How to Get Down a Girl’s Pants

Getting to second and third base with a lady is an easy feat….if you’re a camera dude.

Rough, rough job. But somebody’s got to mic me.

While filming a sizzle reel for a potential reality TV show a few weeks ago, I got immediately intimate with the camera guy on day one. I think our initial meeting went something like this:

“Hi, I’m Ian. I need to put this mic down your shirt.”

Never one to be shy, I responded with, “Bring it.”

So if you find yourself timid with lackluster skills around the ladies, allow me to suggest a career move to the film industry.

No game required to be this guy and still score with ladies.

Being a camera dude (the correct term for this job is Director of Photography but that doesn’t have as good of a ring to it, ya dig?), not only do you get to put your creative thinking cap on, hiding mics in weirdo places like tiny disco balls (yes, only in my mini manse would this problem arise)…

Microphone hider extraordinaire.

…you also get to touch ladies from the tip tops of their heads…

Can you please not palm me?

…down lovely their backsides…

Even married ladies let you go in for the kill.

…and up the other.

As you can see, Ian loathes his line of work.

While he was nothing but professional, I couldn’t help but blow Ian shit whenever he was carrying a mic pack toward me.

You want to do what to me where?

This kind of touching usually requires at least $800 worth of liquor, you lucky devil you.

You dropped the tiny mic down my shirt? *Awkward*

By the end of filming I was all kinds of professionally appropriate and barely noticed when Ian had his hand down my shirt.

Hey-Oh!

As you can see, I hated every second.

CBXB