Weekend Winks – Tight Ends and Taylor Swift

Oh Nashville.

You used to be my hidden gem of a city. I’d lure people to visit because if someone didn’t like country music, they weren’t interested in coming. Nashville was never just country music and cowboys but only true peeps who lived here knew that. Now, the secret’s out. It’s been out for quite some fucking time since the overly dramatic television show Nashville hit TV screens and the last few years, one hundred people have been moving here per day, taking up precious space on my interstates (yes, the interstates here are mine and mine only) and causing housing prices to sky rocket (seriously stop moving here or I’m going to be unable to afford to live in my Mini Manse that is a 42-year-old, popcorn ceilinged, ratchety carpeted, brass hardwared apartment that has gone up in rent almost $100 per year the last three years).

After this weekend, it’s suffice to say that Nashville is a legit city. Music City hosted the NFL Draft (downtown), the Country Music Marathon (downtown), Jimmy Buffett threw a parrot head party (downtown), and Taylor Swift decided to make a surprise appearance in the city with an impromptu meet and greet at the same time regular tourists and bachelor/bachelorette parties invaded the city while regular events went on per usual.

In 2017, Nashville’s population was 691,243.

This weekend, 600,000 more people invaded the city.

A projected 340,000 people for the weekend. That number nearly doubled for the three day shenanigans in Music City.

Most folks that live here took heed from the warning below…

The traffic lights literally spelled NFL. Photo credit: Pedro Esteban Tellez.

Just because my city was inundated with NFL fans didn’t mean I wasn’t in the mood for the draft. Two Iowa tight ends were projected to be selected Round One. So naturally, I gussied up at work in support.

Tight End University, Baby!

Lucky for me, First Mate is a sports head too and she hosted a draft partay at her castle.

Do gators eat hawks or do the birds peck gators to death?

Nothing says football party like a little two boxes of rosé.

True to the projections, my Iowa Hawkeyes tight ends, T.J. Hockenson and Noah Fant were selections eight and 20 overall in the first round. The University of Iowa is the first ever to have two tight ends drafted in the first round, which is why we’re now known as Tight End University.

I’m a size medium if anyone is at Raygun in the near future.

Detroit for Hockenson.
Broncos for Fant.

Might as well have been downtown.

Or maybe we were glad we were in air conditioning.

Either way, we had such a ball that we accidentally killed two boxes of rosé.

R.I.P. Bota Boxes.

Did I mention it was Thursday night? I woke up with such confusion at First Mate’s Friday morning (because I usually stay over on a weekend), I almost lollygagged too long to make it to work on time.

As if draft day one wasn’t enough, Taylor Swift decided to grace Nashville with her presence the day she dropped her first single off of the upcoming album. Hint after hint was dropped by Swift’s camp and Swifties from all over the planet somehow figured the fuck out where she was going to be at 11am on Friday morning.

If you want to stand where Taylor is standing, this mural is in the Gulch area of Nashville.

For those of  you Swifties out here, below is a video (it’s grainy but you’ll get the gist) captured by a dude who misses nothing in Nashville and is hip to every.single.thing happening in town. Taylor apparently stayed and signed autographs and graciously took selfies for hours.

One thing most Nashvillians can unite on is our disdain for the “woohoo” girls who come down for bachelorette parties. Now of course they pay good money and stay downtown but are, quite possibly, the most annoying of all tourists. So this was an especially funny site to see.

Speaking of bachelorette parties, check out the best sign from the marathon on Saturday.

A big congrats to the 30,000+ runners who completed the half and full marathon. I’ve done both and they are hard as fuuuuuuuuuuck.

Run for the tacos. @rosepepper

Even though neither First Mate nor myself did any kind of running, we still decided we needed tacos.

So we ran to eat Mexican.

While Nashville was abuzz with all kinds of shit happening, my Iowa twins were all primped up for a wedding. It’s too bad they don’t enjoy each other’s company.

Nothing but love.

J. Crew model in the making.

Hair model in the making.

I mean fucking COME ON.

When Sunday rolled around, I was ready for some mauling by The Pussy Posse.

Rocky and Fabio have snuggling down to a science.

The newest addition Scooch, is another story.

After watching everyone stand on their feet for three days downtown, my tootsies ached for them. Of course I remedied that the best way I know.

To all those that came in for a few days, thanks for coming!

But mostly, thanks for getting the fuck out of town.

Love ya, mean it!

CBXB!

