How to Make an Ass of Yourself Acting Like a Local

Find yourself feeling awkward while in a city other than your hometown? While on a trip to Key West, I practiced the art of acting like a fool local to better fit in with the citizens of the beautiful destination.

While trying to be mistaken as a local, it’s best to try to blend in with your surroundings.

Blending in with my surroundings fail.

Blending fail.

You’ll want to take as many pictures of the ocean as possible while you sit your ass on a beach chair all day. You won’t look like a tourist. At all.

Exhausting

Salt water photo #461.

To ensure your native status, find a local celebrity and become fast friends.

Hello? Peter Cottontail? Bombard the E. Bunny's house.

Stalking Peter Cottontail. We’re now besties.

Throw yourself in front of tourist traps, like ghost story trolleys. Locals hate that kind of shit.

Throw yourself

The only thing scary on this tour is me.

Do as the residents do and hop on any car with one million stickers and repeat the world welcome every time another human walks by.

Car model Price is Right just called and offered me a job.

Pretty sure I almost caught chlamydia by sitting on that damn car.

Hit your concierge up for local hot spots that mostly residents frequent. Once you’ve arrived, act like you’ve never been out of the damn house before as you ooh and ahh over the gravel floor, the open air ceiling and the patio lights that are a staple at every other beach restaurant (and that you also have hanging on your own porch).

Blue Heaven is truly heaven on earth.

Blue Heaven is truly heaven on earth.

Even though you grew up in a small farming community and own two cats, be sure to document the strange creatures roaming around the restaurant that seem so foreign. All locals get picture happy in native establishments.

A cat?!

A cat?! Where’s my camera?

Peeps! In real life!

Peeps! In real life!

Coax those little chicks to sit on your finger in between every bite of delicious nourishment.Β  Everyone that lives in Key West does this. Trust me.

Polly want a cracker?

Polly want a cracker?

Spot a mama hen cuddling with her newly hatched chick and suddenly long for a feathered baby of your own.

Cluck

I need that beaked baby!

Proceed to cluck and grow your own wings to entice the real, live Peeps to follow you out of the restaurant.Β  I promise you will not look like an ass clown.

Mama Hen

Mama Hen at her worst.

When the Great Poultry Heist fails miserably, console yourself (and solve all of the world’s problems) by swinging in a hammock under palm trees talking in a voice just loud enough to keep your fellow vacationers up ’til dawn.

Chatty

Are you there God? It’s me, CBXB.

Be sure to pack your finest sleep accessories as you will be amazed at the energy it takes to act like a resident of whatever community you’re visiting.

Clucking and talking is hard work.

Clucking and talking is hard work.

As you can see, acting like a local is exhausting but if you follow my tips, you’ll fit right in.

CBXB

CBXB!

35 thoughts on “How to Make an Ass of Yourself Acting Like a Local

  1. NEED/WANT the sleep mask! Fun trip clearly! Scary to think what Ted & New Cat would do to little baby cluck, probably best the heist was a fail!

  2. Don’t be a tourist. Never be a tourist.

  3. markbialczak says:

    I’ve been to Key West, CBXB, and you out-local the locals!

  4. Phil Lanoue says:

    You would fit in perfectly here in Myrtle Beach, and not even be close to being considered an annoying tourist.

  5. Kavalkade Krew says:

    Yeah, you don’t fit in like a local, sorry.
    You fit in like a loco though. And I approve of that!

  6. But the jazz hands in front of the ghost tour isn’t a tourist move, is it? Please say it isn’t. I may or may not have done that. Allegedly.

  7. JMC813 says:

    CBXB is a FLA. native all the way. I can tell a tourist a mile away and you my dear are not one. LOL.

  8. Oh boy, another new new cat :). TB is not having it!!! By the way, love your eye mask.

  9. I have officially caught up the CBXB Easter and vacation posts. It’s been a week since I’ve caught up with my awesome blogger friends.

    The vacation was probably much-needed, and it looked so much fun. Glad to live vicariously through you. I’m sure you heard some fantastic music down there. Live music is (usually) always good music.

  10. SerachShiro says:

    Don’t be a tourist never, because you get bored but be always yourself (loved the photo of the blending fail) ! Have a lovely sleep, I think you need it after all this clucking and talking πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ !

  11. st sahm says:

    You have the most fun wherever you go. What a great trip! (No idea why but I imagined Ted as your photographer)

  12. Kavalkade Krew says:

    Where are your weekend winks? Moving is no excuse!

  13. We hired Two and a Truck, too, and they were great.

  14. You’re absolutely crazy, and I bet those locals heaved a sigh of relief when you high-tailed it out of there. I so approve of the hammock idea, although I’ve never actually managed to get comfortable enough to sleep in one. I was quite fooled by your Mama Hen act, but I don’t think you’d convince the chicks. πŸ™‚

Leave a Reply to Cowboys and Crossbones Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s