How to Make an Ass of Yourself on a Party Bus

For me, making an ass out of myself is so easy.

I just threw my back out

The look of throwing one’s back out.

It all starts with the rental of a party bus – complete with motion lights, dance music, an extremely patient designated driver and a gaggle of loud ladies.

Big wheels keep on turnin'

Big wheels keep on turnin’.

Add in a few bottles of booze to pass the time while cruisin’ around town.

Such a good idea

Feels so good when it hits the lips.

And boom. Immediate dance party on the bus.

Automatic dance party.

No tips please.

As the bus stops at your selected designation, walk on the carpet to the entrance of the bar like E! News is there covering your every move.

Rolled out the red carpet for me. And the 572 other folks at the bar Friday night.

Red carpet for me….and the 572 other folks at the joint.

As you drive around town, be sure to keep your head out the window (yes, just like dogs do) as you drive at 8 mph. The wind will ever-so-slightly be blowing through your hair (and you’ll feel like a vixen from some music video), so as you look like you’ve never met a brush in your life.

When a bouncer of a bar runs up to your window (because you’re driving at such dynamic speeds) and offers your entire bus free shots, try to keep it together.

Nothing a little Jager can't cure

We’ll break your bank. Seriously.

After doing shots for the girls that were too classy to participate (how can you say no? It’s FREE!) show everyone the evidence of your tonsillectomy from when you were 6-years-old.

I just wanted everyone to know that I had my tonsils removed.

Nope. No tonsils in sight.

You know it’s time to party down when the jazz hands come out to play.

Jazz hands!

No girls night out (or asshole) is complete without a set of these babies.

Upon exhibiting your mad dancing skills, it’s important you keep hydrated.

Down the...

Down the…

So you’re able to keep the bus moving off of your energy alone.

No tips please.

The night’s 3,291st rendition of “Girls Just Want to Have Fun.”

By this point, you’ll know it’s time to bust a major move.

Getting down with my ducky self.

Getting down with my ducky self.

Then when someone suggests a move after you keep bragging about knowing how to do hot yoga…

You want me to what?

You want me to what?

…you accept the challenge and pull all kinds muscles you never knew existed within your body.

I got this.

Leaning tower of CBXB.

And when you’re done showing how big of an ass you can be, head to the nearest masseuse.

Trust me.

CBXB

CBXB!

42 thoughts on “How to Make an Ass of Yourself on a Party Bus

  1. The Regular Guy NYC says:

    Been there. Done that! Instant assclown – just add alcohol! I hide those pics!

  2. I wish I lived there so I could watch this!!! So much fun!

  3. vudragovich says:

    Gee, after most wild nights, I hear greasy food, Gatorade….but a masseuse…that is new. Did you have Mr Teddy walk on your head? You better trim his claws first or it will be accupuncture masseuse!

    • I wish I’d have read your comment before allowing Mr. Ted to paw all over my head, as I have a slight scratch on my forehead (I think that’s mostly because of the costumes I dress him in…). And why not have greasy food, Gatorade and a massage? Best hangover cure ever.

  4. Crikey, out of control and loving it!

  5. markbialczak says:

    And the masseuse looks at the soused CBXB, bent from busting it, and coos these words of everlasting endearment: “I knead you!”

  6. Well, what can I say? 😯 Love the jacket though. 😎

  7. Ducky Self photo is my fave, although the yoga move is MUCHO IMPRESSIVO!
    Partay Bus is now officially your mode of transportation – just add cat carrier!!

  8. FreeUrCloset says:

    Oh CBXB what can we say except..we’re so jelly, we need to party with you! You really know how hoe down sistah! xoxo N&N

  9. JMC813 says:

    Could you even possibly be more fun CBXB? Dunno if I could keep up. I do say though that it is a shame you are such an introvert. We will have to find a way to break you out of your shell, and remove that shy exterior. LOL.

    • If Ted can keep up with me, anyone can! Now granted, he likes to nap for about 12 hours at a time while sitting next to my shenanigans but still. And I am seeking a therapist who can help me become more assertive, learn how to speak up and dress less conservatively. Know any?

  10. Nancy Brown says:

    You’re right, no tonsils!

  11. SerachShiro says:

    You had a great-time I saw and how fun was the photo of you with the bottle of Jagermeister πŸ™‚ ! The morning after Teddy brought your breakfast to bed or he was still sleeping ? πŸ™‚

  12. Phil Lanoue says:

    Once again you got it goin’ on!

  13. This is partying that even Andrew WK would be jealous of!

  14. Aussa Lorens says:

    Ahh haha– I’ve never seen the inside of a party bus but this pretty much lives up to all of my expectations! Maybe someday…

  15. OMG, Your ducky self picture. Priceless! Hahaha

  16. You know, if that giant bottle had slipped you would have been a “genie in a bottle.” Good thing you are the mighty CBXB!

Holla at me!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s