The Importance of an Aqua Bar

Oh how I love a cocktail cooler (with cup holders!) that floats. It especially comes in handy after eight a few too many incapacitates my swimming/floating/thinking capabilities.

Floating FAIL.

Floating FAIL demonstrated by yours truly.

As far back as I can remember, I’ve loved being on the water. I was born with boat driving skills (even if I only ever ‘guided’ a boat around a seven foot circle at amusement parks) and took practicing with extreme seriousness.


Future Captain – in more ways than one.

Still cruisin'

Still putting my Captain abilities to use today.

Proving to be a skillful guider of boats, I also learned how to kick the shit out of some water as a kid.

You'd think my kicking abilityes would spill over...

Mesmerized by my own abilities in the rainbow suit.

You’d think my retention of how to stay afloat wouldn’t be so difficult for a water lover. But it turns out that my love of Skinny Pirates has killed a few of my brain cells. As my fam tried to take a Christmas card picture while in the Lake of the Ozarks one year crowded around our aqua bar (we know, we know, we are beyond classy taking a photo of our lake shenanigans to share with every single loved one on the planet), I inadvertently tried to drown myself.


Merry Christmas.

Posing for more than two seconds turned out to be a feat I couldn’t master. While I suddenly thought it was a good idea to find the bottom of the murky water with my head, my sister decided to save my drink rather than me (she’s a hero in my book), my mom couldn’t stop belly laughing and my dad just acted down right confused while hoarding the floating device containing our ice and booze.


My overly concerned family tries desperately to rescue me.

Luckily for me I was able to save my own ass, got my act together and learned how to cling to the beloved aqua bar for dear life from that moment on when day drinking in the lake.

Hanging on with bar, noodle and aqua saddle.

Buoyant by way of inflatable bar, aqua noodle, saddle and my mother’s ample chest.

I’ve also learned that I can strategically wrap myself around a noddle while giving my fave bar some face time.

Lay 'n' go

Trying to exert the least amount of energy while soaking up the most amount of sun. *please note my sister’s ability to back float while keeping her beer safe*

Either way, I thank my lucky stars for this trashtacular invention.

Now go get your own aqua bar. It could save your life.



29 thoughts on “The Importance of an Aqua Bar

  1. Ah, nothing like a skinny pirate tale to start the day!

  2. Booze, boats, and a lot little butt shot of you! Winning!

  3. I don’t need any kind of bar. I’ve got a pool and an awesome hubby. I just call out his name and *ka-blam* drink in hand. πŸ™‚

  4. Well, I can see that you make a first rate captain, i’ll tell tugboat man!

  5. I’m proud of you for protecting your drinks so well. πŸ™‚

  6. markbialczak says:

    I am glad you have your priorities straight, CBXB, and you know how to use your noodle in the water, my friend!

  7. Email says:

    Love this!

    Sent from my iPad


  8. kellisamson says:

    Please say they used the picture with you going under as the card that year!!!

  9. The Wandering Poet says:

    I see a cute butt! Big Benny sure can shake it!

    Anyway, when I was a kid we’d go to Boise and raft the Boise river. And float the pepsi down in it’s own tube. I was to young for beer, n don’t really like it anyhow.

    It is a minor pain to have to paddle back upstream when thirsty and impatient for a pepsi though. And rough on the underarms when in an inner tube. They chafe!

  10. A great invention indeed. πŸ™‚

  11. SerachShiro says:

    Would love to have my own acquabar, and it’s so comfortable………….. great Ide, thanks ! πŸ™‚

  12. […] our families would spend Fourth of Julys at the Lake of the Ozarks. Which entailed not only in boating and booze but often tattoos and belly button piercings. Yes, yes, you read that right. I even think we made […]

  13. […] wapatoolies, to aqua bars, to tattoos, to boys against girls Trivial Pursuit games (pretty sure the chicks won more), I can […]

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