Nothing Compares

Not a damn thing compares to the Iowa State Fair (well, except maybe my birthday and Christmas – but that’s it!)

First dog of the day.

Downing the first dog of the day.

After consuming a corn dog for breakfast, I dove in mouth first to the greasy, fried cheese curds that you can dip in either marinara sauce or ketchup (my choice – keeping it classy!)

Who cut the cheese?

Who cut the cheese?

Taking every opportunity to stand behind a cut out for a photo, the first one of the day was perfect.

My Grandpas say you're welcome.

My Grandpas say you’re welcome.

Dragging my cousin RM along for the fair was the best day of his life (cant’ you tell below?). He did say before we entered the gates “This isn’t as much fun as you say it is,” (maybe because last time he attended with me, we were there for 13 hours. Who knows?)

American Gothic at its worst.

American Gothic at its worst.

RM perked right up when we discovered the gem of all gems at the fair – the Iowa Craft Beer tent.

Beer us!

Making the fair bearable for RM!

Of course, we (well, really I) had to get a pic behind the cut-out (RM humored me).

Another photo op

Two of the classiest beer guzzlers around!

Next up was a glimpse at the world-famous butter cow.

Ooey gooey

Yes, this is solid butter. And yes, I’d like to lick it.

A few days after I visited the fair, some vegan jackasses hid in the building to deface my very favorite part of the fair…but no worries, it was back to normal before the fair opened the following day. Suck it vandalizers!

This vegan group gives all vegans a bad name. I would never pour paint on your vegetables!

This vegan group gives all vegans a bad name. I would never pour paint on your vegetables!

While perusing the Ag building, I saw this sign and was inspired to get the one and only healthy food selection at the fair. Salad on a stick.

yeah, right

Mmm lettuce tastes so good on a toothpick.

Then I caught of whiff of something fried moving through the air and all healthy inspirations went out window. So I settled for a healthy giant pork tenderloin instead of a salad on a stick.

A porker eating a pork tenderloin

A porker eating a pork tenderloin.

All of the eating, drinking and eating made our feet hurt, so we rode the sky glider, getting a view of the entire fairgrounds.

Sky glider to rest our weary feet.

But you just get to see us, instead of an aerial view of the fair. Sorry!

At the fair museum I found a photo of my Grandpa hauling folks back and forth from the campground in 1964. The Clearfield Iowa Lions club was celebated by the fair this year for 50 years of shuttling fairgoers.

Gpa's wall

Nice display.

And in that display is a framed pic of my Gpa, the stud, driving without watching where he was going in 1964.

Gpa, the stud driving the tractor without watching where he's going... ride at own risk

Apparently this is ride at your own risk.

The way they look today

And after 50 years, the shuttles the Clearfield Lions Club started, are still going strong.

Overwhelmed with the famousness of my Gpa, we had to stop and get something else to eat, of course.

Sweet potato fries! while rhett eats them one by one, i prefer stuffing handfuls into my mouth

Sweet potato fries! While RM eats them one by one, I prefer stuffing handfuls into my mouth.

Then it was time for the livestock barns, starting with the cattle.

Reconsidered eating beef after looking at this cute face!

Reconsidered eating beef after looking at this cute face!

And I was a little concerned for the cute cow’s owner…

This dude's in trouble because it's only day one of the fair.

This dude’s in trouble because it’s only day one of the fair.

Every single year I’m in the livestock barns, two little shits scare unassuming people with a gigantic, plastic tarantula they tie to a fishing pole and release as you’re looking at sweet piggies.ย  And this year, those two little bastards got yours truly. I was amazed that there wasn’t a swine stampede out of the building, as I think I squealed for two minutes straight as the gnarly spider hit me square in the face. I turned around to see the culprits laughing their asses off at me (and then I joined in).

Shit 1 and Shit 2 almost made me shit my pants.

Shit 1 and Shit 2 almost made me shit my pants. I mean look at the size of that beastly spider!

After the spider scare, I had to go back and get another beer, where I ran into the fabulous brother/sister duo of Ed and Leslie! We went to high school together and shared the stage for show choir (yeah, we blazed the way for Glee. You’re welcome).

Show choir reunion!

Show choir reunion!

After panting like a puppy (I always get into character when posing for pics) and mooning half of the beer tent, as I had to basically lay down to play the part of a dog, I was hungry. Again.

Last dog of the day for me

Washing the last dog of the day down with a funnel cake. I’m so skinny.

Forcing RM to ride the double ferris wheel was an easy task after I saw the sign “NO SINGLE RIDERS” sign. I think he could see “there’s a shit show coming” written all over my face, so he graciously hopped on with me. We felt super safe when the carnie with black teeth told us there were only two in the world…and he put this one together (and then asked if I’d like to meet up with him for karaoke later).

