The Snowpocalypse of 2016

Living in Nashville, winter has brought on a whole new experience when it comes to weather.

The city is currently completely shut down (the mayor has asked everyone stay off the roadways today) due to inches of ice on roads and temperatures below freezing, topped with new fallen snow.

Lacking appropriate snow accessories.

The snowcessories most Tennesseans use to clear their cars (maybe minus the Captain).

While this seems piddly compared to what other Americans are experiencing to our north, this slight winter weather halts an entire city, as there is a lack of equipment to care for the roads. Citizens can hardly handle driving in the rain, let alone freezing precipitation and quite frankly, current weather conditions happen about once every 15 years.

90 minute workout

It was a 90 minute workout and half a tank of gas to get my car de-iced.

Because I had to get through this first…

How badly do I really want wine today?

How badly do I really want wine today?

And while businesses, schools and folks everywhere are turning into Jack Nicholson from The Shining due to cabin fever, I’m not sorry the Snowpocalypse of 2016 is now occurring. Because snow days are fun. Snow days are for play.

Being raised in the Midwest, it was a very rare treat to get your ass out and actually play in the snow when you were supposed to be sitting in a social studies class.

I'm a lotta help. But I look cute.

Helping Dad shovel the sidewalk. The broom was a big help.

Growing up in rural Iowa, no one batted an eye when several inches (or feet) of snow, high winds and freezing temperatures were included in the forecast for the next day. No one rushed home early from work clogging up the streets, made a mad dash to the grocery stores buying all of the milk and bread in sight and no one abandoned their vehicles on the side of the road due to the frozen flakes falling from the sky (as people tend to do in my current state of Tennessee).

Anytime winter weather is in the forecast, the South freaks the fuck out.

No shit.

Bread and milk aisles in Nashville when snow is in the forecast.

Where I grew up, school was never, ever cancelled the night before predicted winter weather – which often included blizzards, sleet, hail, ice accompanied by subzero temperatures and wind chills (in Tennessee, entire counties and districts will call off school if any meteorologist utters the word “snow” during the weather segment).

Getting a snow day in Iowa was about as possible as Martians landing in the community park.

I DON'T WANT SNOWFLAKES IN MY EYES.

I wish I may, I wish I might, please let the snowfall cancel school for my delight.

So it was a rare treat when the phone (that was connected to the kitchen wall – oh the good ‘ol days) would ring in the wee hours of the morning announcing that school was cancelled (mostly because the buses couldn’t make the trip to get kids in the country).Β  Instead of sleeping one moment more, my sister and I got our asses out of bed like it was Christmas morning, adorned ourselves in all kinds of snow gear and headed out to play in the wonderland of white (usually with our cousins, who lived right across the street).

It takes this kind of snow to shut down schools in Iowa.

This kind of snow won’t merit a school snow day in Iowa.

After getting gussied up in our winter finest, first we’d sled in the road, which felt like we were breaking all kind of societal rules.

The dog.

How ’bout my mom’s shit kickers? So warm in subzero temperatures.

Next, my sister and I would build snowmen complete with cute, cozy accessories (mine came off of my body).

Sacrificing my warmth for a fashionable snow man...or maybe snow gal with the pink stocking hat.

Sacrificing my warmth for a fashionable snowman, naturally.

Then my cousins, the Morris boys, thought it would be a good idea to dig through the snow to Timbuktu.Β  I would rather have made snow angels and bedazzle my handmade frozen creatures but of course I agreed to help excavate (as I had a cute shovel I wanted to put to use – and by I, I mean my cousin Derek. Let’s remember my fingernails are jewels, not tools).

Can we live here?

Can we live here?

I thought it was nothing short of a winter miracle when my dad and Uncle Lewis came out to play with us, constructing a snow fort out of a drift in my backyard, complete with a tunnel – diverting the dig to faraway lands (thank GOD – I was getting tired of being the project manager).

All these years later, I long for a true snow day to build (well, rather sit on my ample derriere and watch my cousins, dad and uncle construct) a fort but instead, I’m longing for a winebulance to head down my snow covered roadway, rescuing me from my current situation.

Near tears stuck with mere ounces of wine left.

Near tears stuck with mere ounces of wine left.

Anyone want to road trip it to the liquor store with me?

C’mon!

CBXB

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11 thoughts on “The Snowpocalypse of 2016

  1. Tracy says:

    Oh, I remember those snow days when I lived in upper Michigan. Here, you get 1/2″ of snow and they call a snow day – I have to laugh, but people here barely know how to drive when there is no snow!

  2. You Southerners are funny. The whole state shuts down with an inch of snow. Just make sure you have a lot of booze and it’s all good. Stay inside and drink. I have my bourbon ready! Funny, I just wrote a similar blog post yesterday. Enjoy the rum!

  3. SerachShiro says:

    Stay warm in and make one of your delicious winter-drinks, (hoping that you already have been to the grocery stores)! And I’m a bit of jealous because here wasn’t falling any snow yet and I’m still waiting from November ……… If there will be to much please send me some snow flocks or heavy blizzards will also do fine ? πŸ™‚

  4. John says:

    Uhg, no thanks on that white stuff😱😳, partly sunny and 55 here todayβ€οΈπŸŒ΅πŸŒ΄πŸ‘πŸ»

  5. Lol, you left out the part about people in Nashville barely having sense to drive when the sun is shining. Dangerous bunch, regardless of weather. You need a helmet and jock strap to cross the street.

  6. JMC813 says:

    Okay CBXB. All we need to do is figure out a way to get your car to run on the Snuggler drink from your last post and you will never have to De-ice again. It will just keep itself nice and warm at all times. Stay warm my friend.

    PS…. If you figure out a way to make that work don’t forget who the idea man was!!!! LMAO

  7. Yes, I know, I have been a really bad girl for not dropping in.I LOVE your pix!
    We were very snowed in here in the middle of KY, but It sure melted fast. We were so spoiled by the great weather up until now, huh?

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