How to Almost Lose a Pussy

Oh the shit I do for cats.

The possible poster I would hang around my neighborhood further solidifying my crazy status.

The possible poster I could hang around my neighborhood further solidifying my deranged status when it comes to felines.

Little did I know what would be in store for yours truly when I found this vociferous feline outside of my mini manse one freezing evening this past January.

Mouth of the South

Loud and oh-so-proud.

With every intention of finding this fur ball a good home, I dubbed him New Cat to avoid the development of any feelings toward the little beast.

Fast forward six months and…

…two eye infections…

Pink eye

Pink eyed pussy.

…one ear ache accompanied by a cone…

Crazier by the second over here in my neck of Nashville's cat hoarding woods.

Feeling the love.

…four vet visits in two months…

Replaced monkey on my back with cat, naturally.

Really trying to avoid the cold, sterile vet table.

…one very embarrassing trip to Walgreens…

Hi. I'm a cat lady. And yes, I'm crazy.

Music to my mother f’ing ears when I heard this name called over the loudspeaker at the pharmacy.

…and roughly $400 later this fur ball still resides under the same roof as His Royal Majesty Teddy and me.

Not-so-brotherly love.

Not-so-brotherly love.

While three’s often proven to be a crowd, the atmosphere in the mini manse is less tense and Ted, New Cat and I have been able to cohabitate pretty eventlessly.

Until last night when I was saying good-bye to a buddy that had stopped by and as I was shutting the door, I saw this pass by me –

Flash

Wait, was that a cat?

If you suspect that ball of flash was New Cat, making a run for the outside world he so desperately wanted rescued from a mere 180 days ago, you’d be spot on.

See ya.

The welcoming woods outside my front door.

Aside from the fact that this little shit is as fast as a puma, it was haunted house dark outside, I had on my flip-flop house slippers and the brush adjacent to my place is currently as abundant as a royal’s monthly allowance.

Spot the tuxedo pussy?

The feline equivalent to the Where’s Waldo game.

As my buddy and I ran from one end of the tiny forest to the other, we could hear this cat wailing his pitiful meow while refusing to come anywhere near my reach. I was oh-so-cutely hollering, “NEW CAT! NEW CAT! Here kitty, kitty, kitty…Here Newie!” over and over again (I’m sure my neighbors did nothing but roll eyes and chalk it up to the crazy assed cat woman reputation I’ve secured for myself) and after about 10 minutes of playing the most unappreciated game of cat and mouse ever, NC crept up to my near hoarse voice.

Hanging out with cats has garnered me feline-like skills and I had a mama cat’s grip on the back of his neck so fast he couldn’t react. When I whisked him through the front door and breathed a slight sigh of relief, Mr. Tuxedo knew his ass was grass.

Hiding

I’ll just be under here until you’re done seething.

Can't see me, can you?

Can’t see me, can you?

While New Cat was busy burying his head into linoleum, I poured myself a bottle glass of wine and happened to catch my reflection in a nearby mirror. Why was the mole on my neck moving?

Oh, because it wasn’t a mole.

It was a fucking tick.

A tick that wouldn’t die.

Lovely

Attempting to crawl out of the toilet for the third time.

After hosting a brief funeral for the blood sucking creature that did finally take its last breath, I stomped down the hall to lay into New Cat who crept further under his throw rug fort.

Jail

Blending in with surroundings fail.

As soon as I pointed my finger at his little face, he gave me the very best version of puppy dog eyes I’d ever seen on a cat and my fury instantly turned into mush.

I'M SORRY.

I’M SORRY.

While the shenanigans of a Monday night were winding down, Ted showed the utmost concern one could about a sibling vanishing into the night.

Concerned Cat

Adrift in anxiety.

New Cat laid low and kept quiet all night, he did come out of hiding as I was getting gussied up for work.

Out of hiding.

We’re cool, right?

And as I said my good-byes while traipsing out the door, I knew all was back to normal in the mini manse.

What?

What?

Here’s hoping the rest of the week is uneventful.

CBXB

CBXB!

48 thoughts on “How to Almost Lose a Pussy

  1. John says:

    Glad you got NC back inside! And the tick? EEw!! So nasty!

  2. markbialczak says:

    Fast as a puma. I love that line, CBXB.

    That dang cat coulda been lost in the abundant royal shrubbery forever. Then he’d be out of luck. No more lick fests with Tedster.