 

 

 

Bibbysiter Avaleable

Know anyone searching for a childcare provider? I ran across this posting on Craigslist … this man may be for you.

Bibbysiter Avaeleable (cuntry area of Nashvul)

Lookin for a sumbuddy to kinda watch yur cids while you have a gud time? Plese considr me.

Look kids, no hands.

Look, no hands.

Need a gurl’s nite out?

Time to partay.

Kitty, Muffy and Ellie Mae on the prowl.

Or do you want to sneek to the lake and shotgun som buhr?

Who cares about the kids? They're in good overalls.

Who cares about the kids?

Faster!

They’re in good overalls.

Possubley a nite out on maine strete with yur boyfrund of the weke?

Flavor of Week

Fun with mason jars.

My name is Daryhul and I am very gud at watchin babees. I cud rock them on my bales of hae.

bibbysitter

Expert at rocking babies on straw.

I wud evun let ya bring yer cids to my hous.

Playground.

Every child’s dream playground.

I wul evun let them swam in the puhl.

Swimming

Baby pool.

Plese cal me or send me a leter. Im avaleable most daes and nites.

Daryhul

I wonder if this dude also pet sits? It really doesn’t matter, Ted would hate his overalls.

CBXB

CBXB!

Weekend Winks – Godmother Style

What happens when you are tapped to be a Godmother? You document every. single. second.

Cray cray photo lady

Cray cray photo lady…double fisting cameras.

While my folks and I were putting the pedal to the metal to get to Iowa as fast as our Nashville rears could go, my sweet niece and nephew, B & B were anxiously awaiting our arrival (well that and their bottles – but really us).

Patiently waiting....are they here yet??

Are they here yet??

While our 2am arrival had the twins fast asleep, my always trusty bed buddy was ready for some full on snuggle action.  I will say it was a cozy bed with my mother, myself and my dogphew Gunner.

Bed buddy

My tiny bed buddy.

Bushy tailed and anything from bright-eyed on Saturday am, I introduced B to what will most certainly be a life lasting love. Tiffany & Co.

It's never too early to start the love of the little blue box now, is it?

It’s never too early to start the love of the little blue box now, is it?

The jewelry excitement made little B hungry and gave her mom a chance to bomb one of the best of the photo bombers around (click here to read about my expertise). Moi.

The seasoned photo bomber that I am...got photo bombed

I got got!

Further solidifying a bond with my god-daughter, I introduced her to gaudy jewelry that she quickly became attached to – a gal after my own heart!

Diamonds are a girl's best friend

Diamonds are a girl’s best friend. An easy lesson!

To calm her down after taking the diamond ring chew toy away, we watched ourselves on reverse camera. Again – a girl after my own heart…

I heart me

We heart ourselves.

My nephew was rather busy acting like a Southern red neck in his camouflage pants accompanied by no shirt.

Southern style baby

Southern style baby.

Not wanting to be left out, Gunner tried his best to act like a lap dog.

Lap dog

Role playing a chihuahua. So tiny.

In celebration of all things Godly, we found a beer by Evil Twin brewing that I will now be serving at every party below the Mason Dixon Line due to its appropriate moniker…

Even More Jesus. 'Nuff said.

Even More Jesus. ‘Nuff said.

While others sipped on beer, I guzzled my bro-in-law’s cucumber martinis.

Cucumber martini...

Two cucumber slices honoring twins!

All of the ‘tinis made me sleepy and I was happy to snuggle with little B before putting her to bed.

Snuggle time!

Sleeping beauties. Well, at least one of us anyhow.

Sunday morning found my sister’s living room in need of a dust, so I kindly obliged.

Yes. I always wear a dress when I house clean.

Yes. I always wear a dress when I clean house. Don’t you?

Upon wearing holy water and a seersucker suit (it’s a sea sucker suit if you ask my sister), B decided it was rough being the center of attention during church.  Therefore, he found it necessary to pass out in the pew.

blah

No wonder the song’s called “Girls Just Want to Have Fun.”

But B was ready to par-tay after arriving home and greeting well-wishing guests.

How can you not smile when seeing this photo?

Giggly charmer.

With a nine-hour drive behind me, I arrived to my house with this greeting Monday evening…

Last ditch attempt with a strong paw

Where the hell have you been?!

I have a feeling I will be paying for my short Iowa trip for the rest of this week (as I kicked my Tuesday off at 4:47am due to my growling, howling bear).

Wish me luck – I’m going to need it.

CBXB

CBXB!