Jacksonville Tour Tomfoolery

A 12 hour tour bus trip for work to the Florida Country Superfest meant only one thing this past weekend….endless shenanigans for this Nashville chick.

Me and my one adoring fan.

Me and my one adoring fan.

After prepping my ride for the weekend with an overabundance of booze, low-class snacks and booze, we were ready to roll.

Weekend ride

My chariot.

Being that this bus was full of party animals, surprisingly there was only one rule to follow the entire trip…

The lone bus rule.

The lone bus rule located in the bathroom.

As we pulled out of Nashville, I assumed my assigned position of tending bar.

Happy Times

One Skinny Pirate and glass of vodka coming right up!

After an hour (or three) of cocktailing, hoisting my ample ass up to the top bunk was no easy feat.

Uh...

This is the face after a self-inflicted concussion.

No worries about the wound, as I did what you’re supposed to do after all head injuries. I slept it off.

After what felt like 32 minutes of sleep, we’d arrived in Jacksonville and I couldn’t get out of my own personal coffin fast enough.

Whoa Baby

Trying to bust a move off the bus gracefully.

I high-tailed it off of the bus and followed the signs to my fave place in any venue.

The stage.

Sprint.

Sprinting to the stage almost cost me two sprained ankles.

I've arrived.

Florida was underwhelmed with all of my non-showered, greasy glory.

Naturally it’s not easy taking selfies while staying out of the crew’s way, busting their asses in preparation for the evening show, so I didn’t stay around long enough for them to ask me to help with sound check.

Check 1. Check 2. Check yourself off of the stage.

Check 1. Check 2. Check yourself off of the stage.

Escorting myself out of the high traffic staging area, I decided to take my talents back stage and offer assistance near the tour trucks.

Just

Please. We all know I sat on my ass and watched others work as my nails are “jewels, not tools.”

In dire need of a shower, I settled for a semi-clean bathroom vanity to gussy my raggedy ass up.

Concert prep after being escorted off stage.

Touring at its finest.

It was then time to head for concert where I was treated to a warm up show by a lady who gave me a run for my trashtacular money.

Front row for this...

Who needs a pole when you have a chair?

Not wanting to be out classed by the chair dancer, I managed to spill an entire Skinny Pirate on my pal Rocky as I was prepping for a pic of us.

Hey oh! Managed to spill an entirely full Skinny Pirate on this guy and he still smiles.

Swimming in a Skinny Pirate and he still smiles. Sign of a good friend!

Speaking of friends, what about me getting to hang with my Florida bestie, who I had no clue would be in attendance at the festival?

My fab friend!

Surprise reunion!

Think she looks familiar?

Well, she does. Not only has she joined me in being a Holly Jolly Drunk girl this past Christmas, she also took part in one of my very best photo-bombing events.

Yep,  you've seen her before in my photo-boming mad skills

Which one of these is not like the other?

But I digress.

Of course Holly Jolly Drunk Girl and I consumed cocktails while catching up.

This is all we did...

She talked. I guzzled.

While us gals were gabbing, nature started to call upon my over flowing bladder, so I went to wait in a line that was roughly 5,312 ladies long. After 20 hellish minutes I realized that an emergency was about to take place, so I sought other means of relief.

Yep. I did.

Yep. I did.

I sprinted into the men’s room with my hands cupping my eyes while yelling, “I’m not looking! I can’t see you! I’m about to piss my pants!”

A very kind, extremely inebriated cowboy with his pants unbuttoned turned around from his urinal and tried to escort me toward the first open stall. While trying to avoid his germ filled grip, I slammed the door behind me and was greeted to this lovely sight.

Most disgusting

Only the classiest will do for this fancy chick.

While I’d never shared a toiled with a Gatorade bottle, a beer can and someone’s regurgitated lunch it was well worth the sacrifice because I would have missed Florida Georgia Line waiting to use the ladies room.

NOt Gonna miss htis.

I mean seriously. The sacrifices I make.

Singing along with the likes of Little Big Town, Eric Church and Jason Aldean for the rest of the evening didn’t suck either.

While bleary eyed and not at all bushy-tailed the next morning, I was greeted to a scantily clad Luke Bryan outside the bus window.

Luke!

Our fingers were crossed his ball would break a bus window.

Collecting myself for yet another jammed packed day, I met my buddy Aha! who is on tour with Easton Corbin.

Or my buddy!

Buddies so old we used to be in a band together.

While perusing the other buses backstage, my eye caught a very sore sight. It was a plane with an advertisement that was obviously never double checked, as it read:

“$250 for AIDS and hearing test”

Only at a country festival

Only at a country music festival…

Popping back up on stage, I earned a new side gig acting as a guitar tech for Easton Corbin. My big moment came when I ushered a guitar out on stage and whispered in a semi-shout, “Turn this thing on!”

Just helping guitar tech for Easton Corbin. My new side gig.

Aha! aiding me in my new career.

Being that I was embarking on a new profession called for a celebration with the crew.

Three cheers for the guitar

Four cheers for my abilities to guitar tech volunteer!

Many celebratory cocktails later, we were crooning along to our fave country tunes with our closest 75,000 friends.

Eric Church

Luke Bryan looking good in the fabulously lit hood.

When it was all said and done, we headed back to our home on wheels that looked like it’d been through a 21 day excursion, instead of our 48 hour trip.

