While in Iowa celebrating my niece and nephew’s 365th day on Earth this past weekend, I felt the need to put my mad skills as an aunt (I take my job very seriously) to use which unfortunately lead to a large lump on my noggin.
My tiny, demanding, adorably darling relatives race around on their hands and knees while fully expecting you to chase them. Being that I’m not the kind of aunt who rests on her laurels, I joined in on the carpet tag fun (much to my knees dismay).
While traipsing around my sister’s house on all fours, lively niece decided to be a little shit and head for cover under the kitchen table. In hopes to keep her from bumping her tender head, I went to stand up and grab her. In the process I introduced the crown of my skull to the granite countertop with such force, stars appeared before my eyes and high-pitched sounds filled my ears.
Being too stunned to move or say anything (I’m sure those who are around me constantly wish I’d hit my head on a regular basis so I would shut the fuck up from time to time), my sister came over and picked me up. Then we grabbed the closest frozen bag of anything out of the freezer and slapped it on my head.
My bro-in-law came to my rescue with a ziploc of ice and a towel by which I was immediately confused.
Oh! The towel is to put around my neck that feels like it just met a baseball bat.
But then my head was cold. A fast thinker (and someone who was tired of my bitching) threw me a washcloth to alleviate the chills that were multiplying (you know, I’m pretty sure I saw Danny Zuko while the room was spinning after I sustained head trauma).
Because I was definitely dazed and beyond confused, we played fun games like, “how many fingers am I holding up,” and “can you touch your finger to your nose” with abandon. The possibilities of heading to the hospital were thwarted once I asked for liquor to help wash my pain away.
Sighs of relief were administered and my alcohol prescription was filled to the brim.
If you weren’t already aware, a glass of champagne takes the brain pain away (you’re welcome for this tidbit).
While my collision with a counter was a few days ago, I still have a dull headache, sore neck, back and brain (full disclosure: my brain always hurts – I know you’re not surprised) and I’m wearing my lump like a crown.
But I am following my self advised cocktail prescription and that seems to help.
Now, who are you again?