The Wapatoolie

You know the old saying ,”the family that Wapatoolies together, stays together?”

Oh you’re not familiar? Allow me to explain…

Our first Wapatoolie.

My dad and me sharing our first Wapatoolie. How sweet.

Every summer, my family tends to meet up at the Lake of the Ozarks and act like misfits from the Griswold family.

Heathens at their finest.

Heathens at their finest.

It was at the Ozarks where yet another one of our classy family traditions (which also include Jell-O and moonshine shots) was born.  Allow me to introduce you to…

The Wapatoolie


Looking just as refreshing as lake water, I know.

According to family legend (which was told by my dad, who is known for streeeeeeeeetching out a story or two), the Wapatoolie was first introduced to him and his twin (yes, there is a replica of my father….a story for another day) while at a college party with the Wisconsin football team.

Blow Hard 1 and Blow Hard 2

Blow Hard 1 and Blow Hard 2 sharing the same farmer’s tan.

As the story goes, a party was unfolding where the two twins above were innocent bystanders.  With zero prodding, my dad boasted that he bravely took a shot of a Wapatoolie (ingredients consist of whatever the hell is in your bar at the time). Hand to Jesus, I swear I could see his chest puffing up with each oooh and ahhh he received from the Band of Griswold Misfits.

The story ended with a quote only a college football legend (again, a story for another day) could utter….”The Badgers started it but it took a Hawkeye to refine it.”

No shit.

Recipe for tastiness.

Definitely not from a college kid’s bar but a recipe for tastiness nonetheless.

Before the last syllable of the tall tale could be sputtered, us cousins were extremely busy at work mixing a Wapatoolie for the bullshitter storyteller.

Mix masters.

Mix Masters.

Down the hatch.

Tequila, bourbon, whiskey, white and spiced rum, margarita mix, vodka and gin topped with a dash of creamy Bailey’s…


Feels so good when it hits the lips.

The following evening, my cousins (all of whom are male on this side of the family, which probably just explained everything you needed to know) decided if their stud of an uncle could stomach a Wapatoolie, they could too.

The Village of Idiots and their leader.

The Village of Idiots and their leader.

The rest of us gleefully skipped to the bar to concoct the next round of poison potion.

Back to the mixing board.

Back to the mixing board.

Tough Guys...

Tough guys in the beginning…

Not so tough

….not so tough the first round…

or second round...first you don't succeed? Try, try again. Shoot, shoot again.

…or round two the following year…

And just like that, from one year to the next, the timeless, trashy tradition of the Wapatoolie was born.

Now, we extend the pleasure of this shot to anyone who dares to hang with our family…

Just get engaged to one of my male cousins?  A Wapatoolie for you!

First time to party with us at the Lake of the Ozarks?  A Wapatoolie for you!

Want to date my sister?  A Wapatoolie for you!

Think you can hang with us during football season?  A Wapatoolie for you!

Oh and for those of you who don’t drink liquor of any kind, we can mix a non-alcoholic version for you. Don’t worry.

Think you can hang with me and my dad?

So you wanna hang with us? You sure?

C'mon over to my bar and let me mix you a little something...

C’mon over to my bar and let me mix you a little something…


Your personal rite of passage into CBXB’s clan.

And if you’re too chicken shit, we understand and will be happy to cocktail with you anyway.

Until then...

Equal opportunity drinkers.

Just remember, the family that Wapatoolies together, stays together.




45 thoughts on “The Wapatoolie

  1. kellisamson says:

    I get one when we meet one day! And your cousins are cute!

  2. JMC813 says:

    Is it called a wapatoolie because it makes a similar sound on it’s return voyage? lol. I learned very early on (the hard way) NEVER to mix drinks. So what does that mean? It means don’t just stand there, pour me a wapatoolie!!!! Not really big on hard liquor anymore, but who am I to be a bad guest right? Just throw a blanket on me if you find me under a table somewhere. LOL.

    • I have plenty of blankets to go around my friend, so you’re safe with me! I will go easy on you and avoid putting in Bailey’s along with everything else. Does that sound any easier?!

      • JMC813 says:

        just a bit. lol. No Bailey’s and I am in!!!

        Hangin out in Tahoe BTW. Having a relaxing time with the fam. Much like you and yours at the wapatoolie get together. Be well my friend.

      • ENJOY the hell out of yourself! And please drink responsibly – which means vacation drink for me, too.

      • JMC813 says:

        Gotcha covered CBXB. Started last night as a matter of fact. .I will most certainly enjoy the HELL outta myself. So does New Band have a name yet? lol. Have a killer week my friend.

      • Expecting a name for a band I’ve been in for two months now is expecting a lot from me. So I’m in New Band and still have New Cat. If I ever had a kid, it would creatively be called New Kid. HAVE FUN!

  3. Hahaha, I love that dad of yours and would love to drink a Wapatoolie with you and him and the whole clan! Only if there’s no Miller Lite in it. That stuff is swill!!

  4. Nancy Brown says:

    Thank God I was born into this family!

  5. Phil Lanoue says:

    I think the only thing missing from this event are White Castle burgers and firearms.
    Wapatoolies, guns, and White Castle. Yup sounds about right, and count me in!

  6. Tracy says:

    Oh, I would have to try that! One time may be all it takes, but who knows until you try it!!!

  7. CoCo says:

    Love this! What an awesome tradition 🙂

  8. I’m starting to think you’re all a drinking problem with a family!

  9. markbialczak says:

    Now that is a tradition that makes your family stand alone, CBXB. My stomach is dancing at the pictures and the thought!

  10. If I evvvvvvver get healthy enough to travel anywhere outside my bedroom and bathroom, I want one of those. I’m sick anyway, who knows, it might make me feel better!

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