Give Her the F’ing Nuts You SOB!

WARNING! Excessive profanity contained in the paragraphs below (spewed from a four-year-old’s mouth). Read at your own risk.

My foul mouthed sister in her earlier days. Don’t let this sweet face fool you.

My entire family (yes, I can say that proudly) has a knack for our fabulous trashiness (see White Trash Wednesday or anything in the Grizzies category).  After previous posts divulging of family classiness, I could not resist sharing “The Great McDonald’s Ice Cream Incident” once again. I first divulged this jewel a year ago when I had all of nine readers, therefore none of you who aren’t relation will be laying eyes on this for the first time (lucky you).

Growing up in a small (population 1,200) Iowa farming community, our Saturday nights were spent 20 minutes away at the nearest Pizza Hut (I thought was so fancy – I used to be easily impressed. USED to be).  Often times my grandma and grandpa would join us for our family date night and we would head to McDonald’s for ice cream afterward.

One Saturday we were on our journey through the drive thru, Dad chauffeuring us in the front seat with Grandpa.  My mom, sister, grandma and myself were all in the back and giving our orders (sounds like a dream of a Saturday night, huh?).  As Dad was receiving and passing the treats out, my sister got her sundae.

My four-year-old sibling looked my dad square in the face and said (without hesitation or skipping a beat), “You goddamn son-of-a-bitch I wanted nuts on my sundae.”

Immediate silence followed (although I was instantly delighted that I wasn’t the sister in trouble this time).

I assume my reaction was something like this one captured above (you’re loving the classy outfit with hair clips, aren’t you?).

Moments later, reactions set in. Grandpa busted out laughing. Grandma’s jaw hit the floor.  My mom leaned up over the seat to hiss in my dad’s ear,  “MICHAEL!” and my dad replied, “What? I don’t say those words,” (which I instantaneously knew was a lie because anytime he had his head under a sink being the ‘plumber,’ I never remembered him saying shoot, gosh darn it or duck).

Little did Grandpa know how his heart would burst with secret pride over my sister’s nut rant a few years after this photo was snapped.

So, my toddler sister just put the phrase together all in her own right? Well, being classy, a little trashy and quickly having my sister’s back, my grandma said, “I bet she learned it from all of those John Wayne movies.”  Um, yeah, since we had a three channel cable line up in our metropolis.

Being white trash is knowing better but doing it anyway, while not giving a rat’s ass what anyone else thinks. My sister just got a head start – you gotta love her spunkiness!

All guts and glory for this kid.

So fabulously trashy…I can’t wait to see how her kids carry on the tradition.



63 thoughts on “Give Her the F’ing Nuts You SOB!

  1. I remember when Pizza Hut was a great night out! Now it’s like plan G in the rotation of desperate dinner options. I love foul mouthery from toddlers. I think my own G$ will be our little truck driver talker. Can’t wait!

  2. This is the best post ever. 🙂 Loving these amazing photos.

  3. It takes a lot to get me to LOL all alone here, but I did it. LOVE your sister’s comment, I might have to use it myself one day-hubs says I swear like a merchant mariner I’m proud to say! Good post CBXB!

  4. FreeUrCloset says:

    LMAO! Ah, the stories you two could tell … I’d love to hang with you and your sister. Hilarious! I felt like I was right there in the car with you (except in my version, grandma looses her dentures,;))!

    XOXO Nensi

  5. Phil Lanoue says:

    That story is priceless and perfectly illustrated as well!
    Does she still like nuts on her ice cream sundaes?

  6. SerachShiro says:

    Great funny story and you have always lol, that’s so nice taking life like it is 🙂 Lovely photos !

  7. OK, you got me beat.We have a little family member who at 25 months,(a month past her 2nd birthday), wanted to follow us as we were leaving out of her back yard.Her mother closed the gate and we got into the car.I heard her mother yell, “J! DON’T SAY THAT!” and she made a beeline for the car.Meanwhile, J opened the gate and came out scowling .Her mother said,”When I closed the gate, I pulled her back.She said,’I want to go in the driveway, Dumb Ass!”
    Every time I tell the story, people say,”She knew the right place to use it”, then they pull back and murmur,”If there IS a right place to use it…”
    I said to her mother.”You have to take credit for that.” She said she knew.

    • Ha! GREAT story. And the placement of Dumb Ass…what a smart little 25 month old! Funny how kids can truly pick up on every little thing, isn’t it? I’ll have to be extra careful around my new niece and nephew when they get to the ‘absorbing’ phase here in a year or two!

  8. Perhaps my all time favorite ice cream story of all time.
    Definitely the ultimate nuts tale!!!

  9. marisaporter says:

    Can’t believe she said that! What a spunky family you must have. 🙂

  10. Nancy Brown says:

    Love this story it is a favorite and the two little girls in the story are, too.

  11. lovely pictures and you are just too funny… Nice post!

