How to Trash Up the 90210 of Nashville

What’s in a zip code? Everything (especially for shallow folks like me).

Since moving to Nashville, I longed to claim residence on the posh West side.  After searching for a place to call home a few years ago on a very strict budget, I fell in love with a little duplex in the highly coveted area.  And the two top selling points – the fancy zip code and the fact that it was two miles away from my own personal Cheers (that delivers food to my front door, might I add) – a classy lady like yours truly has standards, you know.  So in a leap of faith and in hopes with my fingers, toes and legs crossed that I could always make rent, I went for it.

Now I currently live in the 90210 of Nashville. Oh, snap!

How does one live only a few miles away from this house and keep it classy?

Share the same zip...not the same lifestyle.

Share the same zip…not the same lifestyle.

Well, I don’t. There’s not much class (not surprised are you?) in my neck of the ‘hood (which is more Skid Row than Beverly Hills – but I STILL HAVE THAT DAMN ZIP CODE!) Especially with the help of my neighbor.

When you pull into my drive and park your vehicle, this is the view of my neighbor’s gorgeous shed that might literally blow down if someone came by and huffed and puffed.

The beautifully rusted shed, damaged in a flood three years ago.

The beautifully rusted shed, damaged in a flood three years ago.

My neighbor can also grow mushrooms (that stand out like eye sores next to our crew a few miles over with their pristine yards) in our lawn like he’s Papa Smurf.

I tried to spruce up our joint yard by adding an outside porch wing to my mini manse. Click here to read about the building ordeal.

Wing'd up in class

Kinda classy, right?

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90210 cocktails – in trashy attire.

And after all of my efforts, this happened….

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Gone with the wind, not so fabulous.

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A Nashville 90210 nightmare.

And then another storm blew through, further trashing up the joint…

Making it hard to stay classy

Mother nature could give an F what zip code this umbrella resides in.

And now, I’m adding to the lovely trashiness with my now ultra unfabulous umbrella.

Damaged Goods

Damaged goods.

I’ve even managed to grow mold with my green thumb on top of my snazzy shade protector.

Managed to grow mold with my green thumb

Green with envy, are you?

But nothing quite tops what I came home to yesterday (on my neighbor’s side of the yard, FYI). A couch. In case you get tired while you’re driving by and want to stop, lay down and take a nap.  Hell, I might even bring out a Skinny Pirate for you.

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Naps for sale.

Keepin’ it classy in the 90210 of Nashville ‘hood. Someone’s gotta do it.



Trashtacular Treasures

When living on a tight budget, it can be hard to spread the kind of gift lovin’ you wish…like on birthdays.

Often I get creative (in my mind) and hope my thoughtfulness doesn’t come across as a cheap, tacky “why in the F did you give this to me” gift.

I designed the cake below for a former boss and fabulous friend who always used to demand (I kid! I kid! But she doesn’t read this, so I can say what I want) Diet Cokes 14 times per day. Hence the choice of beverage here (of course, if I made one for myself, it would have bottles of wine on the bottom, Captain Morgan bottles in the middle, topped off with vodka – but we’re not talking about me, so I digress).


Perfect treat for a Diet Coke lover?

Here are the ‘ingredients’ for this cake…

1) Start with a 12 pack of the recipient’s favorite beverage (or beer/liquor if money is no object).

2) A fake silver platter (it really fancies up the look overall, yes?).

Can be found at a flea market or the Dollar Tree. Really fancies it up.

You can find this at a flea market or the Dollar Tree. And doubles as a pretty clear mirror.

3) Packing tape, duct tape and your choice of ribbon. (You could skip the duct tape but it really takes cake decorating to a whole new level).

here I go again with my duct tape...

To read about my obsession with duct tape, click here and here.

Start by arranging cans on the platter, secure with packing tape.


Continue tiering to desired height, making sure packing tape is all over the place (making it feel more like a gift, for sure).

Diet Coke

This cake was going to a gal who loves black and white, hence the zebra print duct tape icing.


The $6 trashtacular tiered treat.

