How to Survive in the Dark

You know when you have a gazillion chores to do around the house (which for me is unpacking about 56 more boxes in my new mini manse) and you’re finally in the mood to get everything accomplished in one (or so you think but really more like a consecutive 14) evening?  Last night I was in full organization mode, unpacking my cocktail glasses, finding a place for my liquor, vino and other spirits, cruising along quite speedily when the sky opened up and a crack of thunder (accompanied by lighting, followed by what seemed like a monsoon) clapped so loudly I about pissed my pants while Teddy cried out with a long, slow meow growl. And then, the entire place went dark.

My new residence is FAR from being settled.  And since I was trying to make some major headway, I had shit everywhere when the lights went out. Liquor bottles, a carton of cat litter, shot glasses, serving trays, toothpicks, vases, my beloved Skinny Pirate light, a fan, end tables, bag of cat food, tubs of picture frames, stacks of DVDs and mounds of throw rugs surrounded me on the floor in complete, pitch black, can’t see your hand in front of your face darkness. Oh F is the first thought that entered my mind as I stood still, hoping the electricity would pop back on moments later. And it did! For three seconds.

As I tried to maneuver my way off of the island of junk, my mind reverted to where my furniture was in my old place.  Walking straight into a wall (my toe still throbs), crashing into my kitchen table and breaking a nail trying to ‘feel’ my way to the drawer where I used to keep a flashlight in my old mini manse. That is still packed away. Among what seems like my millions of belongings. Shit.  I instantly gave up the search for battery-powered light and hunted for a lighter (that most certainly is unpacked, as I’ve used it but where the hell did I set it down?).

Twenty minutes and a long swig of wine later (while yesterday’s post makes me seem like an amateur in uncorking a bottle, I truly am a master. Truly! I opened not one – but two bottles of corked wine last night in the full on black with my mad skills. Impressive, I know. And don’t judge. I was bored!) I had two candles that I could locate glowing after finding the lighter on the floor behind the couch (well, my foot found it).

And then I did what all folks do in the forced dark. I ate all of my perishables in the refrigerator (which ended up not being such a fabulous idea but I didn’t want anything to go to waste!). I also sat on the couch willing the lights to turn back on. After about an hour of this, I did the only thing a girl could do. Take a bubble bath with a bottle of wine and a candle.

Suddenly, my “thunderstorms can suck it” attitude was a piss poor way of looking at the situation. A bath? Wine? Quiet? No unpacking?

Rain, rain don't go away! Come back so I can be lazy a few more days!

Rain, rain don’t go away! Come back so I can be lazy a few more days!

After I blissfully turned into a bathed prune, I took the wine and candle party outside to my deck, listening to the rain, screaming kids driving their parents (and me, of course) bananas out of sheer boredom, barking dogs scared of the thunder (why the hell wouldn’t you let man’s best friend in the house during a storm?) and an adult sibling dispute erupting in the apartment above me (fun to eavesdrop, just hope no one is ever thrown over the balcony).

Thunderstorms accompanied by no power? Yes please.

Nice ambiance. Not-so-peaceful atmosphere.

And in the six (seemed like 6,000 with all of the commotion) seconds outside and the five hours of sitting in the dark, I remembered why having no electricity blows (not meant to be a pioneer gal, obviously).

Suck it thunderstorms!



27 thoughts on “How to Survive in the Dark

  1. LifeOfBun says:

    Sounds like you made the best of it though, I love your positive attitude! Oh and that’s a kick-ass wine glass.

    • That wine glass is my favorite – bling and skulls? Hello! It could have been so much worse and I was only without for five hours (which truly did feel like five months when I was being dramatic)! 🙂

  2. SerachShiro says:

    Hi I nominated you for The Best Moment Award, if you like you can check out for details at my blog ! Have a lovely Friday ! 🙂

  3. kellisamson says:

    So glad you turned that negative into a positively awesome bubble bath! When the power goes out here, I totally freak out. When it was out for three days due to a winter storm, my husband actually said to me, “I thought you were made of heartier stuff.” You can guess what I told him. It baffled me that so many couples were giving birth around here 9 months after that storm, as we pretty much wanted to kill each other.

    • Ha! I’ve always wondered about the high birth rates 9 months after storms because I always wanted to kill whomever I was with during that time! No power wasn’t the end of the world (although you would have thought it was by what was running through my mind) but thankfully I had plenty of wine on hand to entertain myself – and Teddy of course!

  4. rebecca2000 says:

    I love thunderstorms. Candle lit wine baths are nice followed by steamy sex.

  5. So let’s go backpacking/camping this weekend. We could meet on the Appalachian trail?

    Can you imagine–there are people who CHOOSE no electricity and call it a vacation! Last time we went on a camping trip with the family (hey, it was cheap, and none of us had a lot of extra cash at the time but we all wanted to be together on vacation)–right after we got home, we sold our tent and every stinking piece of our camping gear. Except for the flashlights–those we keep strategically placed around the house, in handy reach in case of a dreaded pour outage (which we HATE!)

    I hope you get through the weekend and your next week without any more glitches. But, if they happen, remind yourself, it’s the stuff that goes wrong that makes the best stories–life is writing material.

    • You’re so right about the glitches making for great material!

      And yes, let’s meet on the Appalachian trail this weekend – when you say backpacking/camping, I’m assuming you mean my one and only Louis Vuitton bag and a four star hotel? Good. Glad we cleared that up!

      Sounds like you love camping just as much as I do. We used to camp all of the time for the same reasons. Our camper was about the size of a topper on a pick up truck. And we always had about 10 people in it, so we looked like the commercials on TV now where 200 clowns keep getting out of the back – an endless parade! I’ve got fun memories but extremely happy to not be one of those people who chooses no electricity as a vacation!

  6. Luckily you did have wine, and knew where it was in the dark, and because of your recent skills at opening, you were all set! That does suck that you were all motivated to accomplish a major task and Mother Nature butted in! We are a little power spoiled, the first thing I worry about is the A/C!

    • I’m so spoiled! I will never, ever be mistaken as a Laura Ingalls type gal. But with wine, all things in the dark (and naturally the light) seem down right fabulous (as long as you can uncork the bottle)!

  7. I think you did exactly the right things.

  8. Phil Lanoue says:

    Well sounds like you made the best of a shit situation, candle lit bath with generous portions of wine throughout. Where was Mr. T while you were tubing?
    Worst thing down here about a power outage in the summer is no AC!
    Screw that for trying to sleep in a hot house. I’d have to drive around in the car with the AC cranked all night.

    • You know, I should have camped out in the car! And being the awesome mother I am, I couldn’t see where Mr. T was because he’s already a dark gray AND it was pitch black. Although, I could hear him rummaging through the piles of newspaper, making his own fun. And so yes, I had to ‘rough it’ in a bath with copious amounts of wine. Poor me!

  9. Heard Franklin got hit pretty hard last night, trees down, etc. Know you and Teddy are ready for a quiet weekend.

    • Franklin did get hit badly. Although I don’t personally know anyone with damage. It’s getting ready to storm here again now. Glad I’m in my office! 🙂 And yes, Teddy and I are VERY ready for a quiet weekend!

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