Bar?

Anyone see the Captain?

Of course I was still enamoured with the mirrored ceiling that provided yours truly with endless entertainment.

Still

Mirror mirror on the ceiling, I still find this overly appealing.

Returning home, the only thing I could do Monday night was sift through the weekend aftermath in my purse.

Remnants...feels like my liver. Direct reflection of how my liver feels.

Remnants of a fun-filled two days.

In case you were wondering, this photo is a direct reflection of how my liver is still feeling.

Until the next tour…

CBXB

CBXB!

 

 

 

 

43 thoughts on “Jacksonville Tour Tomfoolery

  1. Girl, I don’t think I could keep up with you but it sounded like a blast, except for the toilet. Ick.

  2. Jolene says:

    I think I picked the wrong career path!!!

  3. Very rock n’ roll but not so keen on the Neanderthal conveniences but I’m sure they’re palatial in comparison to the ones at Glastonbury

  4. markbialczak says:

    I think you just set world records for a whole of things, CBXB. And while officially working, yet! Now that’s a pretty sweet weekend gig. I do wonder about the No No. 2 rule … that could cause gas tank problems.

  5. Strewth, you’ll need a week off on a ‘skinny pirate’ drip to recover πŸ˜‰

  6. That looks like a ton of fun!

  7. Shirtless Luke Bryan is quite possibly THE BEST alarm clock I have seen EVER!
    Wait – you were in a band? Not surprised just want the details please. Lots and lots and lots of them. πŸ™‚
    Hope your liver is at the point of forgiveness or forgetting!

    • Liver is still in constant bouts of agony. So I soothe it with wine. Less harsh than the Captain.
      Yes, I was in a band. For many, many years. I haven’t posted about it much yet. Although, I just joined another one as the lead singer of a cover band, so that will bring some fun stuff to the blog!
      And I wanted to ask Luke if he could come by the mini manse for the rest of the week at 7am for a wake up call but I didn’t ever get the chance….

  8. JMC813 says:

    Sheesh, If I had had a guitar tech like you I woulda never given up on my dream of being a famous Metal guitarist so many years ago (Hell, I mighta gotten a gig in the country world just to make sure….WHO SAID THAT?!?!) LOL. Altho the public restroom situation looks WAY to familiar, and helps me not miss those old days quite so much. Oh, BTW LMFAO at the Universal and nothing less than completely MANDATORY number 2 rule. Not on THIS fuckin bus you don’t!!!!
    Sounds like an awesome time was had. Just a suggestion, but I think your purse might need a bigger bottle of Aleve. Just sayin…..
    Be well CBXB.

    John

    • JOHN!
      You are so right about the bigger bottle of Aleve needed. Which means I need a bigger purse. Which means I need a new purse for road gigs. Like how I was able to get a new accessory out of your comment? Thanks!
      And I would be the best guitar tech on the planet if you didn’t mind your guitar coming out whenever the hell I felt like it in between sips of Skinny Pirates! So maybe it’s a good thing you didn’t wane from your metal music and forge into country for a no good tech who doesn’t pay attention! πŸ™‚
      Oh the bus rule is SO universal, isn’t it? But MUST be posted on any and every bus for drunks like us….I mean them.

      • JMC813 says:

        Actually it should be either on a plaque or just carved and printed into the door. “No number two. Those that disobey will fall victim to the trap door built into the floor of the bus…….. Make your choice wisely”
        LOL

      • HA! If I ever own a tour bus, I’ll be sure to have a door made engraved with the rule!

  9. Count my ass IN and Jolene too. We are upping our game. Never I say piss off a woman in 4-5 inch heels. Never. So that said…bring it on. Just whatever you do, bring the bus. And all the nastiness. I do not care. We will put out a game plan for jimmy Fallon. …..or……another hot sexy man. I’m SURE someone can fit ….😁
    I am SO feeling this girls trip. So FEELIN it…

    • I couldn’t agree with you more in regard to pissing a lady off in 4-5 inch heels. LOOK OUT!
      If I ever get the chance for a bus during a girl’s trip…it’s on! What a perfect setting for total debauchery!! (although it can be a tad gross at times).
      I’m in for the hot, sexy man OR Jimmy!

  10. […] where else could you read about a woman in a bikini or get a fill ofΒ skinny piratesΒ or hearΒ  some bent woman using a very naughty word hell I love it when she talks like that as she […]

  11. stylentonic says:

    Every time a new adventure! T H E rock girl! xxx

  12. curvyroads says:

    Ok, Hurry up so you can afford a PA! I’m IN! πŸ˜€

  13. Woman…you were in my neck of the woods and I’m just now hearing about it? How can this be?

  14. Mitzie Mee says:

    See that’s what mirrored ceilings are made for:)

  15. Looks like a really hectic trip, one way and another. That toilet is so gross. I don’t know what I would have done. 😯

  16. SerachShiro says:

    This was great and excited and I would love to do this job, even though I know that I’m not gonna make it all the 12 hours……….hahaha ! It’s very lovely to meet interesting people and come in many different places ( shut out the toilet) and I enjoyed a lot of your lovely Jacksonville Tour trip, you’re always so beautiful and fun like a smiling sun during your post, that I and most of your readers very much appreciate πŸ™‚ !!

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