Famous Pussy Lover

It appears that my reputation is beginning to precede me.

Hi.

Hello. My name is CBXB and I have a well known pussy problem.

A few days ago, the slightly monstrous fur ball that Ted and I rescued in January tried to escape from the castle in which he resides.

New Cat

The failed jail breaker.

Forced friends.

New Cat and Ted …forced friends.

Upon taking in the nameless pussy that I monikered New Cat (you know, to cleverly avoid developing any emotional attachment – and as you can see clearly worked since he still lives with us six months later…) he proved to be just as high maintenance as the other pussy living under my roof.

Pussy pink eye

Pussy pink eye developed within days of rescue.

Because he was ill with ear, nose and throat problems (and I was ill from the lack of dough left in my leopard wallet due to New Cat’s incessant sicknesses) a lovely cone was placed around his tiny neck.

Cone head.

Miserable in his new mini manse.

When the cone and creams alone didn’t heal the newest member of our family, we unhappily packed up and made our fourth cheap visit to the vet in two weeks.

What felt like 4,382 trip to vet.

What felt like the 4,382 trip to the cat doctor.

To my surprise, the vet handed over a prescription that had to be filled at my local Walgreens. I apparently hadn’t reach crazy enough status in the animal kingdom to know that pets can receive medicine from people places.

Did you know you can get pet prescriptions at human pharmacies?

Who knew? Not this blonde.

So I traipsed over to the pharmacy where I skipped up to the counter and proceeded to make a gigantic ass clown of myself.

60-ish year old male Pharmacist: “Have you ever filled a prescription here before?”

CBXB: “Yes, for me. But this one is for my cat.”

60-ish year old male Pharmacist: “OK, what’s your cat’s name?”

CBXB spoken in a very low, embarrassed voice, ashamed to possess a feline with no name: “New Cat.”

60-ish year old male Pharmacist: “Oh, OK. You have a new cat? What’s his name?”

CBXB, feeling the need to share past month’s life story: “Well, his name is New Cat because he doesn’t have a name because he’s a stray that I took in a few weeks ago and I don’t want to get attached by giving him a cutesy name because I have another cat that is my pride and joy and high maintenance because his bags of food cost $60 because he has kitty Celiac Disease so I really can’t afford to take in another cat right now even though I’ve already dropped about $350 on this stray because he’s cute and needs medicine and vet visits and so his name is New Cat.”

60-ish year old male Pharmacist, silent for an awkward 15 seconds: “I see. Well, good for you helping out an animal in need. I’m a cat person, too.”

PHEW.

Grandpa Pharmacist understood the deranged cat language I was speaking.Β  Feeling ultra responsible and like a stand up citizen for rescuing a neighborhood stray in need, I perused the beauty aisle and almost shattered a bottle of nail polish on the tile floor when I heard over the loud-speaker..

“New Cat. New Cat. New Cat your order is ready.”

Oh. My. Fucking. Gawd.

New Cat, New Cat your order is ready.

Dignity left in the beauty aisle.

Slowly walking back up to the counter, trying to pretend that every normal person gets prescriptions filled for their cats with no names and acting as if I couldn’t see every single person in the store eyeing my left finger for a wedding band (which it lacks), further solidifying the “yep, she’s a crazy lady” thoughts running through their heads I quietly paid, hoping to get out of the pharmacy with no more attention called to me and this fucking new cat.

High tailing my ass out of there, as I was about 12 feet from the front door the pharmacist hollered, “Hope New Cat feels better real soon!”

Turns out, the humiliation was worth it because New Cat was back to good health in no time flat.

Climbing on my back in no time flat and feeling frisky so humiliation worth it.

NC felt frisky almost immediately.

After Mr. Tuxedo’s health crisis of 2014 was behind us, I assumed no one but me would remember the happenings at the drug store.

A gal like me with a story about New Cat isn’t so memorable, right?

Wrong.

I went to pick up a personal prescription about a month after the fiasco and the nice lady ringing me up said, “Oh my, the pharmacist remembered you.”

Yep. Seriously.

Yep. Seriously.

 

Yelp. Yelp. Yelp. All for this semi-grateful acting cat. Crazier by the second.

All for this little bitch.

Not knowing whether to laugh or cry (I did both – cried from laughing too hard), I took on my new title of “Cat Woman” with pride – mostly because the word crazy was no where in sight.

Fast forward two months to last night, when I was again picking up a prescription for myself.Β  I chose the drive through because hot yoga was the activity of choice after work and I was pretty sure anyone within 8 feet would be able to smell my disgusting aroma.

After giving my name and getting ready to settle up, the female voice through the speaker said, “the pharmacist wants to know how New Cat is doing.”

Ha. Yeah. Bye.

Ha. Yeah. Bye.

A loud laugh later, I told her to convey that New Cat was fabulous and still in fact named New Cat thinking that would be the end of it.

