You know you’re a crazy cat lady when you can’t even take a piss without your fur ball in your face.
Dignity in shreds.
Whenever I come home, I’m greeted by the fluffy little love of my life, Ted and, ever since January the stray we took in, New Cat (Yep – that’s still his name. And yep – the pharmacist still asks about him when I pick up my own prescriptions).
Good, your home. Now choose.
While Tedstar is used to being my one and only, I tried to make my welcome home a threesome.
Three is definitely a crowd.
So now I’ve resorted to picking up one pussy at a time. Ted is coddled first while New Cat patiently meows as if his claws were being removed with tweezers, having to watch his bro getting some lovin’ before him.
Always first runner up.
Racing home one day, fearful I might wet my pants before entering my mini manse, I pranced past my pussies at the front door to alleviate my bladder. This was a jeans-zipper-down-from-the-car-carry-your-purse-into-the-bathroom kind of emergency.
And wouldn’t you know, New Cat seized this opportunity to be the first one to mark his territory while I sat on the toilet.
Finally! The first to get affection.
Mr. Tuxedo went from mauling my chest to manhandling my face.
Toilet kisses are just as romantic as they sound.
Then NC decided to try and slip me tongue. I’m his mother and although we live in the South, not appropriate.
This pussy apparently has an Oedipus Rex complex.
Madness. Sheer madness.
I shoved New Cat to the ground as I was trying to finish my business and but this little bitch wasn’t taking no for an answer and jumped up into my lap, quickly pretending to be asleep.
Fucking seriously.
In the 27 seconds in which this shit show took place, I realized the magnitude of crazy I’d just achieved.
I was sitting on a toilet.
With a cat molesting me.
While taking a piss.
And I was taking pictures.
Taking cray cray cat lady to new heights.
Realizing the seriousness of the situation Mr. Bear came to my rescue, shooing New New off of my lap and into a corner.
Get the hell out.
Not wanting the action to stop, New Cat zoned in on Ted to continue the affection fest.
Forced brotherly love.
It’s a good thing we live in the South.
CBXB
Teehee!
Ha, I just love you. Have a wonderful weekend.
Thanks my fabulous friend! Happy weekend to you! XO
Most of the time I stand up while I pee. Don’t ask why, but in those times when I sit on a toilet to pee – and other “situations” – I often have a cat jump on my lap. It’s good up here when it gets super cold in winter.
Ha! I might resort to peeing standing up. Not sure how I can master that but…I will be sure to post about it.
Is having your hand on your head your toilet position? Haha
Yes. It is my special position when I have a cat in my lap while trying to piss!
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OMG!!!!
I doubt you’re surprised!! 🙂
Two pees in a pot. Or something like that. Good golly, Ms. CBXB, ya got no privacy in your privvy. Thank you, Rescue Ted. New Cat unleashing love on him for that is equally hilarious, by the way.
New Cat is still on the affection train. He will. not. stop. I think it’s because he was left behind at a dumpster and wants us to know how much he loves being in a home. And we’re happy to have him!
I love him from afar, too, CBXB, because I do not have to suffer the bathroom lap moments. He is very cute, Mr. Tuxedo, as is Mr. Tedster, of course.
You know I have a soft spot for the rescue. The folks at the Humane Society found our beloved Ellie B sitting on the front step when they arrived at work one morning, a puppy left there overnight. At least her first owners were compassionate enough to pick the right place when they decided they couldn’t keep her. I love you for adopting New Cat from the dumpster, too.
I knew you’d rescued Ellie B but I never knew she was sitting on the steps of a rescue. Poor thing. But she’s so lucky to have scored a home with you and your dear wife. I have a soft spot for all rescues, as well. I truly believe your pets find you!
That is a great way to look at it, CBXB! You and Tuxedo New Cat found each other and your Walgreen’s pharmacist couldn’t be happier! 🙂 Seriously, you are right about pets funding you.
The Walgreens pharmacist is now trying to hook me up with his son….oh the wonders of pets finding us!
The matchmaking pharmacist. You need your own reality TV show, my friend.
Working on it! 🙂
You’ve reached a new low for sure, but I still think you’re tops.
Well as long as you’d still acknowledge me, we’re all good. Yeehaw!
Yes I’m laughing out loud and almost peeing MY pants. I LOVE THIS!!
I will share New Cat with you and your lap when you visit. XO
🙂
Lou is not much of a bathroom cat … luckily.
You are beyond lucky! I’ve mastered the art of quickly closing the bathroom door without taking New Cat’s paws off, so it was a quiet toilet weekend.
[…] https://cowboysandcrossbones.wordpress.com/2014/08/22/how-to-piss-with-your-pussy/ […]
Kitty double team. That’s my kind of action.
You know they are in kahootz together all of the time!
The thigh shot is ruined by the fact you are on the pot.
And I’ve seen most of your butt anyway now. 😉
LoL.
I can’t help how sexy I am. Even on the toilet.
I disagree! You can eat more!
It seems to be the cause of a very tough life though.
Hey as long as they don’t get too inspired and it becomes a pee party on your lap, it’s all cool!
Oh Jesus. I didn’t even think about NC getting all too comfortable to relieve himself….paws crossed that never happens!
Omg! This is beyond cat lady epic & had my mother and I dying laughing! Have a great week!
Thanks CoCo! I never cease to amaze even myself with the antics I endure for my cats!
You are just too awesome CBXB. Love the stories from the Cat Lovin south.
I can’t help but get caught up in the kitty cat madness….until I feel like I’m having an out-of-body experience and realize just how flipping crazy I truly am! Glad you enjoy.
That design picture of the cat coming behind the door, beautiful and what a real emotional little animal is NC (lol) ! For god sake Ted was saving you, great kitten and always so intelligent, give him my hug and natural also to NC 🙂 !
The kitties send purrs and kisses back to you! Ted was my knight in shining armor, that’s for sure!
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