How to Make an Ass of Yourself in a Fancy Vegas Bar

Hey, is that Kate Upton?

Hey, is that Kate Upton? Nope. Just an asshole tourist trying to tear diamond decor from the wall.

It all started with good intentions.

On the last morning of my inaugural Vegas trip, I realized that I’d barely ventured outside of any hotel property I’d stepped foot in (MGM Grand, Hard Rock Casino) and thought it’d be best to check out the strip before heading to the airport to catch a late afternoon flight.

The problem is, we started at The Cosmopolitan where I immediately morphed into a raccoon with all of the sparkly, shiny, lighted decor glowing all around me.

Shoemazing!

A lady who could live in a shoe. A fabulous, high-heeled shoe.

The height of my sensory overload peaked at The Chandelier bar which was a must stop for a late morning cocktail (it’s Vegas, don’t judge. And plus, it’s football season and perfectly acceptable to drink liquor before noon, right?) and where I threw any remaining ounce of classiness out of my body.

Hello Heaven.

Hello Heaven.

We thought one drink wouldn’t hurt before heading out to catch a few last hours of sun and fun down the Las Vegas strip.

Happy breakfast cocktail!

Cheers for breakfast cocktails!

But then we made new friends like Olga from Germany (who had harsh love advice for me but kept padding it with liquor, so I listened).

And this started happening. Over and over.

Then this happened.

Three times the fun!

As the libations kept being poured, we didn’t want our Vegas vacay to end (and I didn’t really want to leave the confines of another hotel property), so we pushed our flight back a few hours in order to keep the day party going (who cared if the new arrangements had us landing at 1am and we had to work the next morning? We certainly didn’t mind. Until the next morning arrived, of course).

If we hadn’t changed our flight, this photo shoot would never have taken place (who really needs to walk the strip, anyhow?).

holla

That’s right. A daytime photo shoot on Vegas hotel stairs might have given me an elbow rash.

And if we’d kept our previous travel plans, I never would have been able to strain my back trying to attain the perfect arch for my new modeling portfolio.

Started off as Gisele

Can someone help me flip over? Please? Seriously. Help.

What would fancy Las Vegas casino bars do without trashtacular tourists such as myself?

Be a million notches classier, perhaps?

CBXB

CBXB!

31 thoughts on “How to Make an Ass of Yourself in a Fancy Vegas Bar

  1. Susie says:

    You look gorgeous! even if you are making an ass out of yourself you’re doing it with pizazz!

  2. Ms B. BAD says:

    LMAO at your photo shoot!!!

  3. filbio says:

    The Cosmpolitan is all about the white trash American!

  4. Phil Lanoue says:

    When I first saw your post title I wondered who? Who could possibly make an ass out of themselves in a fancy Vegas bar?! I had to read further to find out who it would be. I figured it was gonna turn out to be Miley Cyrus, never in a million years did I think it would turn out to be you. 😯
    But after seeing the photos of your escapades I realize you played it exactly right. Keep it real out there OK πŸ˜€

    • I assumed everyone would think Miley Cyrus created a circus style extravaganza in a Vegas hotel, but I happily took the reigns from her after hours of day drinking whatever the bartender was handing us. I feel it’s my duty to keep it real, as someone must!

  5. Your such a fun girl!!! I wish I had you in my life! We could balance each other out πŸ˜›

  6. OMG! The photo shoot on the steps is the BEST!

  7. SerachShiro says:

    This was so fun, only you can do this photo on the Hotel stars and the enormous pump is so special, lovely post πŸ™‚ !

  8. LifeOfBun says:

    Shoe! Shoe! Shoe! Goant fabulous shoe! I’d like that in my house and i’m not even kidding. And I think you make people’s day there to be honest, you’d sure cheer me up at a day of work haha!

  9. I think I would’ve had a shoe-ganism stand in that beautiful and sexy red shoe :). You looked gorgeous as usual.

    • Shoe-gasm! I LOVE IT! And I’m pretty sure I had one when I saw the shoe – it was the audible gasp heard ’round the casino. Now I know what to call it! And thanks for the compliment – although I had help from pink sequins (and vodka).

  10. Great pictures! Photogenicism up the wazoo!

    If I were to try posing on the stairs, I’d end up realizing it was escalators and I was moving downward to the floor and a slow, mild concussion. So major kudos! Sneaky stairs turn into escalators when you least expect it.

    P.S.- It’s highly suspect that “photogenicism” is anywhere close to a real word. I wrote to Webster’s Dictionary to check, but they won’t reply.

  11. elkee says:

    That giant pump! How cool! If it was any bigger I would try to steal it and use it as a bed lol.

Holla at me!

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