Weekend Winks – Emotional Banana Pants

Since my experience with bad shit that happens to good people, I have been a walking, talking shit show.

I’ve slept on my couch for the past four months, find it hard to be alone, don’t love my mini manse the way I used to, started a new job, adopted three cats, threw up in my car (soberly), shit in my car (while talking soberly to my drive thru pharmacist as if nothing was happening), developed adjustment issues, eat every single emotion that I experience, then don’t eat for three days in a row, was granted a girls trip of a lifetime to Mexico by two walking saints, have nerves that never go away, my feelings have been boiling for four months now and every.single.little.thing is a major issue, an ex-boyfriend and friend of over 11 years put me in my proverbial place, another man in my life has thrown major shade, the family dynamics I’m used to have shifted in ways that I can’t control, my bank account was hacked on Friday, meaning for three to five business days I’m broke and my usually positive self is more and more negative by the day and I want to fire me from myself.

All of that being said, I’m a swinging pendulum of highest highs and lowest lows. Listening to my therapist hero, Miss Sheila, I’m just trying to take one day at a time and find joy in the little things. Like, the Country Music Festival (that used to be called Fan Fair and really, still should be) that took place in Nashville over the weekend.

CMA Fest

Naturally, when work called for a White Trash Bash party in honor of the tens of thousands of tourists pouring their hard-earned money into my beloved Nashville, I was beyond happy to participate in something celebratory.

What's a CMA Fest without a redneck?

Tattoos not permanent.

And blow off some steam I did.

Seemed like such a brilliant idea at the time.

Seemed like such a brilliant idea at the time.

I enjoyed myself so much that I got on stage. In a very popular downtown honk tonk. In overall shorts. And sang. With braids in my hair. In overall shorts. And cowboy boots. And forgot the words to a song I’ve sung 1.578.987 times with my ’80s cover band. In overall shorts. And my new boss captured it all on film.

And yeah, this. Life.

Needing an S.O.S. from life. Immediately.

Thankfully I snagged a safe ride home but my grown ass needed a way to get to my vehicle the following day. What would we do without women who arrive in chariots with the best hangover food ever?

Breakfast of hungover champions.

My personal Uber, complete with snacks.

Once my body full of nerves returned back to the mini manse, I was once again in the throes of my emotions – and according to Miss Sheila – I loathe feeling feelings.

#sos

#iwokeuplikethis

Adulting has been so difficult lately that I’ve started to identify with a local Nashville Mexican joints social media postings….

Truth

Truth

But instead of being full of tacos I was left in bed with a bunch of fur balls.

This is how I want my life to be always.

Forensic Files Friday night.

Wallowing in self shame, embarrassment, pity I was invited last second to meet up with some old work colleagues (and friends) and decided it best for me to socialize.

Old friends. Good friends. Fun times.

Old friends. Good friends. Fun times.

I then decided to take up smoking – and surprisingly it took the edge off about 12 of my 3,794,579,000 nerves.

I asked for a puff and got the whole shebang.

I asked for a puff and got the whole shebang.

Other friends made me piss my pants by shopping the local racks of the store I hate more than anything in the world for tank tops to wear to Bonnaroo.

I hate Walmart but NEED that tank.

I loathe Walmart but NEED that tank.

Another reason to stay off the couch and keep moving was a pre-celebration opening at a buddy’s new bar. It’s dog friendly, so you know that Presh, Dada CBXB and yours truly were on hand to party.

Dada CBXB and Presh

Hot Saturday date night!

Bird Lady also made an appearance in my weekend, as did another inappropriate t-shirt that is now one of my faves.

Bird Lady and shirts with iniappropri mae me happy

Just wearing my emotions.

Much like my buddy at Dalts, who wouldn’t give me this t-shirt because his girlfriend gave it to him.

This is why I love Dalts.

Pure stud.

You show me your kitties, I show you mine.

mouths to feed.

Four feline mouths to feed keep me going.

Mini lions.

And my mini lion chug Precious, of course.

