World’s Bitchiest Bunny

Here comes Teddy Cottontail
Bitchin’ down the bunny trail
Hippity hoppin’, Easter’s on its way!

Clawin’ every chance he gets
At his own motherโ€™s neck
Hereโ€™s hopinโ€™ that we brighten your Easter day!

T. Bunny

T. Bunny

Paws crossed the bunny finds you.

Happy Easter!

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My Pussy Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

My pussy cat Mr. Ted E. Bear loves to hate me.

All I do.

Truth.

For some odd reason, even though I shower the little love of my life with more affection than a newborn human, he can be so bitchy.ย  Many times when I’d like to scoop him up for a photo-op, he loves me not.

Kiss me fool

Bitch please.

Still not loving me.

Cheek bite

Getting cheeky.

Forced to love me.

Wranlge

Face of defeat.

Teddy gets extremely annoyed with football season, as every Saturday becomes a drunken moonshine guzzling family affair and he isn’t afraid to showcase his disdain.

Not football friendly. Tailgate fail.

No pussy love for tailgating.

But what I can’t understand is Ted’s pissy behavior when I force him into his Sunday best…

Can't

Loves me not.

Or dress him up in a bee costume…

Help

Desperately wanting to sting his mother.

Or make him be a version of Robin Thicke to my Miley.

Myself

Love me not.

Money shot!

For sure hates my guts.

What I do know is that regardless of whatever giddy up I shove Tedstar into, he always warms up (after some treats are dispersed – green peas are his fave), comes back around (once I have thoroughly massaged between his ears, under his chin with the grande finale of a belly rub) and gets in the saddle once again to be my constant sidekick.

Always got my back.

He’ll claw a bitch.

So no matter how much my pussy love to hate me, we always kiss and make up.

Kiss and make up.

Loves me?

Whether he likes it or not.

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The Shit Show of Miley and Robin

Infrequently, I have moments of sheer genius.

Like when I saw Miley Cyrus gyrating against Robin Thicke at this year’s MTV Video Awards, I immediately knew what my cat (yes I said my cat) Teddy Bear and I were going to be for Halloween. Yep, I’m a genius (I mean, this is what all folks with cats do, right? RIGHT?).

But executing a brilliant idea isn’t always seamless. Especially when it involves adorning a feline in wardrobe and accessories. Maybe I’m not so clever after all…but by God, we made one handsome celebrity shit show when it was all said and done.

Teddy Krueger at his finest.

Teddy Krueger at his finest.

Before getting Ted all gussied up as slick Robin Thicke, I let him sniff out the elements of his dress (and of course I left out the teeny, tiny detail that he would be putting these threads on in the next few moments).

Sniff

Something smells fishy.

After he thoroughly checked his garb, I whipped out what I thought would be a welcomed accessory.

Bright

WTF are those things?!

Mr. Bear morphed into Inspector Gadget as he took his sweet ass time getting acquainted with what would soon be perched on his furry face.

Inspection

Bonding with the shades – or so I thought.

It was then that I announced my grand scheme of transforming TB into Teddy Thicke.

*Record scratch*

You want me to what?

You want me to what?

If getting a cat to stay in a black and white striped suit (yep, I said suit) and staying still enough to pose with sunglasses on his nose, while trying to balance a foam finger and snap an in focus photo simultaneously were an Olympic event, I would have the gold, silver and bronze metals displayed in my mini-manse right now.

We started off with good vibes but Ted wasn’t feeling the coolness of the sunglasses (or the outfit…or the overall ridiculousness of his mother…or the fact that strips really aren’t flattering) upon the first click of the camera.

Take 345

Done with the fun after take one.

Figuring out that movin’ and shakin’ would knock the despised eyewear off his face, Tedstar got down to business.

346

Ted almost gave himself whiplash trying to discard the shades.

Being the professional photographer that I am, the photo shoot kept going strong even with the divatude seething from my model.

348

Can you see TB’s tolerance level diminishing by the moment? Or the smoke coming out of his ears?

And then all hell broke loose as the little shit tried to undress himself right before my picture snapping eyes.

349

F this noise.

Luckily I got him under control but not before I almost lost my retina and permanent taste in my tongue all with one swipe of an extremely large paw adorned with razor-sharp talons (note to self – trim the bear’s nails prior to future photo shoots).

Teddy Krueger at his finest.

Showing me who’s really boss.

And with that, we were both in a state of shock. My brain couldn’t comprehend my little feline suddenly turning into a beast (I mean it’s just an outfit…and his entire evening…and completely embarrassing) while Ted was in a state of disbelief and disappointment that he missed both my eye and tongue.

Uh...

Uh…

It was then I decided to defuse the situation and let Mr. Bear murder his overly loathed accessory.

die

SUCK IT sunglasses!

die

Die bitch, die!

But with all of his efforts, the sunglasses remained in mint condition.

die

How could this be?!

When TB lost interest in trying to dismember the shades, I broke the news that we’d be doing this all over again ’til we got our money shot.

WTF were you thinking? I KNOW.

SON OF A BITCH.

And money shot we got.

Image 28

I’m just sleeping with one eye open now.

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