Fabulous. New Cat is fabulous.

Fabulous. New Cat is fabulous.

Nope. I then heard her say, “The pharmacist wants to speak to you.”

Wanting to die in my sweaty state I pulled my sunglasses down in an attempt to ‘primp’ before my big phone date with Grandpa Pharmacist.

Pharmacist: “How’s the kitty cat doing? You still have him?”

CBXB: “I still have him and his name is still New Cat.”

Pharmacist: “Well, that’s better than Dead Cat.”

I have a comedian on my hands.Β  And he’s a fellow cat lover.

A crazy cat man.

Solidified Crazy.

Maybe this man is my match made in crazy cat lady heaven…

More absurd by the second in my feline loving world….

CBXB

Nashville’s Craziest Cat Lady

CBXB!

49 thoughts on “Famous Pussy Lover

  1. I’ve always been a fan of Catwoman. πŸ™‚

  2. Ah those little fur balls take over your life in a heart beat!

  3. Can’t. Breathe. Laughing. So. Hard. Dying. Stop.
    Is he single? Is there love in the afternoon happening at the local Walgreens?
    Seriously. Dying.
    Your facial expressions are beyond!!!!!!!!!

    • NO afternoon delight.

      Although, I haven’t found out if he’s single yet. I suppose I could use a sugar daddy. I mean, pharmacists do alright for themselves, don’t they? Bonus that he already is a cat man!!!

  4. Thanks for the laughs, you Crazy Cat Lady. πŸ™‚

  5. John says:

    You are such a nut you crazy kitty lover!!

  6. KittNoir says:

    Hehee brilliant post x

  7. Hahahaha, fucking great, now half the people think I’m crazy sitting here laughing to myself ! πŸ˜‰

  8. markbialczak says:

    Oh, there is such a crush on the cat lady going on over on the other side of that Walgreens counter, my friend!

  9. dannadesigns says:

    Super cute, everybody loves pussy’s….I mean kitty’s! πŸ˜‰

  10. JMC813 says:

    LOL. Too damn funny. Love the Nashville Pussy escapades. Never a dull moment with you CBXB. Cat woman extraordinaire. I am a bit allergic to cat’s (Please don’t disown me! LOL) but I am definitely not allergic to your continuing saga of feline adventures back there. Always find myself smiling after reading your posts.

    • Happy to make ya smile! You know, several boyfriends have been allergic to cats and magically recovered upon meeting Ted…just sayin’! And I’m so stealing your “Nashville Pussy escapades” for a title to an upcoming blog. Just too good to pass up! I promise to keep things hypoallergenic so you can keep enjoying my two little fur balls. XO!

  11. VivBlogs says:

    Celiac cat? That’s awesome. What a fucking cat.

  12. It would be funny if they started reciting lines from your blog! Then you know everyone is reading about how much you love pussy!

    Poor New Cat. I’m sure he hated that cone!

  13. The Guat says:

    Found you over at Baz – The Landy and thought I’d stop by your name intrigued me and your post cracked me up. I’m not a cat person, more of a canine lover, but I really enjoyed reading about your kitty adventures.

    • Thanks for stopping in – I love Baz and his blog! My cats keep me in tip top shape, as you can tell from my post. I love all animals but being that I’m in an apartment, cats seem easier to house (hoard). Appreciate you reading!

  14. SerachShiro says:

    Cats are insanely and despite what they say, they give in their own special way a lot back, you are lucky to have two such a wonderful miaows ! πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

  15. That’s proof that people always remember crazy.

    : D

  16. […] showering New Cat with the appropriate affection on the toilet, I rushed around as was hosting a vocal rehearsal for […]

  17. […] and New Cat were so concerned with my minor condition that they laid on the porch all day […]

  18. FreeUrCloset says:

    LMAOOO … lucky the pharmacist didn’t refer to NC as New Pussy over the loud speaker. Bet that would’ve made your day πŸ˜‰ XOXO

  19. […] If you’ve followed my shenanigans for long, you’re well aware that I am bat shit crazy about my cat Ted and slightly cray cray about the brother I forced upon him last year, New Cat (yep, that’s still his name). […]

  20. […] I have a knack for getting strange dudes to send me dick pics and I’m on the brink of being Nashville’s cray cray cat lady.Β  However, I recently uncovered a new ability of mine when I almost burned my entire apartment […]

  21. […] Upon our arrival home, Ted was a tad confused because our little tuxedo brothers heavily resemble New Cat. […]

  22. […] asked for the patient’s name and I replied with New Cat to a quizzical look. Which was then called over the loud speaker when the medicine was ready…so now I get notes on my personal prescriptions from my pharmacist (who is now a […]

  23. […] news is that my pharmacist still knows how bananas I am over my pussies since I get to renew pet prescriptions at […]

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