Pussy Pandemonium

Apparently being traumatized by another human being in a life altering event makes one feel the need to buy love. For me, acquiring affection isn’t in the form of old-fashioned hookers or new-fashioned Bumble (seriously, what is that?) but through the purchase of pussies. Three too many of them.

You see Mama CBXB thought it’d be a good idea to get my thoughts on something other than an ongoing police case, the fact I have no employment, the furball love of my life Ted developed a serious heart condition within two weeks and wanted to provide me some light life focus.

So she decided to buy me a kitten.

Princess Elsa Pants Crossbones

How can you say no to this face?         You don’t.

First, I was leery. I mean Teddy is used to being the main attraction of all things CBXB (even though he shared the spotlight with our dearly departed, highly annoying but oh-so-loved New Cat for a bit). With that in mind, it was still end of story when we entered Pet Smart on what just happened to be National Adoption Weekend.

How much is that pussy in the window?

How much is that pussy in the window?

I don't hate this idea.

It didn’t take long for me to warm up to the idea.

Upon putting my hand in a pile of young pussies, I pulled out a sweet faced baby who was already dubbed Elsa. Being that the Iowa twins favor that princess most, I fell in love and this kitten hit the jackpot. All I needed to do was check the fuck out with my newest family member.

No name change for the Princess.

No name change for the Princess.

But then I stood up and was met with piercing green eyes peering out of a cage, staring so hard through my soul I could almost feel the two holes burned into my forehead.

You know you want me too.

You know you want me too.

I just had to get into the cage to see what was going on with this emerald eyed monster who immediately head butted my face, accompanied by a swift lick when I tried to crawl into the metal house with her.

Hi there. Care if I join?

Hi there. Care if I join?

Turns out this black beauty had an extremely shy brother sleeping in the back of the cage who wasn’t adapting well to being in a rescue. These four-year-old siblings were surrendered by some asswipe who decided they couldn’t care for them anymore.

Who am I to break up a sibling bond?

Who am I to break up a sibling bond?

I then decided to check all three of them out at once, testing the waters.

Totally under control.

Totally under control.

My arms of steel were able to squeeze all of the felines tight enough to keep them in my crazy cat lady grip just long enough to not triple second guess my decision to take them all.

Mulling it over for .00000001 second.

Mulling it over for .00000001 second.

And just like that, the operator of Sweet Faces Cat & Kitten Rescue agreed to let me take the ‘triplets’ home to the mini manse, where Ted and Precious the chug unknowingly awaited the new arrivals.

Penny and her #1 customer.

Penny and her #1 customer.

 

MVP of the weekend.

MVP of the weekend.

 

What is about to happen?

What is about to happen?

In keeping with my love of all things Griswold family, I decided to name my newly obtained family members after Cousin Eddie’s kids.

Rocky - the strong, silent type.

Rocky – the strong, silent type.

Ruby Sue - possibly missing a brain cell or two.

Ruby Sue – possibly missing a brain cell or ten.

And as I said before, the baby remains Princess Elsa in honor of my Iowa twins.

P

They love animated Elsa. I love the fur ball version.

Princess Elsa Pants Crossbones

Princess Elsa Pants Crossbones.

The ride home from Pet Smart was eerily quiet with each cat in a newly purchased cardboard box (as I didn’t intend on coming home with any furry addition). Not a peep, meow, hiss, growl or howl was uttered.  And nothing was said as I introduced each new family member to Mr. Bear and Presh one by one. The transition from being a cray cray cat lady to borderline animal hoarder was smooth sailing for everyone.

Cautious cats.

Princess and King, cautious friends at first.

Warm

Warm and fuzzies after about four minutes.

Turns out, Tedstar likes being the big man in the mini manse – but refuses to acknowledge his contentment.

Butt buddies.

Butt buddies.

Nightly ritual.

Nightly ritual.

Brotherly love.

Brotherly love.

Mauling mania.

Mauling mania.

I know, I know, I’m thisclose to being a stereotypical cliché given the fact that I’m an unmarried, candle loving, drinks wine alone while watching sappy Lifetime movies and I live in a literal animal house. But guess what? I don’t give a fuck.

I inspired this action figure.

I inspired this action figure.

Nashvillians know me by name.

Famous among Nashvillians, obviously.

IMG_0776

Let’s be honest – no one snickers behind my back because I have the type of family and friends who will ridicule me to my face with the hopes that I do not in any way shape or form turn into this woman…

Please intervene if it my situation gets this dire.

Please intervene if my situation gets this dire.

But you know, while I feel good about saving three more sweet souls in the end, I wonder who is really saving whom?

Saved.

Can’t help but love the crazy, pussy pandemonium can you?

CBXB

CBXB!

 

 

Weekend Winks – The Catch Up

Never did I ever think I’d get the reaction I did upon sharing my experience of bad shit happening to a good person last week. Seldom am I left speechless but I can’t think of words powerful enough to convey my gratitude for the flood of support I’ve received in the last few days. The onslaught of kind thoughts, comments, messages and shared stories have been like a gigantic, constant hug of comfort from each and every one of you. I’ll never forget your kindness, you fabulous humans.

I hit the jackpot with peeps like you in my life.

I hit the jackpot with peeps like you in my life – and maybe also a Super Bowl bet.

But what in the fuck have I been doing the past four weeks (besides wallowing on the couch with Ted)?

Well, I’ve still been on the hunt for a full-time gig, since losing my job right before Christmas.

Current day job.

Best co-worker ever.

Some of us are working harder than others.

Some of us are working harder than others.

While I have been sitting on my ass eating my emotions (obvies prepping for bikini season), my favorite human duo experienced the beach for the first time.

Picture perfect Prince and Princess B.

