How to Conduct a Trashtacular Moonshine Toast

Keepin' the family tradition alive...

Keepin’ the family tradition alive…

Being from such a classy clan, we started a tradition a few years ago to celebrate every touchdown or field goal that our favorite college football team, the Iowa Hawkeyes, score with a shot of one’s choice (this way no matter what the outcome of the game, you can have fun – even if your team sucks (which is how this lovely tradition began). Unless they score nothing of course, and if that’s the case, get a new team).

This past weekend, my dad really upped ante (and kept it Southern) by blowing the dust off of a jar of moonshine for our required celebratory shots.

Popcorn Sutton White Whiskey (it's called whiskey instead of moonshine because they pay taxes).

Popcorn Sutton White Whiskey (it’s called white whiskey instead of moonshine because they pay taxes).

In order to prep for a trashtacular toast (and be sure you’re ready for a photo-op), you must first be sure your three free fingers that aren’t holding the shot glass are available for a partial jazz hand.


Digits prepped and ready.

Second, make sure your ‘do is did. Right before this pic was snapped, my dad said, “I hope I combed my hair.”

Either way, it was too late as the toast was already in motion.


What hair? The one strand on top of your head?

Next, be sure you prolong the inevitable by clinking your glasses several times.

Don't forget the fingers.

Again, don’t forget the fingers.

Then before you take the shot, say something really clever like my dad, who said, “You know, once you go moonshine you never……….”



Feel free to borrow this toast whenever you shoot moonshine next.

Down the hatch slowly...

Trepidatious cheers.


Down the hatch…


Smooth. But hopefully the Hawks don’t score again until the second half.

Never one to be at a loss for words (unless he’s conducting a toast), my dad concluded our initial shot by saying, “Best shine I ever had.”

My response followed, “Oh no shit, Dad. It’s the first time you’ve ever had moonshine,” (although Popcorn Sutton is awfully tasty – it also mixes well with lemonade or Diet Coke for you white whiskey connoisseurs that aren’t down with our family tradition of straight shooting).

While we were hemming and hawing over the “best shine ever,” the Hawkeyes scored again.


For F’s sake. Again?! And again. And again.

So even if your team loses (like ours did in the last ten seconds), you can have some bright, shiny fun watching the game anyway with a little bit of Southern likker.




38 thoughts on “How to Conduct a Trashtacular Moonshine Toast

  1. Mandy Bengard says:

    you are both rockstars!!! ..and what an ending to that game! ACK! i was with my dad watching that game too…!!!!! only we were moonshineless — sounds like your daughter/dad team made up for our lack of the goods on our end!!! nice work, bengards! πŸ™‚

    • I know – it was such a pitiful ending to the game. Boo. Hiss. You’ll need to get some ‘shine before the next game watch with your dad. That way, he can be a big blow hard and say, “best shine I ever had.” You know, since it’s now family tradition and all! XOXO

  2. when you come to visit, bring your ‘rents. They look like fun and your dad can fix stuff if it breaks. A win-win for us all!

    • Done and done, Sister. My dad will require the cheapest of vodkas you can find (we lovingly call it rot gut) and will sit on your beautiful back porch/patio until he is needed to fix something while us girls peruse your fave shopping sites!

  3. I like your dad. If I wasn’t already married and in total-love; and if he wasn’t already the same… never mind (okay, I’m giving away my middle age here… I just mean, he’s swell)!

  4. MrJohnson says:

    Your dad looks huge! I would look like his seeing eye midget if I was standing next to him.

  5. LifeOfBun says:

    That jar is the coolest thing ever! We’re pretty normal around here when it comes to booze so that’s WONDROUS haha!

  6. Phil Lanoue says:

    You just gotta love tradition!

  7. filbio says:

    I think I am falling in love…….

  8. Wow, your dad is awesome! It seems like a fun house. When is
    Popcorn Sutton going to make a pink White Whiskey jar πŸ™‚

  9. […] at the Ozarks where yet another one of our classy family traditions (which also include Jell-O and moonshine shots) was born.Β  Allow me to introduce you […]

  10. […] Although we had to squint to watch our game, touchdowns still required our family tradition of moonshine shots. […]

  11. […] One touchdown, one moonshine shot. […]

  12. […] our Iowa Hawkeyes decided to show up and play ball. In a major way. And we bravely carried on our family tradition of a moonshine shot for every touchdown the Hawks […]

  13. […] Being that my Hawks won big last week, I expected no less this week as Iowa scored first and we happily stuck to our moonshine touchdown tradition. […]

  14. […] one more Iowa Hawkeye football game. And while I wasn’t with my family to celebrate in our traditional game day ways, we still ‘tailgated’ […]

  15. […] may or may not have done a moonshine shot every single time Iowa made a […]

  16. […] long as the commercials are funny and the touchdown moonshine is flowing, I’ll be good to […]

  17. […] dad and I started a tradition a few years ago to celebrate every touchdown that our favorite college football team, the Iowa […]

  18. […] The wee wee updates proved to be more exciting than the Iowa game BUT our fellas were the first to score a touchdown and you know that meant moonshine! […]

  19. […] all of that being said, our touchdown tradition carried on in great force on […]

  20. […] traditional touchdown shots were accomplished (we even brought our own lucky shot glasses) as our waiter kept bringing us a […]

  21. […] However, perfection touched the state I hold so dear to my heart in a way that before 2015 was unimaginable. My Iowa Hawkeyes had a perfect – yes I said perfect – regular college football season. The Hawks are typically mediocre (but full of heart!), and us fans were just hoping for a winning season to get to a bowl game. So you can imagine our surprise when our team kept winning game after game after game….after game (and we kept doing shot after shot after shot…). […]

  22. […] dad and I started a tradition a few years ago to celebrate every touchdown that our favorite college football team, the Iowa […]

  23. […] up with our classy, traditional Hawkeye touchdown shots, we started early in the first quarter. Even Tballs the Cyclone was a good sport at […]

  24. […] Family tradition continued the shenanigans of good fortune with touchdown shots. […]

  25. […] Then finally in the last two minutes of the game, Iowa scored a touchdown and we were able to celebrate family tradition style. […]

  26. […] was sexually harassed at the career I adored, forced out of the career I adored, guzzled countless family tradition Hawkeye touchdown shots, hosted celebratory for anything parties, endured Rapegate (and the shit […]

  27. […] As game time approached, the twins set the scene for our family touchdown tradition. […]

  28. […] switched our Family Tradition touchdown shots from moonshine to Tennessee Fire (cinnamon whiskey – waaaaaay smoother than Fireball), when […]

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