p.s. – I totally felt like you when I was taking pictures of this turtle. Although not an alligator, still a ‘wildlife-ish’ kind of shot!

  5. Hissy Pants is such a cute name for him/her. I double dog dare you to give a mani/pedi and take pix. DDD you!

  6. Oh those nails! Maybe call an animal rescue organization. Teddy will hiss at you nonstop if you bring the turtle home. Hahaha

  7. vudragovich says:

    we actually had a turtle in the middle of the road as we were leaving today. I pulled over put on the hazards and quickly shuffle Him to the side of the road. He was sort of like a cat, had to Flip Him on his back so he was easier to carry 🙂 I accept the title of turtle SaviorAccept 🙂

  8. When we lived in the woods in New Hampshire, we had a snapping turtle that laid her eggs every year in exactly the same place on our lawn (digging up the yard) because it was warm near the septic tank. I took a lot of pictures and kept my distance.

    I also had a friend, who could have told me (had I called him to come over in the pre-dawn moonlight or at sunrise when I found her every year) whether it really was exactly the same turtle, or offspring returning to birthplace…. He speaks turtle. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bNmnyfRFm5A

    • WOW! David is totally a turtle whisperer. And how interesting about the turtle in your backyard…creatures of nature are amazing.

      • I know, amazing people, amazing nature. I miss him–he is a good and wise friend. He and his beautiful wife taught me a lot about nature (she’s an artist, too, as he is), and about living. I couldn’t live as Thoreauvian as they do, but I admire them.

  9. stylentonic says:

    This turtle definitely needs a pedi! hahaha

  10. kellisamson says:

    Sooo glad you did not pick it up!!! It doesn’t look friendly at all. We came across one just like it as kids in CT, and it burrowed under the mud at the shore of a swamp. Weirdest thing ever..

  11. oNanvbb says:

    I tbought it was a skunk you tried to pet, not a raccoon. Be careful of the turtle. I always heard they don’t let go til it thunders!!

  12. AGIE says:

    OH SNAP is right!!! Once it hissed I would have been outta there!

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