Weekend Winks – Shit Show Style

You know how you feel when life decides to sucker punch you in the face? I am familiar with the feeling (aren’t we all?). Going about our business, minding our own business and tending to our business, when out of the blue the sky seems to fall an our life becomes an immediate shit show…

Thank God for t-shirts that say it all.

Thank God for t-shirts that say it all and before noon screwdrivers.

It’d been one of those weeks (that seems to keep reoccurring over the last four months) and I couldn’t wait to meet up with my First Mate and her hubs for a few happy hour libations on Friday.

The happy hour trio

The happy hour trio.

It was a dreary start to the weekend, so we were more than happy to stay dry and hydrate our livers while rain soaked the Nashville streets.

on a dreary day

This calls for another round.

Just what the weekend ordered....a Skinny Pirate.

Just what the weekend ordered….a Skinny Pirate.

Cheersing to the weekend!

And many repeated cheers to the weekend!

Happy to return home and snuggle with my main feline squeeze Teddy B., I found a note taped to my door, which was odd but then thought maybe it was a letter from a secret admirer or better yet a clue to the beginning of a very cool scavenger hunt…but of course it wasn’t anything of such fun.

Letter of lovely news.

Letter of lovely news.

My mini-manse (and the zip code it comes with – read here) is one side of a duplex and the owner’s stoner son lives on the other half with his gal pal.  This note I received basically said in a very formal way, “I got my girlfriend pregnant on accident and now you’re f’d because we need your side of the duplex by the end of July because we don’t have any money to move and need more space. Sorry and let us know if we can do anything.”

First, I was utterly flabbergasted, as when my neighbor told me of the pregnancy news a few months ago, I asked him point-blank if they’d need my space with the answer being, “No, we’d move out before asking you to.  You’re totally fine – you may just be getting a new tenant.”

Second, I was completely livid that I’m paying the price for someone else’s life changing event. And can you do anything for me? You bet your ass you can. Do you have $3,000 for first and last month’s rent, pet deposit, security deposit and moving expenses? Oh, and about 12 hours per week to look at places during lunch, after work and all weekend long? Along with hours for the boxing and organizing your belongings?

Lastly, I kinda lost my mind. Life hasn’t been easy the past few years and I’ve taken solitude and pride in my little slice of my neighborhood, being able to scrape by and have finally – in the past few weeks – felt that I was getting back up on my feet financially. So this news feels like salt being scooped by the barrel into an open wound.

So what’s a gal do when she goes off the deep end? Buy a pack of cigarettes of course (which by the way, are the most expensive habit in the world. $6 for one pack? WTF?). I am a non-non-non smoker. Like don’t socially smoke. Never crave a cigarette. But once every decade it seems as if the moment of sheer insanity raids my body and I feel the need to become a chain smoker.

CODE RED

CODE RED

While sitting outside, bawling my eyes out I thought I would share just how ridiculous I look while smoking (and as I threw butts in the yard (because I’m having an acrimonious moment and can do that), I was secretly hoping a smolder might catch the lawn on fire…).

Smoking wreck

Smoking wreck. Not a natural when it comes to nicotine.

And while I let this news get the better of me –  I missed out on a friend’s party, a few days of Nashville sunshine, working out and maybe single-handedly gave myself lung cancer in one sitting – I ran out to have my dad ‘baby’ me (you know, say things will be OK while I’m crying, take me to eat Mexican and offer to pay on student loan bills so I have a little extra dough for moving) on Saturday night. Sometimes you just need your stand-by guy.

Dad's to the rescue...

Dad to the emotional rescue!

While this news isn’t the end of the world (although it truly did feel like it this weekend), it just snapped me back into place of being the girl who once again needs all the help she can get, as I watched my pride sink back into the size of an inch worm. Luckily, I have amazing family, friends and a fur ball who stand by my side – whether it be forcing me out of my house to get fresh air (and a cocktail), wiping the snot off my nose or making sure I don’t resort to selling my body for extra moving money (I’m kidding mother), I know everything will be fine.

Cuddle dud let me maul him into the wee hours of the evenings.

Cuddle dud let me maul him into the wee hours of the evenings.

On my way out of my beloved mini-manse, I’ll want to leave a note that simply says “SUCK IT.” And while I probably won’t, I will definitely be leaving behind a box of condoms.

Happy times are here again!

CBXB

CBXB!

62 thoughts on “Weekend Winks – Shit Show Style

  1. […] one drop of Captain Morgan (I think I might have guzzled it all in a shocked state of having to move against my will with a few weeks notice) among the dozens (I know you thought I’d say hundreds) of bottles before […]

  2. […] know, when I’m having a rough time of it (like getting kicked out of my mini manse due to my neighbor’s impending baby), not only do I tend to hydrate my liver over and over with Skinny Pirates, I like to look back at […]

  3. Gotta love Dads for days like that

  4. marisaporter says:

    That is seriously…….sucky of your landlord. What jerks. Off to your next post to re-read how you’re handling this now. Wow. Wish I could be there for ya. girl.

  5. MrJohnson says:

    Having kids…..nothing but trouble for everyone.

  6. kellisamson says:

    Oy – you know it’s bad when the cigarettes come out. I agree with Mr. law man up there: they should be buying you out of your lease, for Pete’s sake. I am soooo sorry, girlie! It just sucks. Please keep us posted, and do leave the condoms. You could also put some hamburger in the rods of the curtains. Then it will stink really badly and they’ll have no idea where it’s coming from. Wait – did I just say that?!

    • OH I LOVE YOU EVEN MORE NOW. And will stock up on the hamburger starting yesterday! My mouth still tastes like an ashtray from my Saturday meltdown, which is why I probably only yank them out once every decade (thankfully!). This situation will most likely make for some extra fun posts! 🙂

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