Naturally anything from my Iowa twins puts a grin on my gigantic mouth breather.

I mean, those faces!

I mean, those faces!

But most of all, I have to keep getting off of my leopard couch, braving emotions, feelings, checking account robbers and put one foot in front of the other for my favorite pussy, my best friend, my main squeeze, Mr. Ted E. Bear (who is costing almost as much as rent with his meds these days but you know (and he knows) he’s worth every goddamn cent).

Prince

Forever the king of my castle.

My new life mantra for my therapist prescribed “day-by-day” attack on life was passed onto me by one of my besties, Whitney Lover.

Mantra

I’ll drink to that…every damn day.

Motherfucking cheers.

Motherfucking cheers.

Thanks to you – readers, social media buddies, real life friends, co-workers, family, kind strangers – for sticking by your hot mess of a shit show. Here’s hoping you’re sucking a little less each and every day this week.

Love ya, mean it.

CBXB

CBXB!

 

30 thoughts on “Weekend Winks – Emotional Banana Pants

  1. KittNoir says:

    Sending hugs & hooch Honey 😘😘

  2. John says:

    Hug and a smoochie for you, M!!!! ❤️😍 Stay strong.

  3. Nancy says:

    You are so loved! Everyday does get better then a couple steps backward. The only thing you have control of is you! YOU are very important to me and many, many others. Hugs always

  4. I am so sorry that you are having such a dire time of it all and having been there myself the past few months, I can promise you that one day not far from now it will change in a heartbeat. Know this my friend that you are loved x

  5. Gary Lum says:

    My dear CBXB my thoughts are with you. I hope day by day life gets less sucky and more happy and hopeful. Hang in there *hugs* from across the big pond.

  6. Janie Bengard says:

    You are LOVED by many and we are here for you!!!!!

  7. JMC813 says:

    As someone who is pretty damn familiar with working through life “one day at a time” I can honestly say it as effective as it is claimed to be. My heart goes out to you for all the tragic BS you have had to not only endure, but try to overcome altogether. There is light at the end of the tunnel. And this time it is NOT a train, but the glowing white light provided by the love of your family and all the friends that truly matter. They/we all care for you tremendously and will help every step of the way. All others step the fuck aside and let us build momentum. My heartfelt wishes for a quick but thorough return to comfort and normalcy in your world. Cuz your world needs to get its glitter back!!!! Rock on CBXB!!!!

    Be well……Always.

    • YOU ARE THE SHIT! Thanks for the positive words – as always. And thanks for being such a great friend. It’s more moment to moment for me these days BUT I’m trying my best to not be a negative Nancy pants and just roll with it. Although, that’s the problem – I can’t just roll with it. Thank god for people like you. I appreciate ya! XOXOXO

      • JMC813 says:

        Sometimes there is no other choice but to break it down moment to moment. Just hang tough and never be too proud to find the right shoulders to lean on when hanging on isn’t enough. All my good vibes are finding their way there for ya friend!!!! XO

      • I will also play NKOTB’s “Hangin’ Tough” when I am leaving on shoulders since you said that phrase…reminded me of that song. Why? WHY?! 🙂
        Moment to moment it is for the time being – and, it’s not all that bad. At least I can’t get pissed for having nothing in the fridge for supper because I don’t think that far in advance anymore. XOXO

  8. Lol, oh boy, there’s a lot going on here girlfriend. First of all, I love your good timing spirit. Filled with tacos…that’s rich. You know where to find me, if you need somebody to bitch about life to for free. Hope things are well as often as they can be for you. You deserve a little good fortune, and here’s hoping it comes real soon to you.

  9. Marieke says:

    i love you!

  10. Courtney says:

    You’re just as fabulous as you’ve always been and nothing can take it away from you 🙂 Sending good vibes from Boston!

  11. SerachShiro says:

    🙂 Love you Mag and you know that we love you all, you’re the best !!

  12. […] know when you’re a mass of walking nerves, sometimes it’s good to lay low. Therapist Miss Sheila says I’m supposed to be doing […]

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