This was a perfect way for me to bake. No dirty dishes. No recipe ingredients or steps I couldn’t decipher. And all done in about 20 minutes.

If cake baking isn’t for you, become a jewelry designer (and if you’re lucky, an overnight sensation).


One of a kind piece.

Go to your local hardware store and purchase a plant chain (for around $2) and two plastic numbers (intended for the side of a house).  Small string, fishing line or wire will work to attach the number to the chain.

This priceless piece will cost you about $8 to concoct.

And voila! You’ll have one bewildered, amused (?) and possibly annoyed recipient!


Wearin’ 50 well!

And that’s how you, too, can give a tad on the trashy side gift and still buy groceries for the week (or in my case Teddy’s prescription cat food).

Happy Birthday!



The Real Deal

Two of my favorite blogging buddies – the always curious Knowledge Knut and the logically funny Adrian Charles Horan – nominated me for The Reality Blogger Award.  Now some people pish posh these feel good warm fuzzies but not me, of course.  I accept all praise and pats on the back with open arms (if you already didn’t notice).  So thank you for thinking I’m a real deal…hell to tha yeah!

In order to properly ‘accept’ my award, I will answer the following questions that every blogger who achieves this accomplishment must do:

  1. If you could change one thing what would you change? Those who regularly read this blog won’t be surprised by the cray cray in my answer here (for those of you who are just stopping by for the first time today: Hello, I’m Captain and I have a problem. I let my world revolve around a pussy cat). The fact that I may outlast the little furball love of my life, Teddy B, is what I wish to change.  I am not asking to perish at an early age but I would like for him to live forever (but not a moment past me, as he would miss me too much if I was gone. Duh).

    Where the hell have you been?

    Don’t go dyin’ on me now!

  2. If you could repeat an age, what would it be? I wouldn’t repeat. Just keep on keepin’ on!

    Wondering how to pass time in the evening? Dress up like Linda Blair and show your muscles off to the camera. DUH!

    Why would I want to repeat this?

  3. What one thing really scares you? NOT DIVULGING. I know some of my readers are pranksters and would use it to their advantage!

  4. What is one dream you have not completed, and do you think you’ll be able to complete it? Well, I’ve run a marathon, which was more like a nightmare than a dream come true…I’ve wanted to sell out arena tours but managed to fill frat houses to the brink of fire code…so next on my list – I’d like to be the spokesperson for Captain Morgan, the Iowa State Fair and cats.  I’d also like to stop pinching pennies, own a forever home in my current neighborhood and go to Europe with an open ended budget where calories don’t count. Now that I’ve listed six, maybe one is attainable. (Probably the cat spokesperson).

    Star of the Southern frat houses (and not in the way you think. F you).

  5. If you could be someone else for one day, who would you be? My cat, obviously.  But a person….I would be Steven Tyler, Kid Rock or Mick Jagger.

    Best looking

    Kid, back in the Pamela Anderson days.

Here’s my list of Real Deals:

  1. Fresh ScratchMonday Meal Madness that will tempt your taste buds, along with posts about real life.
  2. Non Fashionista – my real life pen pal, all around fashion lover and she reviews all kinds of items, keeping you in the know.
  3. Sugar and Spice Baking – passions for baking, health and chocolate. What’s not to love? And scrumptious recipes!
  4. Dressed in MY Closet – she likes fuchsia, feathers, Chanel and sparkles. This is a no-brainer!
  5. Impress When You Dress – I love admiring her sketches (as she does in place of homework – she rocks!).

The rules to follow if you choose to accept:

  1. Acknowledge that blogger on your blog and link back to them
  2. Answer the 5 questions presented
  3. Nominate 5  bloggers for the award and notify them on their blogs.
  4. Copy and paste the award on your blog somewhere

The list of questions to answer are the same as above:

  1. If you could change one thing what would you change?

  2. If you could repeat an age, what would it be?

  3. What one thing really scares you?

  4. What is one dream you have not completed, and do you think you’ll be able to complete it?

  5. If you could be someone else for one day, who would it be?


I’m going to go and have a Skinny Pirate in celebration.

Cheers – For Reals!


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