    Yes, the tick was pretty nasty. Ew.

  3. LOL… Love your work! ๐Ÿ™‚

  4. I totes could hear you all the way over here in Cbad! Glad to hear a great ending to a scary story.x

  5. PS tick=ick. I had one stuck to my stomach once when I was looking for one of my cats. that did NOT have a good ending…coyote.

  6. New Cat is going to keep you on your toes I see.

  7. Jolene says:

    Our “new cats” are rebellious ones!!! Penny peed in my husband’s new slippers Sunday, brought home a lizard and enjoys hanging out with the Toms in our neighborhood. Hahaha

  8. Tell the truth – new Tick has a cage doesn’t he? LOL!
    Ticks scare the POOP out of me, lyme disease is a huge problem up here in Boston. V glad you found it and “flushed” it (there is a cushy Juicy bedazzled tick cage isn’t there?)

    Super duper happy NC is safe. Poor Ted must be exhausted from all that worrying…

    • I’m CRYING over your tick comments. How did you know he was set up in a rhinestone encrusted cage? I kid! Tick scare me, too which is why I’m forking over the moola for New Cat to be doused in Frontline this evening.

      Ted sends you purrs for understanding the beauty sleep lost in the safe recovery of his brother.

  9. Jani says:

    Sounds like an exciting evening!

  10. Tracy says:

    Well, since you have invested so much time and money in New Cat, you should probably keep him/her. He/she is really pretty. I can’t stand for an animal to go hungry, hence two strays that have wandered up in the past years. One is ours now and the other I am trying to tame to give away.

  11. That little sneak. Glad all is good in the CBXB abode.

    Those damn ticks. At least the cats are fine with them. Lou gets himself into a mess sometime, and I’ve pulled so many out of him.

    • Yeah, ticks are so gross! I have been mauling New Cat to be sure he didn’t get anything stuck in is fur and so far so good. Glad the little tick I had never made it past my neck. It would have been lost in my hair for months. YUCK!

  12. vudragovich says:

    Dont mess w Mama Kat!
    Use that neck scruff!
    Oh, and if you are going to flush a tick, wrap in tp, will help it stay down.
    Or use a blow torch…er…uh…lighter and it will go POP!
    (glad you did not get lime disease or whatever it is they carry, it is nasty!)

    • Thank you for the tick killing tips! I seriously thought the little sucker was never going to die! It was like a horror movie where the monster keeps coming back to life over…and over…and over again!

  13. VivBlogs says:

    That fucking cat! I’m glad to know that I’m not the only person who has a sense of humor when it comes to naming cats. I’m glad you caught it ungrateful little turd before he went out and really got into some trouble. You really need to find a way to control your pussy, it’s got a mind of its own!

    • HAHA! How can I possibly control my pussy with a mind of its own?! I am beyond envious of your cat’s name and kinda wish I’d have bequeathed my newest pussy with it instead of fucking New Cat. Although I didn’t realize I was keeping him…that’s a good defense for a name, right?!

  14. […] Cowboys keeps trying to give away her pussy, but has no takers. […]

  15. Naughty NC! So happy you found NC.

  16. Mitzie Mee says:

    Great to hear that New Cat came back, but I’m also curious about New Tick. Hope it doesn’t get eye infections:)

  17. JMC813 says:

    Ya gotta know that ya can’t have Tedstars laid back chill twice in one household. Hence New Cats wanderlust and disrespect/disregard for Mama Crossbones time and patience. But the tick woulda been my last straw. As soon as I was sure NC didn’t bring back any hitchhikers I would have immediately given him at least a couple days sentence on my shit list. But then again, I neither drink Skinny Pirates, nor am I a “Crazy Cat Lady”. LOL.

    • Oh New Cat was most certainly on my shit list after trying to escape AND causing my much older pharmacist to fall in love with my craziness. So I paid him back by keeping him up partying all weekend. That being said, I screamed so loudly when I saw my ‘mole’ er…tick moving on my neck that I needed an entire bottle of Captain to ease my heart back to its normal beat pattern.

  18. kellisamson says:

    Under the rug? This cat is smart. Kind of.

  19. SerachShiro says:

    Omg…………that f……tick ! I’m happy that you are OK and that crazy fast NC came back in the house, ooh NC & Teddy makes you running eh but so you stay limber !!

  20. […] How to Almost Lose a Pussy […]

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