Queen of a Cracked Skull

Being a fun aunt is going to be the death of me.

Being a fun aunt may be the death of me.

While in Iowa celebrating my niece and nephew’s 365th day on Earth this past weekend, I felt the need to put my mad skills as an aunt (I take my job very seriously) to use which unfortunately lead to a large lump on my noggin.

Let's play.

Cute culprits.

My tiny, demanding, adorably darling relatives race around on their hands and knees while fully expecting you to chase them. Being that I’m not the kind of aunt who rests on her laurels, I joined in on the carpet tag fun (much to my knees dismay).

Chase

Rug rats.

While traipsing around my sister’s house on all fours, lively niece decided to be a little shit and head for cover under the kitchen table.Β  In hopes to keep her from bumping her tender head, I went to stand up and grab her. In the process I introduced the crown of my skull to the granite countertop with such force, stars appeared before my eyes and high-pitched sounds filled my ears.

This happened. Fancy meeting you here. Where you've always been. Since the house was built.

Fancy meeting you here. Where you’ve always been. Since the house was built.

Being too stunned to move or say anything (I’m sure those who are around me constantly wish I’d hit my head on a regular basis so I would shut the fuck up from time to time), my sister came over and picked me up. Then we grabbed the closest frozen bag of anything out of the freezer and slapped it on my head.

Chocolate helps always.

Who are you? Where am I? Why is there an icy bag of chocolate chips on my head? Can I have one?

My bro-in-law came to my rescue with a ziploc of ice and a towel by which I was immediately confused.

Ice ice baby.

My best virgin Mary impression.

Oh! The towel is to put around my neck that feels like it just met a baseball bat.

Beauty

Ice ice baby.

But then my head was cold. A fast thinker (and someone who was tired of my bitching) threw me a washcloth to alleviate the chills that were multiplying (you know, I’m pretty sure I saw Danny Zuko while the room was spinning after I sustained head trauma).

What. the. fuck.

Seriously. Who the fuck are you? Where am I? Why am I balancing ice on my head?

Because I was definitely dazed and beyond confused, we played fun games like, “how many fingers am I holding up,” and “can you touch your finger to your nose” with abandon. The possibilities of heading to the hospital were thwarted once I asked for liquor to help wash my pain away.

Sighs of relief were administered and my alcohol prescription was filled to the brim.

The cure!

The one and only cure for your truly.

If you weren’t already aware, a glass of champagne takes the brain pain away (you’re welcome for this tidbit).

Feelin' good in the 'hood.

I still don’t know who in the hell you are but I don’t care! I have champs!

While my collision with a counter was a few days ago, I still have a dull headache, sore neck, back and brain (full disclosure: my brain always hurts – I know you’re not surprised) and I’m wearing my lump like a crown.

But I am following my self advised cocktail prescription and that seems to help.

Now, who are you again?

CBXB

CBXB!

51 thoughts on “Queen of a Cracked Skull

  1. markbialczak says:

    Poor baby! Nothin’ like a ‘nock on the noggin’ to bring out the liberal use of the letter n, apostrophes and an icy bag of chocolate chips. Must have been a fun drive home to Teddy’s warm and embracing paws with the stiff neck and aching skull, my friend. Ouch.

  2. Hilarious post. Sorry about your head. Drink two margaritas and call me in the morning.

  3. Floral And Stripes says:

    Head bumps are no fun! But cocktails can fix it all!

    I nominated you for The Sunshine Blogger award, just a fun way to share information about yourself and get to know other bloggers! Check it out on my blog to participate http://floralandstripes.wordpress.com/2014/01/22/the-sunshine-blogger-award/

    xx Jamie Lynne

  4. I’m glad you found the right medicine! πŸ˜‰

  5. Phil Lanoue says:

    It should be standard procedure to pass out glasses of champagne at all ER waiting rooms.
    If you have to sit somewhere with a bunch of sick and injured people you should at least be able to do it with style.
    Plus as you say, it’s so therapeutic.

  6. Hey…girls just want to have fun! πŸ™‚

  7. Kaufman's Kavalkade says:

    LoL…

  8. next time i recommend a bag of frozen peas..if they are on your head theyre not in ted..hey im a poet..get better bumpkin.

  9. Make sure you use this injury to your advantage for as long as you can. We southerners live by that motto.

  10. JMC813 says:

    Sounds like poor CBXB got a bit concussed. Sorry to hear it. Glad you are okay though. Granite counters are an unforgiving lot. Nothing a Screwdriver (drink) and a sledgehammer (actual sledge hammer) can’t take care of tho. LOL.

  11. Aussa Lorens says:

    Ouch ouch ouch I’ve hit my head on more things than I’d care to admit and absolutely feel your pain. I know that moment of panic when you leap to rescue a soft toddler head, I can’t imagine coming in contact with granite in the process.

  12. 1EarthUnited says:

    Ouch! Feel better soon, keep the drinks coming. β™₯

  13. whatwewear says:

    ouch!!!! hope you’re feeling better!
    we must say though, you look pretty fabulous with packs of ice on your head and a cocktail in your hand πŸ™‚

  14. Hi sweetheart, it’s me, Don. You’ve forgotten to send me the $500 this month. You were sending me $500 in cash every month for the next 10 years because of that thing I did for you, do you remember? Oh, and you’re also a Missouri Tiger fan, hence all that black and gold clothing…hope you’re feeling better! And nice job dropping an F bomb in your post! Love it!

  15. mollytopia says:

    Hahaha this is hilarious. Frozen chocolate chips and champagne are ALWAYS a great idea. Sorry you busted your head – I hope they let you eat all the chocolate chips : )

  16. filbio says:

    Sorry to laugh but OUCH! Hope you drank enough to kill the pain!

  17. Poor baby!!!! I think the “Skinny Pirate” will cure the pain.

  18. The things we do for other people’s kids….I once strained my ankle racing a four year old in the dark. Damn you, Ann Arbor shit sidewalks. It was my first week in the US, and I spent the next four barely moving….good to see you soldiered through!!

  19. SerachShiro says:

    Now I am SΓ©rach and you must have a real playing spirit to go behind those rug rats on your knees……….hahaha ! Hope your head is already feeling good but I think I don’t have to worry because after a delicious glass of Champagne you have too, say ciao to the twins and a hug for you πŸ™‚ !

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