Weekend Winks – Leaf Lurker

Hello Friday

Hello Friday.

You know those weeks that seem to feel like an entire year has gone by within the past seven days? Well, I had one and could hardly wait to high tail it to my fave Nashville watering hole, Dalts to get five a few Skinny Pirates on Friday.

This iswhy I love Dalts.

Filled to the brim…one of the many reasons to love Dalts.

Returning to my mini manse, I opened the mailbox to see a card from my gal pal that included a rebate for Captain Morgan. If you happened to witness my reaction when opening the card, you’d have thought I’d just won $10,000 in cold hard cash ($4 off liquor can sometimes feel like a jackpot, OK? Don’t judge).

And my girlfriends.

I wish my girlfriend knew me better.

My twin hellions in Iowa were busy terrorizing their neighborhood on Saturday morning.

Hell's Angels in Iowa.

Hell on wheels at its cutest.

Once the trike terrorizing was complete, Prince B stopped to give his best J. Crew imitation.

Mini model

Mini model.

And Princess B further demonstrated her future as a cray cray cat lady by selecting the most beautiful bike helmet of all time.

Since my Iowa Hawkeyes were on a bye week, the Tennessee Titans suck shit and it was 75 degrees outside, I had some time on my hands to run around the park.

Much needed fall run jog.

Leisurely jog with the leaves.

There I was minding my own business, jogging slower than most fast walkers and jamming out to my playlist when all of a sudden out of the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of a figure running full speed ahead at me, while screaming in Spanish (I unfortunately went with French class in high school).

In .02 seconds, my life flashed before my eyes (as I was sure this dude was going to usher me onto an episode of Forensic Files which then lead me to be thankful I keep my fingernails so long, as I could capture DNA evidence – just the kind of thing you’d think about before possibly perishing, right?) and before I knew it, my feet were over my head.

What the who?!

What the who?!

Processing the prior few moments (which is hard for me anyhow, being blonde and all) took longer than usual due to the stars spinning around my head. As I was turning around to punch the incomprehensible man still screaming at me in Spanish in the face, I was able to decipher the words “snake” and “rattle”.

What the fuck? Forensic files?

What the fuck?

Turns out my Knight in Spanish Speaking Shining Armour saved my ankle from being bitten by a rattlesnake that I was about to step on because it was lurking in the leaves on the asphalt trail. I went from wanting to accost him to wanting to marry him.

We're all good. Skinned knees are better than a rattlesnake bite, right?

Hold up. That was the shittiest proposal of all time.

With my heart securely sitting in my throat, I went home to take a long, hot shower and calm the fuck down. Due to the fact that I am totally blind without aid, I took a shower with a hairy little beast that I didn’t notice until I put my glasses on afterward.

Snakes and spiders Sunday.

Where’s my Spanish speaking man when I need him?

Feeling like Halloween was playing a gigantic prank on me with the reptile and arachnid run-ins, I repeatedly enjoyed glasses of vodka for the remainder of the day (the night and into the wee hours of the next morning, as I couldn’t go to bed thinking about snakes and spiders now could I?).

Skinny Skull

A Skinny Skull cocktail for scary Sundays.

My own personal heart attack prevention team made sure I was soothed the rest of the weekend much to my appreciation.

All fun and games 'til I costume them up.

All sweetness and sugar ’til I costume them up on Friday…

Here’s hoping you don’t have any heart stopping moments this Halloween week.

Eek!

CBXB

CBXB!

 

 

Who Drank All ‘O Me Cap’n?

You wanna know what’s more horrible than moving? Realizing there’s not one drop of Captain (my very favorite liquor) in your bar loot (naturally the first boxes I unloaded in my new mini manse) as you unpack.

Terror setting in.

Terror setting in. Where’s Captain Jack Sparrow (I’d settle for just Johnny Depp) when you need him?

I wanted to sip on a Skinny Pirate as I was organizing my precious possessions (wine, champagne, liquor, cordials, moonshine) but could not find one drop of Captain Morgan (I think I might have guzzled it all in a shocked state of having to move against my will with a few weeks notice) among the dozens (I know you thought I’d say hundreds) of bottles before me.

What the F?!

What the FUCK?! WHERE’S MY CAPTAIN?

By my reactive state, you would have thought I was told I had three minutes left to live (and to be truthful, that’s kinda how it felt. When you need your drink, you need your drink!). In full freak out mode, I left no bottle unturned. And because I’m such a fabulous treasure hunter (you should see me at TJ Maxx), I dug up an airplane bottle full of my favorite liquid.

May be on a few drops but a few drops desperately needed!

Saved myself from walking the plank.

It may have been only a few drops but a few drops desperately needed! And I learned an extremely important lesson…When times are tough, don’t act like a scallywag and only buy one bottle of your favorite spirit. Buy an entire case, arrrrr! And maybe get a parrot to sit on your shoulder.

Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum.

CBXB

CBXB!