Picture perfect Prince and Princess B.

Some fun in the sun and sand.

Two little rays of sun…one with a major ‘tude.

Even my dogphew Spike pretended he was in Florida livin’ the life.

Channeling Princess B.

Channeling his favorite little diva.

In recent weeks the main squeeze in my life, Mr. Ted E. Bear, has been back at the vet.  We’ve sadly discovered that he has a funky heart that could last days, weeks, months or years.

Sad heart.

Teddy’s least favorite counter on the planet.

While I have been freaked the fuck out (wondering when I am going to solidify my residency at the nut house), Bear is keeping cool and continuing to act like his old self doing nothing but stuffing his whisker pie hole with kitty caviar and snoozing his days away.

Gold medalist.

Not concerned in the slightest.

And……..to give Ted some more company (and maybe because I’m seriously just fucked in the head), hoping to give him more reasons to remain on this planet than just moi, this happened….

Crazy.

Bring on the crazy.

Yep. I’m cerifiably banana pants.

But we all already knew that, didn’t we?

CBXB

CBXB!

 

 

How the Griswolds Got My Pussy’s Purr Back

Two times the pussy fun.

Two times the pussy fun.

We’ve been in a mourning here at the CBXB mini manse since the sudden passing of our beloved, annoying New Cat.

Leaning on each other.

Lean on me.

In the immediate days after, the reality of Newie’s absence was tough on Ted and I had to search for him as he took to grieving in random places.

Hiding

One is the loneliest number.

My concern elevated when my normally purrful pussy made no sound at all.

Not when I picked him up.

Not when I scratched his chinny chin chin.

Not even when I rubbed his belly.

C.O.D.E. R.E.D.

So what did this smart feline mama do? Headed to a PetSmart cat fair naturally, where the fabulous Penny from Sweet Faces Cat & Kitten Rescue was doing her best to find forever homes for insanely cute fur balls.

CCL

Hi. I’d like some more crazy please.

Once there, my eyes landed on these two faces which I fell for in .00002 seconds when one of their little paws came out and touched my leg.

NC times two

Love at first meow.

In a great big fucking moment of weakness (you know, the kind of moment where you know can’t believe what you’re doing because you’re keenly aware that what you’re doing batshit crazy but you can’t help it because it’s a decision you know you’re making regardless of what your brain is telling you because you’re following that feeling in your heart?) I asked to hold them.

Heart. Stolen.

Heart. Stolen.

Then, I heard myself blurt “I’ll take them.”

TWO PLEASE

Yeah, that’s right.

So, I’d like to introduce you to our new family members Clark and Eddie, named after my two favorite Griswold characters from what I think is the best movie on the planet, Christmas Vacation.

The Griswolds round out my mini manse asylum.

Rounding out my mini manse asylum with new patients.

Upon our arrival home, Ted was a tad confused because our little tuxedo brothers heavily resemble New Cat.

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

THERE'S TWO??!

THERE’S TWO??!

Teddy headed to the bar for a stiff cattail where he processed having a mother who is nuttier than a fruitcake.

Escape to the bar.

Bar rescue.

Adding to the madness (and feeling like maniacal Dr. Dolittle), I also happened to be hanging with my favorite chug (pug + chug) Precious, who was also unsure of the turn of developments.

Matching duo.

Matching duo with matching concern for my mental well-being.

It was especially interesting rounding everyone up for our first night’s sleep together.

Mapping out the territory.

Mapping out the territory.

If looks could kill.

What have you done?

I'm seriously questioning that myself.

I’m seriously questioning that myself Presh.

But upon waking up with everyone in tact, I decided to make the announcement to a select few with overwhelmingly supportive responses such as…

IMG_6407

All in all though, I knew I’d made the right decision bringing home my own set of twins when I saw everyone buddying up the next afternoon.

Overnight success.

Overnight success.

Fast furriends.

Fast furriends.

While I am beyond happy with my adoption, I can’t avoid knowing that everyone thinks this will be me in the near future…

Well on my way.

Well on my way.

And I’m happy to report, Ted got his purr back.

Standby for the shenanigans.

CBXB

CBXB!

Weekend Winks – Crazier by the Cat

Hi. My name is CBXB and I for sure may or may not have a pussy problem. But before I divulge, let me tell you how it all started…

A fiesta at work opened the weekend to a vast array of shenanigans on Friday afternoon.

Senorita and Senor Happy.

Senorita and Senor Happy.

And the debauchery carried over to another amigo’s birthday party.

My nose.

Picking the perfect birthday present.

I found myself waking up to darkness Saturday morning because I thought it would be a good idea to sleep in my prescription sunglasses.

Dazed. Confused.

Dazed. Confused. Blonde.

But rising in my sunnies proved ideal, as I simply rolled out of bed and trotted to the annual Tomato Festival in East Nashville.

Who doesn't drink shots before noon on a Saturday? WHO?!

Who doesn’t drink shots before noon on a Saturday?
WHO?!

Speaking of shots (caffeine that is), Princess B has decided that she will work at a Starbucks drive thru for her first job.

Your blueberry scone and coffee.

Your blueberry scone and coffee are ready.

While Prince B will most likely seek joining a band of pirates for employment when he’s old enough.

Cowboy with a little crossbones.

Cowboy with a little crossbones.

But regardless, this weekend the twins were all smiles because this big guy was up in Iowa for a visit…

Cheesers.

Cheesers.

Back in Nashville, minus 4,027,971 brain cells from the weekend (and although still in deep mourning over the sudden loss of New Cat) this happened…

Um....

Um….hi.

I, uh....er....

I, uh….er….I’ll take them.

WHAT THE FUCK?

Three times the fucking charm?

Help. Me.

CBXB

CBXB!