So…it appears that naming my new twin fur babies after my favorite Griswold characters has come back to bite me in the ass.
Upon bringing the twins home to my mini manse, I escorted them into the wing they’d be spending much time in – the Pussy Wing. Within this section of my apartment, all things cat related happen in here. The litter box is behind the green couch, food stored behind the partition, window always available to perch, etc…
As you may well know (and he most definitely knows), the king of my castle is Mr. Ted E. Bear. Not only does this feline rule my roost non-stop, he has a version of kitty Celiac disease and needs prescription food to get by in life. Which costs a mere $65 per bag and can last one cat two months (which makes me thrilled out of my blonde mind that I now get to feed three mouths premium feline food).
Turns out that Clark and Cousin Eddie were beyond thrilled tasting this fine concoction of green peas and duck – so much so they were sucking it down their throats without even chewing.
It also turns out that the Griswolds have touchy digestive systems and this fancy food didn’t bode well with them.
As in, gave them diarrhea.
The squirts.
The runs.
Did you know that when cats have the shits, they don’t use their pan?
Me either.
Being that the shade of feces and my carpet matched perfectly, I was able to put my foot in a few piles before I realized what was happening (and I’m sure my neighbors thought I was being murdered due to my overreaction of being touched by liquid dookie).
Trying to remedy this situation before having to burn my mini manse down to get rid of the defecating smells, I put out puppy pads, thinking this would help my sanity.
Only when my little chug friend Precious saw the puppy pads, she thought she was being ‘good’ by using them.
So now everyone is shitting and pissing on the fucking puppy pads.
Thwarting further insult to injury, I tipped the green couch in the Pussy Wing up on end as Cousin Eddie is now sharting (a little piece of shit coming out with a fart) and there have been a few dribbles on the sofa.
I also lined the sides of the couch with foil because from what I have heard and read online, cats are terrified of the stuff.
I just had this feeling that no matter how hard I was trying, this shit show version of my life was going to last a bit longer…
And, as Ed molested my head (as he has done nightly since his arrival) last night, I kept thinking that he smelled insanely rank but let it go.
Until this morning.
When I woke up still smelling rank ass and found this on my chest from Eddie’s sleeping ass.
So I’m taking the little shits who can’t control their bowel movements to the vet tomorrow and hoping there’s a cure for all things digestive related in these little monsters.
If I’d have known that naming my cats after Griswolds would result in an actual remake of certain scenes from Christmas Vacation, I might have reconsidered.
But until tomorrow the shitter shall remain full.
CBXB
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[…] over my niece and nephew who reside in Iowa. While I’m certifiably nuts over the twins, my pussies (especially Ted), the Iowa Hawkeyes and Skinny Pirates, my teeny kinfolk (a snazzy word I’ve […]
[…] snuggles found Clark and Cousin Eddie who are spending one more week with Dada CBXB while Teddy is almost back to his old […]
[…] The Griswold twins were plagued with uneasiness over Bear’s absence. […]
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OMG ……I wouldn’t be in your place, feet (better not with all that shit) but for all these awesome lovely fur-balls I wouldn’t hesitate 🙂 ! Hope they already feel better and make you much more happy unless dirt up with …… wishing you a beautiful evening and a lot of relax 🙂 !
The twins are better and shitting in the litter box! WOOOOOOHOOOO!
Hahahaha! What a shit show. You really are becoming the crazy cat lady!
It’s impossible for me to not be called crazy now! But the shitting is finally under control! Yeehaw!
I cannot believe this! It just keeps getting worse! Make it stop! You deserve a vacation with a cat sitter left at home with these crazies!!
Girl. It’s finally under control but I feel like I earned a special kind of mom ‘badge’ even though I don’t have humans. This was beyond gross!
Hahahaha! I know I shouldn’t laugh at you, but I totally am! Keep up the great work as I’m sure it’ll all even out soon.
Laugh all you want! It’s the only thing I can do to keep from going bat shit crazy!