Weekend Winks – Shit Show Style

You know how you feel when life decides to sucker punch you in the face? I am familiar with the feeling (aren’t we all?). Going about our business, minding our own business and tending to our business, when out of the blue the sky seems to fall an our life becomes an immediate shit show…

Thank God for t-shirts that say it all.

Thank God for t-shirts that say it all and before noon screwdrivers.

It’d been one of those weeks (that seems to keep reoccurring over the last four months) and I couldn’t wait to meet up with my First Mate and her hubs for a few happy hour libations on Friday.

The happy hour trio

The happy hour trio.

It was a dreary start to the weekend, so we were more than happy to stay dry and hydrate our livers while rain soaked the Nashville streets.

on a dreary day

This calls for another round.

Just what the weekend ordered....a Skinny Pirate.

Just what the weekend ordered….a Skinny Pirate.

Cheersing to the weekend!

And many repeated cheers to the weekend!

Happy to return home and snuggle with my main feline squeeze Teddy B., I found a note taped to my door, which was odd but then thought maybe it was a letter from a secret admirer or better yet a clue to the beginning of a very cool scavenger hunt…but of course it wasn’t anything of such fun.

Letter of lovely news.

Letter of lovely news.

My mini-manse (and the zip code it comes with – read here) is one side of a duplex and the owner’s stoner son lives on the other half with his gal pal.Β  This note I received basically said in a very formal way, “I got my girlfriend pregnant on accident and now you’re f’d because we need your side of the duplex by the end of July because we don’t have any money to move and need more space. Sorry and let us know if we can do anything.”

First, I was utterly flabbergasted, as when my neighbor told me of the pregnancy news a few months ago, I asked him point-blank if they’d need my space with the answer being, “No, we’d move out before asking you to.Β  You’re totally fine – you may just be getting a new tenant.”

Second, I was completely livid that I’m paying the price for someone else’s life changing event. And can you do anything for me? You bet your ass you can. Do you have $3,000 for first and last month’s rent, pet deposit, security deposit and moving expenses? Oh, and about 12 hours per week to look at places during lunch, after work and all weekend long? Along with hours for the boxing and organizing your belongings?

Lastly, I kinda lost my mind. Life hasn’t been easy the past few years and I’ve taken solitude and pride in my little slice of my neighborhood, being able to scrape by and have finally – in the past few weeks – felt that I was getting back up on my feet financially. So this news feels like salt being scooped by the barrel into an open wound.

So what’s a gal do when she goes off the deep end? Buy a pack of cigarettes of course (which by the way, are the most expensive habit in the world. $6 for one pack? WTF?). I am a non-non-non smoker. Like don’t socially smoke. Never crave a cigarette. But once every decade it seems as if the moment of sheer insanity raids my body and I feel the need to become a chain smoker.



While sitting outside, bawling my eyes out I thought I would share just how ridiculous I look while smoking (and as I threw butts in the yard (because I’m having an acrimonious moment and can do that), I was secretly hoping a smolder might catch the lawn on fire…).

Smoking wreck

Smoking wreck. Not a natural when it comes to nicotine.

And while I let this news get the better of me –Β  I missed out on a friend’s party, a few days of Nashville sunshine, working out and maybe single-handedly gave myself lung cancer in one sitting – I ran out to have my dad ‘baby’ me (you know, say things will be OK while I’m crying, take me to eat Mexican and offer to pay on student loan bills so I have a little extra dough for moving) on Saturday night. Sometimes you just need your stand-by guy.

Dad's to the rescue...

Dad to the emotional rescue!

While this news isn’t the end of the world (although it truly did feel like it this weekend), it just snapped me back into place of being the girl who once again needs all the help she can get, as I watched my pride sink back into the size of an inch worm. Luckily, I have amazing family, friends and a fur ball who stand by my side – whether it be forcing me out of my house to get fresh air (and a cocktail), wiping the snot off my nose or making sure I don’t resort to selling my body for extra moving money (I’m kidding mother), I know everything will be fine.

