Tennessee Truck Trash

The state of Tennessee (along with Kentucky, Alabama and Mississippi) is often referred to as “The Armpit of America,” and when I first relocated to the greenest state in the land of the free it took all of three seconds to understand the moniker.

It seems that white trash folks live above the Mason-Dixon Line, where as red necks (who are really proud to boast about being one) generally reside in the South. And to be a proper red neck, you need a truck because they come in handy for attaching larger than life tires, they are used for muddin’ (yes it’s a sport down here) and with a truck, you don’t care if your window falls out or if you need a ladder to climb into the cab.

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My buddy Chris (complete in camo) caught in mud after a day of turkey hunting. Looks devastated (more like delighted), huh?

This proud truck owner apparently needs a ladder to climb up to the driver’s seat with the oversized tires in which he opted to attach to his ride. It makes so much sense for driving around Nashville, right?

Up the ladder to the truck, where you can see heaven much better!

Up the ladder to the truck, where you can see heaven much better!

Due to the photo quality you can’t quite see the beauty in this truck’s license plate….

Sound it out...

PRKRIND. Sound it out…

On the same Nashville interstate, I found this clever driver who decided glass was too fancy for his rear window.  He opted for plastic and duct tape (my favorite), which really classes the vehicle up – don’t you agree?

Duct tape to the rescue!

Duct tape to the rescue!

This lovely SUV owner obviously takes Tennessee trash quite literally.

Taking pride in their SUV

Taking pride in garbage.

Trashed dash

Trashed dash.

Of course after seeing my fellow statesmen class up our city, I had to get in on the trashy Tennessee shenanigans.  Since my dream car is a Range Rover, I thought I’d just go ahead and own one – all it took was  a marker, packing tape and cardboard. A true dream come true – for free!

Dream come true...

Think my new vehicle can handle the car wash?

Just keepin’ it ultra classy with my fellow Tennesseeans (does this mean I’m now a red neck?!)…

CBXB

CBXB!

Pardon Me, Do You Have Any Grey Poupon?

Do you have any idea how tough it is to show up to work and be requested to ride in a Rolls Royce?

Do you?

Rough ride in the Rolls Royce...

My chariot of the morning.

And, I assume you also have no clue how to carry on the facade of wealth while inside the insanely pimp ride. You must dress the part, of course – complete with riding gloves and a sparkly skull pinkie ring.

I'm rich, Bitch.

I’m rich, Bitch.

Oh Daaahling, do you know how good your feet feel when placed upon furry, plush, cashmere floor mats?

Cashmere Dahling!

Not a feature in your Ford Focus?

Can you imagine how difficult it is steering a wheel that probably costs as much as your college education?

Wheelin' and dealin'

Could most likely steer a spaceship on the moon.

Do you have any idea how hard it is to read a proper clock in an automobile? Do you?

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Who needs digital?

Now you know the difficulties of traveling in a Rolls.  You’re welcome. (I really wished I had a bottle of Grey Poupon for shits and giggles).

Upon reaching our destination, I picked out my next car (which in this case may be when I’m 188 years old due to how much money I will have to squander away). Here it is my perfect choice…

two toned/spunky/less normal

Rolls Royce body, with a black and silver finish…

with ferrari wheels

with Ferrari wheels…

with the Bentley two toned interior...too much to ask?!

and the Bentley two toned interior…too much to ask?!

Not for this high maintenance, broke ass, dreaming she’s rich bitch.

How high maintenance can this rich bitch be?

Not smiling makes you look wealthier, right?

The drive home from work is going to be oh-so-ordinary tonight.

Probably nothing a bottle of Grey Poupon can’t fix…

CBXB

CBXB!