How to Suck It Up When Your Team Sucks

Getting together with friends last night to watch the BCS Championship football game between Alabama and Notre Dame started out promising (I mean for all of 10 seconds the score was 0-0).  While not really invested in either team, I was rooting for the Irish of Notre Dame – not only because they were the under dogs and had an undefeated regular season but they wear gold helmets so shiny, and I really want one to polish.

But my team of the evening ended up sucking. Like super sucking.  So here’s how us Notre Dame cheerleaders carried on anyhow.

Once the opposing team is two scores up, start double fisting immediately.

Two cups were needed for misery's sake because misery does love company

Two cups were needed for misery’s sake because misery does love company.

To keep yourself from falling into the negative we’ll-never-comeback-from-this point deficit, visit the food table about every four minutes. I brought my blogfamous Pigskin Sushi (gluten-free, low carb and EASY) to the party.

Clear here for my Pigskin Sushi recipe

Clear here for my Pigskin Sushi recipe. You’ll be glad you did.

Be sure to load up on protein, too.  It will give you the energy you need to jump up and clap if your losing team EVER scores.

What would a football game be without ribs?

What would a football game be without ribs?

And stock up on any and every other tasty treats such as baked beans, little weenies and queso dip to aid in the sorrow you’re feeling.

click here for my weenie and queso

Click for the little weenie and queso dip recipe. If you can open a can and stir, you’ll be all set!

Be sure someone has special gloves to massage the BBQ sauce into the pork butt.  Our Notre Dame cheering host was a natural at this task.

Using 'butt' gloves(imagine all of the jokes) to massage BBQ sauce into the meat.

Using ‘butt’ gloves
(imagine all of the jokes) to massage BBQ sauce into the meat.

After stuffing your face because your team is down 28 points before halftime, drink a bottle of chocolate wine for dessert.

Chocolate wine for dessert.

Yes, it’s as good as it sounds but my wine connoisseur friends (like The Winegetter) may disagree.

You will need some hard-core soothing, so join your friends when they suggest a shot (or three).

A little salt makes

A little salt makes the tequila go down…for me.

The choice of liquor was my friend Lady’s idea yet look at her face in the picture below as she SIPS while I guzzle flawlessly (yes, my parents are beyond proud of me).

Pro vs. Amateur

Pro vs. Amateur

Be prepared to have your own halftime entertainment because your ears will be bleeding with all of the commentator analyzing (why don’t they just say “this team sucks” instead of pretending there’s a chance in hell for a second half comeback?).  We amused ourselves with acupuncture. My friend CoCo gets this done regularly and had a sterile needle in her purse (yes, us Irish were desperate for a distraction).

Acupuncture to the rescue!

Acupuncture to the rescue!


Such a tiny needle to relieve so much stress.

I felt nothing...teeny tiny needle or because of the teeny tiny tequila?

I felt nothing…due to the teeny tiny needle or because of the teeny tiny tequila ?

After halftime, get your phone out and start Googling players from the opposing team. I settled on Alabama QB, AJ McCarron (who looked like Snow White last night with rosy red lips – I seriously thought he had lipstick on.  They must have been chapped from kissing his smokin’ hot girlfriend).

Bored with the game, we googled the Alabama QB AJ McCarron.

Bored with the game, look how much fun Googling can be! AJ McCarron and his surprising chest of tatted armour.

Be prepared for your host to be a fair-weathered fan. After Notre Dame was taking a gigantic beating, our host came out in his Alabama finest.

Breaking it down in red. Traitor!

Breaking it down in red. Traitor!

You must make your host pay for his lack of commitment to one team. In this case, it was tequila.

Tequila for two

Punishment fits the crime, yes?

Be sure to pack tissues when half of the room starts looking like this…

Is that a real tear in a beer?

Is that a real tear in a beer?

And you must be willing to cheer them up with – what else? Tequila.

Tequila poured out of this Falcon Crest-like decaner made the tequila taste fancy.

Try to pour tequila out of a snazzy Falcon Crest-like decanter. It will make losers feel a little fancy.

Typically you should take a shot every time your team scores.  In our case, we ended up doing one big sympathy shot for a tremendous loss at the close of the game.

Just a shot full of tequila helps the loss go down a little easier.

Tears and tequila.

And this is how you get through the viewing party while the team you’re rooting for is handed their own ass.

Now where’s the Tylenol?