Weekend Winks – Leaf Lurker

Hello Friday

Hello Friday.

You know those weeks that seem to feel like an entire year has gone by within the past seven days? Well, I had one and could hardly wait to high tail it to my fave Nashville watering hole, Dalts to get five a few Skinny Pirates on Friday.

This iswhy I love Dalts.

Filled to the brim…one of the many reasons to love Dalts.

Returning to my mini manse, I opened the mailbox to see a card from my gal pal that included a rebate for Captain Morgan. If you happened to witness my reaction when opening the card, you’d have thought I’d just won $10,000 in cold hard cash ($4 off liquor can sometimes feel like a jackpot, OK? Don’t judge).

And my girlfriends.

I wish my girlfriend knew me better.

My twin hellions in Iowa were busy terrorizing their neighborhood on Saturday morning.

Hell's Angels in Iowa.

Hell on wheels at its cutest.

Once the trike terrorizing was complete, Prince B stopped to give his best J. Crew imitation.

Mini model

Mini model.

And Princess B further demonstrated her future as a cray cray cat lady by selecting the most beautiful bike helmet of all time.

Since my Iowa Hawkeyes were on a bye week, the Tennessee Titans suck shit and it was 75 degrees outside, I had some time on my hands to run around the park.

Much needed fall run jog.

Leisurely jog with the leaves.

There I was minding my own business, jogging slower than most fast walkers and jamming out to my playlist when all of a sudden out of the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of a figure running full speed ahead at me, while screaming in Spanish (I unfortunately went with French class in high school).

In .02 seconds, my life flashed before my eyes (as I was sure this dude was going to usher me onto an episode of Forensic Files which then lead me to be thankful I keep my fingernails so long, as I could capture DNA evidence – just the kind of thing you’d think about before possibly perishing, right?) and before I knew it, my feet were over my head.

What the who?!

What the who?!

Processing the prior few moments (which is hard for me anyhow, being blonde and all) took longer than usual due to the stars spinning around my head. As I was turning around to punch the incomprehensible man still screaming at me in Spanish in the face, I was able to decipher the words “snake” and “rattle”.

What the fuck? Forensic files?

What the fuck?

Turns out my Knight in Spanish Speaking Shining Armour saved my ankle from being bitten by a rattlesnake that I was about to step on because it was lurking in the leaves on the asphalt trail. I went from wanting to accost him to wanting to marry him.

We're all good. Skinned knees are better than a rattlesnake bite, right?

Hold up. That was the shittiest proposal of all time.

With my heart securely sitting in my throat, I went home to take a long, hot shower and calm the fuck down. Due to the fact that I am totally blind without aid, I took a shower with a hairy little beast that I didn’t notice until I put my glasses on afterward.

Snakes and spiders Sunday.

Where’s my Spanish speaking man when I need him?

Feeling like Halloween was playing a gigantic prank on me with the reptile and arachnid run-ins, I repeatedly enjoyed glasses of vodka for the remainder of the day (the night and into the wee hours of the next morning, as I couldn’t go to bed thinking about snakes and spiders now could I?).

Skinny Skull

A Skinny Skull cocktail for scary Sundays.

My own personal heart attack prevention team made sure I was soothed the rest of the weekend much to my appreciation.

All fun and games 'til I costume them up.

All sweetness and sugar ’til I costume them up on Friday…

Here’s hoping you don’t have any heart stopping moments this Halloween week.






30 thoughts on “Weekend Winks – Leaf Lurker

  1. SerachShiro says:

    Ooh my ………….what a hell of a weekend ! The begin was great with opening in flourish with a Skinny Pirate but during your walk ………………….!!! I’m so relieved that the rattle couldn’t bit you and you was helped by ( I’m sure that it had to be) your guardian-angel !! I hope yo haven’t suffer any trauma with snakes and you feel Ok 🙂 !

  2. kellisamson says:

    Egads! That’s enough adrenaline for one weekend, fo’ sho’.

  3. JMC813 says:

    No good spiders…… and Good thing sir espanol was there to see to it that nobody got fanged or trampled. Well I guess the snake didn’t get trampled but you kinda did huh? At least you didn’t have to mix your vodka with rattlesnake anti-venom in your veins. LOL Have a great week and a Stellar Halloween.

    • The only slightly cool thing about almost being bitten by a rattler, is that it’s Halloween week and would have made for a cool story. Unless I died, of course. And then I’d have to worry that no one would find me for weeks and my cats would get hungry and…My imagination runs wild. Vodka is STILL helping with my nerves! 🙂

      • JMC813 says:

        Nothing even slightly cool about a rattler bite. Glad you came out unbitten. Don’t scare yourself with the wild imagination. Save the imagination for all the cool CBXB stuff you make us all laugh with. Now go rock the hell out of Halloween this week my friend!!!! That’s an order.

      • Oh sah-nap. I am on rocking the hell outta Halloween. Doing it like it’s my job, naturally.

  4. Tracy says:

    I HATE snakes and almost stepped on a Copperhead right outside my utility room door. I typically look down when walking around here cuz you never know what could be slithering around!

  5. Sorry, but I’m laughing. Seriously there could only be one thing worse than this experience and that would be running out of “Skinnies”.

  6. Kaufmans Kavalkade says:

    It’s clear to me you need the ghostbusters for that spider.

  7. I hear ya, I almost stepped on a rattler once and you brought that terror right back to me, now I need a drink lol. The spider in the shower? I’m blind too, but I ALWAYS check before I step in, THEN I take my glasses off. Good tip for you!

  8. WOWZER! You better have a little chat with the Buckeye leaders to limit future bye weekends – a girl could get hurt/poisoned/spider-mauled without her football to keep her safe, cocktailed and happy!
    Very glad all the creepy things missed!!!

  9. The Spider and snake will be a distant memory come Friday when you are covered in puncture wounds and scratches. Better stock up on Neosporin.

  10. bmagpub says:

    Eek indeed! I’m glad New Zealand doesn’t have any snakes!

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