So…it appears that naming my new twin fur babies after my favorite Griswold characters has come back to bite me in the ass.
Upon bringing the twins home to my mini manse, I escorted them into the wing they’d be spending much time in – the Pussy Wing.Β Within this section of my apartment, all things cat related happen in here. The litter box is behind the green couch, food stored behind the partition, window always available to perch, etc…
As you may well know (and he most definitely knows), the king of my castle is Mr. Ted E. Bear. Not only does this feline rule my roost non-stop, he has a version of kitty Celiac disease and needs prescription food to get by in life. Which costs a mere $65 per bag and can last one cat two months (which makes me thrilled out of my blonde mind that I now get to feed three mouths premium feline food).
Turns out that Clark and Cousin Eddie were beyond thrilled tasting this fine concoction of green peas and duck – so much so they were sucking it down their throats without even chewing.
It also turns out that the Griswolds have touchy digestive systems and this fancy food didn’t bode well with them.
As in, gave them diarrhea.
The squirts.
The runs.
Did you know that when cats have the shits, they don’t use their pan?
Me either.
Being that the shade of feces and my carpet matched perfectly, I was able to put my foot in a few piles before I realized what was happening (and I’m sure my neighbors thought I was being murdered due to my overreaction of being touched by liquid dookie).
Trying to remedy this situation before having to burn my mini manse down to get rid of the defecating smells, I put out puppy pads, thinking this would help my sanity.
Only when my little chug friend Precious saw the puppy pads, she thought she was being ‘good’ by using them.
So now everyone is shitting and pissing on the fucking puppy pads.
Thwarting further insult to injury, I tipped the green couch in the Pussy Wing up on end as Cousin Eddie is now sharting (a little piece of shit coming out with a fart) and there have been a few dribbles on the sofa.
I also lined the sides of the couch with foil because from what I have heard and read online, cats are terrified of the stuff.
I just had this feeling that no matter how hard I was trying, this shit show version of my life was going to last a bit longer…
And, as Ed molested my head (as he has done nightly since his arrival) last night, I kept thinking that he smelled insanely rank but let it go.
Until this morning.
When I woke up still smelling rank ass and found this on my chest from Eddie’s sleeping ass.
So I’m taking the little shits who can’t control their bowel movements to the vet tomorrow and hoping there’s a cure for all things digestive related in these little monsters.
If I’d have known that naming my cats after Griswolds would result in an actual remake of certain scenes from Christmas Vacation, I might have reconsidered.
But until tomorrow the shitter shall remain full.
CBXB
Oh my. The cats are too cute.
I couldn’t agree with you more…! π
Wow, these three are gonna vet-bill you out of the manse! Hope they get better.
You got that right my friend! Plus with Teddy being sick, I feel like he might end up being the 6 million dollar kitty!
Pets become like brothers or sisters, when they are ill, you are ill with them. I am sure you will pamper them. π
So much pampering that I may just go broke!
Laughed so hard I almost sharted AND peed on myself. I’m so sorry for all of that, glad I’m not there, and only you could keep your sense of humor in the face (haha) of a situation like that. Now I have to go and spray myself with some Chanel perfume cos I feel like I can smell that poop on your chest all the way across the country. ICK. xxx
I mean seriously! I could smell the poop on myself ALL DAY LONG at work even though I pretty much bleached my body!!! Spray some of that Chanel my direction would ya?!?
Done!
PS You’re in a real shit show lololololol ROFL
TRUTH!
OMG, this is funny, yet not funny! I think those of us who have had cats have experienced something similar at one point. God love us cat people!!
OMG what a pussy nightmare. When I saw the photograph of your chest I had to do a double take. I hope the cats’ bellies settle soon, the mini manse starts smelling fresh and you can get back to enjoying a weekend without worrying about where you step…
Thank you Gary – you just summed up all of my hopes and dreams for the near future! All fur babies are at the vet today getting evaluated…so paws crossed this weekend is normal and without anything unwanted on my chest!
I know the feeling!
Oh I know you do!
Hahaha! I shouldn’t laugh but I can empathize completely! We are servants to 5 cats & 2 dogs, and there isn’t a week that passes without some sort of freak show… But they’re totally worth it, right?!! Anyway, your writing and pics have me guffawing…you are talented in more ways than just interior designer of Pussy Wings, Megan!
I recommend probiotics, probiotics, probiotics!! They are a must for humans and critters alike and they can really balance out digestive systems (& help with immune and allergy responses!). Read more rave reviews at (just about anywhere) or The Scientific American article “Think Twice: How the Gut’s “Second Brain” Influences Mood & Well-being”. Oh, and for an all-natural in-this-case-poo cleanser which only uses essential oil (not those nasty “fragrances” that throw our hormones all outta whack)? Bio-Clean is a pretty awesome brand.
Looking forward to more of your blog!
Anne Grace! THANK YOU for the suggestions and advice! The babies are at the vet today being evaluated (and hopefully cured from all things diarrhea) but I am definitely looking into the probiotics and Bio-Clean. Happy I made you laugh – ’cause if you can’t laugh in situations like this, life would really suck! π
Love the 1st pic of Mr Ted there, on the tray so you can carry him over the fields of poo you have brought into his domain (shame on you mommy)
And so different seeing your hair down…
So stock up on kitten diapers and dont you start eating the pea duck food, LORD only knows what it will do to your belly π
Oh gawd. I’m staying AWAY from that damn pea and duck food. I’m sure you’re away that Mr. Ted often gets carried on a tray (naturally he demands it).
I truly feel your pain as do most pet owners. I hope the boys are on the mend before you lose much more of your sanity. Well, there’s always Skinny Pirates
Skinny Pirates are the reason I have not yet entered the nut house over this shitty debacle!
Hahahaha! I know I shouldn’t laugh at you, but I totally am! Keep up the great work as I’m sure it’ll all even out soon.
Laugh all you want! It’s the only thing I can do to keep from going bat shit crazy!
I cannot believe this! It just keeps getting worse! Make it stop! You deserve a vacation with a cat sitter left at home with these crazies!!
Girl. It’s finally under control but I feel like I earned a special kind of mom ‘badge’ even though I don’t have humans. This was beyond gross!
Hahahaha! What a shit show. You really are becoming the crazy cat lady!
It’s impossible for me to not be called crazy now! But the shitting is finally under control! Yeehaw!
OMG ……I wouldn’t be in your place, feet (better not with all that shit) but for all these awesome lovely fur-balls I wouldn’t hesitate π ! Hope they already feel better and make you much more happy unless dirt up with …… wishing you a beautiful evening and a lot of relax π !
The twins are better and shitting in the litter box! WOOOOOOHOOOO!
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