Cuddle dud let me maul him into the wee hours of the evenings.

Cuddle dud let me maul him into the wee hours of the evenings.

On my way out of my beloved mini-manse, I’ll want to leave a note that simply says “SUCK IT.” And while I probably won’t, I will definitely be leaving behind a box of condoms.

Happy times are here again!



62 thoughts on “Weekend Winks – Shit Show Style

  1. Ok, you had me crying and laughing all at the same time. So sorry to hear about the changes coming your way but I know things will work out for the best. And really, “if there is anything I can do” just let me know.
    Hugs from Atlanta!

  2. Aaawww, sorry to hear that. I know it feels like everything is coming at once and you’re so frustrated and angry but everything will get better. One day you’ll look back and laugh. I promise! Hugs and kisses!

  3. Oh you poor dear, I feel so sorry for you. You made me cry a little with that post! Teddy better be on his A game giving you lots of cuddles and purrs!!! Best of luck, I know everything will work out for you. Nic xxx

  4. vudragovich says:

    Crying within ear shot of your neighbors is perfectly legit! Use the guilt!
    Now the mad dog part, what the fudge muffins and brownies does your lease say? Is it an annual lease? If it is, I doubt they can break it with just 30 days notice.
    (do not drip snot on Mr Teddy!)
    Get an attorney to review it, I have one over here in East TN who has been doing contracts and helping people stay out of court for 20+ years. (you have my email if you want it)
    I will tell you that TN is much more landlord friendly than PA so get your ducks in a row!
    (No I will not help wipe snot off your nose, that is your dad’s job.)
    When is the baby due? Can they extend your time (saying the lease is in their favor? give you 3 months?)
    Why not tell them to rent out there half and then they will have more money to move into a better place for them?
    (give them options and that is a valid argument for financially savvy people)
    Deny the letter was ever delivered (certified mail is required for legal notices) and then fight them on moving out.
    Of course there is the whole you do not want to be so GOD AWFUL they really want you gone but show them they cannot walk all over you in 30 days.
    …actually, scare them into thinking it is easier for them to move, get a second renter and let you keep paying rent…hmmm…I see a future post in the making!
    Best of luck and no skinny pirate phone calls at 3 am!

    • DAVE! You ROCK! But seriously, you don’t want Skinny Pirate calls at 3am? I think that’s really drawing a line…! I will look into your suggestions – although the baby is due in August (which is why this would have been all the better if they’d thought about their situation before two months prior to baby’s birth)….And I don’t want to stay where I’m not wanting. Just very, very frustrating as you can tell by my tear stained, snot nosed photos! Oh, and I have totally kept Ted’s fur tear free (actually, he’s really good at dodging them)…! Thanks for your help!

      • vudragovich says:

        You know… if your lease is until…October for sake of argument, hit them up for cash to buy you out early! (that $3k you referenced and no it is not extortion)
        Darn tootin I get good ideas when my fellow Bloggers are on the unfair receiving end of a dirty diaper! (trying to watch my language)
        But seriously, get w someone who knows (I can only give examples) and see if it would be financially wiser for them to go out and rent a place instead of taking on two kitchens and losing the cash flow!

        Personal slogan: You can tread on me but do not mess with my fellow Bloggers, friends or family! (my bad butt slogan…this whole keeping my language clean just kills the emphasis of my point)

      • Your clean language is giving me the giggles! Which are welcomed big time today!!! Thanks!

  5. Sucks! The condoms, definitely, and you do look a little rediculous (sorry, the cigarette thing and tears don’t make for glam). Dad is on duty and that is good. While I’m sure there are plenty of bridges around Nashville, you probably should not go that route if things get bad, because Teddy would just run away. Cats aren’t that loyal and they certainly wouldn’t like living under a bridge. Buck up this might be one of those situations that turn out to be a good thing in the long run. πŸ˜‰

    • You are so SPOT on with the tears and cigs not making for a fabulous face. But thankfully, I usually only resort to such nasty habits once a decade! And Teddy would totally leave me if we’re located under a bridge. He’d probably run back and shack up with my neighbors once they move into my section! πŸ™‚ Thanks for the kind comments – I know things are happening for a reason…this will just make for more funny posts!

