Oh how I love a cocktail cooler (with cup holders!) that floats. It especially comes in handy after
eight a few too many incapacitates my swimming/floating/thinking capabilities.
Floating FAIL demonstrated by yours truly.
As far back as I can remember, I’ve loved being on the water. I was born with boat driving skills (even if I only ever ‘guided’ a boat around a seven foot circle at amusement parks) and took practicing with extreme seriousness.
Still putting my Captain abilities to use today.
Proving to be a skillful guider of boats, I also learned how to kick the shit out of some water as a kid.
Mesmerized by my own abilities in the rainbow suit.
You’d think my retention of how to stay afloat wouldn’t be so difficult for a water lover. But it turns out that my love of Skinny Pirates has killed a few of my brain cells. As my fam tried to take a Christmas card picture while in the Lake of the Ozarks one year crowded around our aqua bar (we know, we know, we are beyond classy taking a photo of our lake shenanigans to share with every single loved one on the planet), I inadvertently tried to drown myself.
Posing for more than two seconds turned out to be a feat I couldn’t master. While I suddenly thought it was a good idea to find the bottom of the murky water with my head, my sister decided to save my drink rather than me (she’s a hero in my book), my mom couldn’t stop belly laughing and my dad just acted down right confused while hoarding the floating device containing our ice and booze.
My overly concerned family tries desperately to rescue me.
Luckily for me I was able to save my own ass, got my act together and learned how to cling to the beloved aqua bar for dear life from that moment on when day drinking in the lake.
Buoyant by way of inflatable bar, aqua noodle, saddle and my mother’s ample chest.
I’ve also learned that I can strategically wrap myself around a noddle while giving my fave bar some face time.
Trying to exert the least amount of energy while soaking up the most amount of sun. *please note my sister’s ability to back float while keeping her beer safe*
Either way, I thank my lucky stars for this trashtacular invention.
Now go get your own aqua bar. It could save your life.