  12. I used to wear Clothpegs on my hair to pretend it was longer..LOL 🙂 crazy days! And I have pics..but they are all at my mom’s!! 😦

  13. I don’t recall it, but the family story goes that I, at the tender age of barely two–said something quite similar to my dear grandmother after she stirred yucky peas into my ham & noodle hot dish (do they call it hot dish in Iowa? or were you far enough south to name it casserole?)

    I used to toddle around after my grandfather, around the farm all day, as if I was leashed to him. During that Sunday night supper when sweet-little-ole-I spewed profanity, all the adults at the table looked at my grandfather and gasped in unison, “Ed!”

    • Why do the Grandpas always get blamed for the profanity?! 🙂 That’s a great story – and probably a fun one for you to share.

      We called it casserole in Iowa. But your ham and noodle hot dish sounds pretty dang delish … it’s about lunch time here…

  14. That was funny! I like the hair clips picture. Cute! Adorable!!!

  15. vudragovich says:

    Blaming The Duke? I Don’t KnowAbout You. But Kudos To Your Sis Pulling ThatLine Off!

  16. […] Sorry, not sorry Dr. Cocktail and Sister CBXB! […]

  17. […] when it involves Christmas AND my Iowa Hawkeyes. So I was beyond excited to rip open this gift from my sister upon my return from the ice […]

  18. […] my parents to procreate, I was presented with my sister (you know, the one who called my dad a goddamn son of a bitch at the age of four) who was immediately awarded with side kickin’ it as my lifetime partner-in-crime (lucky […]

  19. […] from traveling to St. Louis for Dada CBXB’s birthday, where we were able to meet up with Sister Nuts, who drove down from […]

  20. […] The kind of sister who flies down from Iowa within 24 hours, leaving her three year old twins (in the fabulous care of their father) to hold my hand and help my heart. […]

  21. […] my parents to procreate, I was presented with my sister (you know, the one who called my dad a goddamn son of a bitch at the age of four) who was immediately awarded with side kickin’ it as my lifetime partner-in-crime (lucky […]

  22. […] mouths to feed and personal hygiene to maintain (this took much insisting from Mrs. America and my sister). I just wanted to wallow on my leopard couch and have it swallow me whole but of course that […]

  23. […] over it, as you can tell), I won’t ever forget the moment on a Thursday late afternoon when Sister CBXB called and told me to pull over and stop […]

  24. […] and looking like a million dollars, I hustled to the fridge and busted out the birthday cake Sister CBXB made while she was here. Then I promptly returned to bed to […]

  25. […] in return to a son who lost a friend, a mother and a fucking funny lady all rolled into one? Sister CBXB came up with a great idea, reached out to me to execute (why do I have to do all the work?) and […]

  26. […] the phone BUT if I kept it charged, sometimes Siri would work. Bonus, I was gifted an iWatch from Sister CBXB for my birthday and I could use that to talk and text like a fucking secret service […]

  27. […] color scheme, slightly different approach for this old broad. I can’t wait to make Sister CBXB give me a manicure next time I see her since she’s got mad mani […]

  28. […] Sister CBXB on the other hand is much more of a connoisseur of wine. Like, has been to Napa Valley and sent cases back expert. She introduced me to Rosé during one of my trips back to Iowa. […]

  29. […] know what else this handsome devil can do? Model. His love of books rivals my own and Sister CBXB has taken the twins to the library since forever. Proof is in the banner […]

  30. […] Princess B. The day she found out, I was ordered to send all photos and videos I had of the chug to Sister CBXB for […]

  31. Elkee says:

    OMG! That John Wayne is such a bad influence lol.

  32. […] all of this, humor is the one thing I can always cling to and happily welcome from Sister CBXB. Along with the hundreds of you who checked in on me all last week, lifting my spirits. My sister […]

  33. […] my parents to procreate, I was presented with Sister CBXB (you know, the one who called my dad a goddamn son of a bitch at the age of four) who was immediately awarded with side kickin’ it as my lifetime partner-in-crime (lucky […]

  34. […] over it, as you can tell), I won’t ever forget the moment on a Thursday late afternoon when Sister CBXB called and told me to pull over and stop […]

  35. […] Sister CBXB, being the foodie that she is, kept saying she was my amuse bouche (which in French literally translates to mouth amuser….It’s OK, I live in the south) to my birthday. Since I frequent more hip chain style casual dining restaurants of the likes of Chili’s, I had to look the term up. Amuse bouche is served at fancy restaurants before any orders are placed to prepare diners of the chef’s style. Next time at Dalts I’m going to ask for an amuse bouche with a side of ranch before my first Skinny Pirate. […]

  36. […] Sister CBXB was keeping me updated on the dog shopping and I about died when I received the following message. […]

  37. […] I started Cowboys and Crossbones at the urging of my sister one wine filled night seven years ago, I didn’t quite know what kind of content I was going […]

Holla at me!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s