  6. *hugs* Sorry you’ve found yourself in such a wretched situation. I’m glad you’ve found your way back to your “calm” place. Bad situations happen. Sometimes they’re a gateway to the best situation you could imagine…you just didn’t realize it until it was all over. Hang in there, my friend.

  7. I would come and give you a big hug, but you probably reek of smoke and cat hair at this point.

    Were I in Nashville, I’d offer to help you move, because I’m that kind of sucker. Maybe a change of scenery is just what the doctor ordered and something unexpectedly great will come from this. Good luck!

    • If you were in Nashville, I’d expect you to show up with cocktails for moving day! Then I would make you hug me before I started drinking and hauling Ted all over the place, thus avoiding transferring cat hair onto you. Thanks for the laugh – I needed it today! πŸ™‚

  8. I am gutted for both you and Teddy – some people have no consideration for others. I know that better things are around the corner for you – big hugs

    • Thanks Dallas! We’ll be fine – maybe this means a real porch for Teddy to lounge in all day…or a larger closet for me! πŸ™‚ I was licking my wounds this weekend (obviously) – nothing a little cocktail and cigarette can’t help mend…! πŸ™‚

  9. Sorry to hear about that mess! But everything will work itself out and it will be for the better!

  10. You poor dear! You and Teddy can come here, no ciggies tho, deal? I think that just totally sucks for you, I’m so sorry! Cats don’t deal with change very easily, just remember to be very careful to not let him get out for a really long time-cats need to acclimate to their new surroundings.

    • Oh NO ciggies for sure! I hear you on the cats not changing well…so I will definitely be on the lookout when we find somewhere new. Thank you for the tips – and the invite. We’d be good company while Mr. Tugboat was out to sea…!

  11. A box of condoms, and a book on how babies are made, because let’s be honest, I think many people forget.

  12. Oh honey – I am so sorry. Sometimes it feels like when it rains it pours and it is hard to keep getting up no matter how small the blow may be. But you are one strong, fierce gal and I know that you won’t stay down for long. You are going to pick yourself up, kick some ass and look at this road bump in your rear view mirror as you head for bigger and better things. In the meantime – if you need to vent, we are all here for you. πŸ™‚ Hugs!

  13. What a great post! Loving your blog, and where on earth did you get that shirt! It’s dope!

    • Thanks for the love! The shirt is bad ass, isn’t it? It comes in handy for the extra desperate times when there’s a need to wear your feelings on your chest! I got it at Urban Outfitters a few years back. I bet you could find one on eBay!

  14. Phil Lanoue says:

    Oh wow sorry to hear about this for real shit show that suddenly blind sided you with a punch in the gut. I’ve been there more then once and know how awful the whole damn thing can be. Plus I know first hand how great cats are with change. What could be more fun?
    If I was in your area I would definitely show up with my rusty pickup with the beer cans rattling around in the back to help you move stuff. I would even go as far as picking up (very) light boxes (you don’t have any books do you? those damn things weigh a ton) and items such as pillows and light bulbs.
    I’m betting this will all eventually turn out great for you, and let me get this round.

    • Ah, thanks Phil! How much fun would a post be about you having to cart my pillows, Ted’s feather bed and all of my light bulbs around in the back of your truck? It’s truly sucked and I let myself wallow in pity (obviously) over the weekend. Now, I’m just worried about having to break the news to Ted…it’s going to be all kinds of fun getting him acclimated to a new atmosphere. I feel like I may have to wear a pirate patch the rest of my life once I tell him….! πŸ™‚ I appreciate your kind words! Thank you, my friend.