Double ferris wheel does strange things to a man's anatomy according to RM.

Double ferris wheels do strange things to a man’s anatomy according to RM.

While Gma practically had an APB out on my whereabouts because I’d been gone for 11 hours (she called my uncle who lives an hour away from the fair, like he could do something about it), she quickly settled down upon my entrance into her apartment with a corn dog in hand.

But the first one for Gma

Who cares how long you were gone – I got a corn dog!

And then Gma got a little pissy when she saw my black feet (I swear to Christ I wore shoes. All. day. long.) on her white carpet. I had to crawl to her shower (that you have to sit in to use – so fun) in order to clean my tootsies.

What the feet?!

What the feet?!

So after 10,478 calories, hillbillly feet, never being able to zip up my skinny jeans again, making my cousin do whatever I want (I’m prepping him for marriage) while dragging him all over the miles of the fair, I can’t wait ’til next year.

Until then…



26 thoughts on “Nothing Compares

  1. aliciabenton says:

    Salad on a stick?! What the !@#$ What a waste of a good stick… smh.

    Oh, and you are the weinerest-eatin’ girl I’ve ever seen!! Hahaha! ๐Ÿ˜‰

    • I thought the same thing about the stick! And then I searched all day to see if anyone actually was eating one. I didn’t spot a single soul enjoying salad on a stick…go figure! And I eat like a trucker during the fair, then have to diet all year so I can do it again the next!

  2. Phil Lanoue says:

    That salad looks like food that my food eats.
    Deep fried cake covered hot dogs, beer, inbred hillbilly carnies! Does it get any better then that?! I’ll answer for you…no it does not.

  3. Okay–so maybe the Iowa State Fair is as good (almost) as the Minnesota one. It looks like great fun!

    • Well, I’m not sure what this means to you (means everything to me, of course) but Al Roker and NBC called the Iowa State Fair “the grandest in the nation” this morning! But I’d sure like to go to Minnesota’s and compare!

  4. I wish I was there, I would’ve been curious to try that salad on a stick. Ha! I feel bad for the cute cow. I think that was the vegan’s vandalizers point. Why eat that cute face…?

  5. nancy says:

    RM looks like he was having a good time or he is really a great actor. Love photo of Grp. Hope it is permanent. Sad to miss the spider trick. You are such a screamer!!!!

  6. Oh my corn dogs…those are my FAV. when I realized sonic had them it was a brand new day for me. And what is that lipstick you’re wearing? Sure is purdy. Don’t make gma bust out the vacuum steamer at 10pm- that’s just rude ๐Ÿ˜‰

    • I try to limit my corn dog intake to fair time only or I’d be as big as the grand champion heifer. As for the lipstick, it’s a stay forever MAC lip gloss that has been DISCONTINUED. Don’t you hate when they do that?! I’m using every. last. drop.

      • Oh I hate that. Happens all too often. That’s why I don’t show palettes too much on the blog because half the time they’re limited.

        The carnie instincts in me are strong…I can’t keep away from a corndog for long. Or any fair food for that matter. I think I’d be ok without salad on a stuck though.

      • That’s hysterical about your carnie/corn dog instincts! And we could ALL live at a fair without the salad on a stick.

        I thought that I was going to start bawling when MAC told me this shade was discontinued. I get all kinds of compliments on it. And every single time I’m wearing it in a photo on the blog, I get a comment. I should write a pleading letter for them to bring it back!

  7. FreeUrCloset says:

    11 hours of food, rides, and alcohol..doesn’t get any better than that! Reminds us of the Arizona State Fair ( which is coming soon… yeehawww! ). We are ready to feast on some corn dogs, deep-fried snickers bars, and cowboys ๐Ÿ˜‰ xoxo n+n

  8. Corn dog eh…you need to get a Chiko Roll into ya!

  9. SerachShiro says:

    That was a really fun day and you can see that you had a hell of a fun their you guys ๐Ÿ™‚ ! Now I would love to bit in a corn-dog ๐Ÿ™‚ !

  10. kellisamson says:

    Never has a fair sounded so fun! But did you eat deep fried butter?

    • Not this year – last time I went I did and it was quite a caloric experience. Overall it tastes like a cinnamon sugar donut but when you get to the end, you’re truly eating butter on a stick. Heart attack central!

  11. The Deals have you beat. We (myself, wife, and 2 daughters) went for 12 hours on opening day. My wife went back today with the kiddos for another 11 hours. If you ever need a wingman for the fair, you should befriend my wife. She is all about the fair.

  12. John says:

    Some guys love dirty feet on a woman. Fun photos!

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