How to Prep for a Parade

Prepping for a parade in small town America is serious business.

A wave fit for an unclassy queen.

A wave fit for an unclassy queen.

First things first, you must start the day off on the right foot in order to be thinking clearly when decorating your parade chariot.


Breakfast of parade day champions.

Once you’re finished guzzling down breakfast, it’s time to pimp the parade rides.


Our parade committee working on finishing touches.

Gussied up golf cart

Gussied up golf cart.

It is important that you get gaudy as humanly possible in your finest parade threads.

Get as gaudy as humanly possible in your finest parade threads.

A parade queen and princess adorned in the finest plastic necklaces you can find in America.

Be sure your parade float is tuned up and ready to roll (even though you won’t be driving and are too busy drinking Bloody Marys).

1952 Triumph TR3

A 1952 Triumph TR3 acting as my parade chariot.

Under the hood.

Looking good under the hood.

A hot rod of a classic car can never, ever be driven without the appropriate hand ornaments.

We should have thrown Grey Poupon from the car instaed of candy.

With a driver like this, we should have thrown Grey Poupon instead of candy at parade gawkers.

Once the preparations are complete, check to make sure everyone is looking their holiday best.

Pops, CBXB and MMM ready to roll.

CBXB, Miami Mini Me and Pops ready to cruise.

If you happen to have more than one vehicle in the parade, be sure to scream and shout whenever you see them pass by.

Our other chariot.

Our other chariot.

Avoid the temptation of throwing out all of your candy at once by taking endless selfies.

Selfie 1,487 during a 10 street block parade. I have mad skills.

Selfie 1,487 during a 10 block parade. I know, I know. I have mad skills.

But don’t get too absorbed in selfies and forget to enjoy feeling like small town royalty while waving your patriotic scepter at parade bystanders.

This is how we roll.

This is how we roll.

Once the eight minute parade is over, your arm will ache from waving profusely at people who are wondering who in the hell you are, your hand will throb from throwing 32 pieces of candy you meant to aim at toddlers but accidentally threw it straight into the arms of bratty teenagers and you’ll need to drink another one of these STAT.


Parades are exhausting.

And while it may take many cocktails to help unwind from the exciting festivities, you’ll find satisfaction knowing the parade could not have been the same without you and your crew.






28 thoughts on “How to Prep for a Parade

  1. markbialczak says:

    How royal you are, CBXB. I do believe you have the Rose Queen wave down.

  2. Love the pimped golf cart.

  3. you are adorable in the parade car!

  4. JMC813 says:

    Everybody loves a parade. Now I love a parade too. LOL. If you happen to get that music lyric reference out of context and with the word parade thrown in I will most assuredly bow down before the awesomeness that is CBXB the Patriotic Parade Queen!!! Oh BTW. Where’s my candy huh???? (Bratty not so teen ager anymore)

    • This Patriotic Parade Queen does not get the lyric reference and is feeling ULTRA blonde. Explain, pretty please?!

      Your candy is en route. I had to throw it REALLY hard to get it your way.

      • JMC813 says:

        The reference is from the George Thorogood song “House Rent Blues” and goes, “Everybody funny….Now you funny too.” LOL Don’t worry Blondie, I didn’t expect you to get it. I woulda dropped my jawbone if you did. It is a random reference at best and with the parade thing thrown in it was even more so.

        Thanks for tossing the candy my way. Is it hard candy? Cuz if so I may need to duck. LOL

      • Thanks for letting me of the lyric hook!

        I threw you a Snickers bar, a Baby Ruth and a can of beer. So please be sure you do duck!

  5. WOWZER! That is a lot of parade pride squeezed into one post! And those bloody mary’s are making me SOOOO thirsty!
    Admit it – yours and the golf cart won the best float awards right?!?

  6. CoCo says:

    It looks like you had a lovely weekend! πŸ™‚ Cheers from France!

  7. You and the little princess have unmistakeable pizzaz. πŸ™‚

  8. Very, very cool ride. A friend of the family just got a TR6. Beautiful vehicle. It needs some work, but that’s what he enjoys doing in his spare time. Hopefully, I’ll get to have a ride in it.

  9. vudragovich says:

    You need selfies of your Miami Mini CBCX at the beginning and end! I have taken lots of kids in parades and the difference of how they are waving at the to ends is hilarious!
    p.s. keep some candy to get your Miami Mini all hyped up before you give her back, that is what Uncle Dave does!

    • Uncle Dave is one smart cookie! If I ever find myself in a parade with Miami Mini Me again, I will most definitely take your advice and get a before and after shot. How could I have missed this opportunity? I think I’d had one too many pieces of candy before the parade….

  10. SerachShiro says:

    You make from a breakfast in the morning something specials……hahaha ! And I loved the Gaudy picture of you all, what a beautiful colourful parade !! πŸ™‚

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