      • Phil Lanoue says:

        Well I wouldn’t even call how you reacted wallowing in pity, I and most anybody would feel and act the same. Having to move is traumatic enough. Needing to move unexpectedly due to someone being an asshole is much worse. Ah f&#k I’m not making it any better by stating the obvious am I?
        Well know I got your back and Jack sends regards to Teddy. Jack was brought to SC via airplane, shoved under my seat in his cat carrier so you can imagine the non-stop thrill ride that was.

      • Oh boy….I may be seeking tips on how to calm a kit cat down after trauma – especially since you had a cat recover from being on an airplane?! That must have taken years for him to forgive you! πŸ™‚ Thanks for having my back – makes me feel good knowing that I wasn’t overreacting too badly! I just don’t like unexpected change…but then again, who does?!

  15. Soooo sorry! Moving sucks, especially when it isn’t on your terms. You will find a great place for you and Teddy Bear!
    xo K

    • Oh yes, we will! It’s the packing, unpacking and ‘customizing’ of my new place I have yet to find that I’m dreading. Well, that and the fact that cats don’t love change. Keep your fingers crossed for us! πŸ™‚

  16. oNanvbb says:

    Everybody has shit happen in there lives. Somedays are golden, somedays ate stone!! Hang in there! Hugs

  17. Joyce Metz says:

    Well Little Megan….I haven’t forgotten the Rapist/Murderer who unscrewed your porch light hoping to snatch you in the dark….that story almost did me in! …..This one makes me question what they can and cannot do~I think Dave has some good advice. Can Dave find a wonderful, loving, caring guy that would appreciate a beautiful person inside and out like you….one that would make you feel safe? You need a Robert 20-years young:).
    I love you, ~Joyce

  18. silverkis says:

    Oh gosh, i’m soo so sorry to hear! I hate moving, not only because of the expenses involved and the sheer PAIN… but because i like my nest. I hope things turn around for better for you soon! Sending happy thoughts all the way from Singapore! XOXO

  19. Ms B. BAD says:

    Everything happens for a reason, so lets hope a new move mneans a lot more exciting and new things are on the horizon! Stay positive!! xoxo

  20. I’m so sorry, I know setbacks like this are tough. It’s hard to understand what good you are supposed to learn from them. Look at it this way, come a week or two before you move, stop cleaning up The Bears up chuck in the floor, that will serve as the new welcome mat for the new folks. And ask your vet for a dose of Acepromazine for Teddy, it’s like kitty Valium. It won’t really knock him out, but it will make him less stressed during the move.

    • Oh I so appreciate the advice for Teddy – that’s one of the main things I’ve been worried about since finding out this news. And while I’m still trying to understand the good in my current situation, I know it could be much worse. Just sucked the wind out of me, as I love my little mini-manse! πŸ™‚

  21. kellisamson says:

    Oy – you know it’s bad when the cigarettes come out. I agree with Mr. law man up there: they should be buying you out of your lease, for Pete’s sake. I am soooo sorry, girlie! It just sucks. Please keep us posted, and do leave the condoms. You could also put some hamburger in the rods of the curtains. Then it will stink really badly and they’ll have no idea where it’s coming from. Wait – did I just say that?!

    • OH I LOVE YOU EVEN MORE NOW. And will stock up on the hamburger starting yesterday! My mouth still tastes like an ashtray from my Saturday meltdown, which is why I probably only yank them out once every decade (thankfully!). This situation will most likely make for some extra fun posts! πŸ™‚

  22. MrJohnson says:

    Having kids…..nothing but trouble for everyone.

  23. marisaporter says:

    That is seriously…….sucky of your landlord. What jerks. Off to your next post to re-read how you’re handling this now. Wow. Wish I could be there for ya. girl.

  24. Gotta love Dads for days like that

  25. […] know, when I’m having a rough time of it (like getting kicked out of my mini manse due to my neighbor’s impending baby), not only do I tend to hydrate my liver over and over with Skinny Pirates, I like to look back at […]

  26. […] one drop of Captain Morgan (I think I might have guzzled it all in a shocked state of having to move against my will with a few weeks notice) among the dozens (I know you thought I’d say hundreds) of bottles before […]

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