A 12 hour tour bus trip for work to the Florida Country Superfest meant only one thing this past weekend….endless shenanigans for this Nashville chick.
After prepping my ride for the weekend with an overabundance of booze, low-class snacks and booze, we were ready to roll.
Being that this bus was full of party animals, surprisingly there was only one rule to follow the entire trip…
As we pulled out of Nashville, I assumed my assigned position of tending bar.
After an hour (or three) of cocktailing, hoisting my ample ass up to the top bunk was no easy feat.
No worries about the wound, as I did what you’re supposed to do after all head injuries. I slept it off.
After what felt like 32 minutes of sleep, we’d arrived in Jacksonville and I couldn’t get out of my own personal coffin fast enough.
I high-tailed it off of the bus and followed the signs to my fave place in any venue.
Naturally it’s not easy taking selfies while staying out of the crew’s way, busting their asses in preparation for the evening show, so I didn’t stay around long enough for them to ask me to help with sound check.
Escorting myself out of the high traffic staging area, I decided to take my talents back stage and offer assistance near the tour trucks.
In dire need of a shower, I settled for a semi-clean bathroom vanity to gussy my raggedy ass up.
It was then time to head for concert where I was treated to a warm up show by a lady who gave me a run for my trashtacular money.
Not wanting to be out classed by the chair dancer, I managed to spill an entire Skinny Pirate on my pal Rocky as I was prepping for a pic of us.
Speaking of friends, what about me getting to hang with my Florida bestie, who I had no clue would be in attendance at the festival?
Think she looks familiar?
But I digress.
Of course Holly Jolly Drunk Girl and I consumed cocktails while catching up.
While us gals were gabbing, nature started to call upon my over flowing bladder, so I went to wait in a line that was roughly 5,312 ladies long. After 20 hellish minutes I realized that an emergency was about to take place, so I sought other means of relief.
I sprinted into the men’s room with my hands cupping my eyes while yelling, “I’m not looking! I can’t see you! I’m about to piss my pants!”
A very kind, extremely inebriated cowboy with his pants unbuttoned turned around from his urinal and tried to escort me toward the first open stall. While trying to avoid his germ filled grip, I slammed the door behind me and was greeted to this lovely sight.
While I’d never shared a toiled with a Gatorade bottle, a beer can and someone’s regurgitated lunch it was well worth the sacrifice because I would have missed Florida Georgia Line waiting to use the ladies room.
Singing along with the likes of Little Big Town, Eric Church and Jason Aldean for the rest of the evening didn’t suck either.
While bleary eyed and not at all bushy-tailed the next morning, I was greeted to a scantily clad Luke Bryan outside the bus window.
Collecting myself for yet another jammed packed day, I met my buddy Aha! who is on tour with Easton Corbin.
While perusing the other buses backstage, my eye caught a very sore sight. It was a plane with an advertisement that was obviously never double checked, as it read:
“$250 for AIDS and hearing test”
Popping back up on stage, I earned a new side gig acting as a guitar tech for Easton Corbin. My big moment came when I ushered a guitar out on stage and whispered in a semi-shout, “Turn this thing on!”
Being that I was embarking on a new profession called for a celebration with the crew.
Many celebratory cocktails later, we were crooning along to our fave country tunes with our closest 75,000 friends.
When it was all said and done, we headed back to our home on wheels that looked like it’d been through a 21 day excursion, instead of our 48 hour trip.
Of course I was still enamoured with the mirrored ceiling that provided yours truly with endless entertainment.
Returning home, the only thing I could do Monday night was sift through the weekend aftermath in my purse.
In case you were wondering, this photo is a direct reflection of how my liver is still feeling.
Until the next tour…