Can you imagine turning the big nine-oh? I can’t either (really, I can’t imagine my liver lasting that long). But my family certainly turned up the class when we were celebrating behind the scenes at my Grandma’s 90th birthday shindig, starting off with her heart bursting in pride at my inability to wash off rub on tattoos I’d received at the Iowa State Fair the day prior.
Of course we threw Gma an appropriate celebration complete with cake, cookies, punch, old friends and best (depends on how you look at it) of all – family.
Whenever the seven of us are now in the same state, my immediate fam always feels the needs to take a photo just in case we use it at holiday time.
During the four-hour throw down, a few of us cousins snuck off to Aunt Crispy’s house for a quick cocktail.
The celebrating really started when we spiked the punch and got out the elaborate appetizers at the after party.
We took turns primping in the new hand mirror my sister gifted me…
I cheated on Captain for the first time ever (hurt so good) and used Lady Bligh for Skinny Pirates.
Friendly, loving sign language was exchanged as I “made” family members sign Gma’s guest book, accompanied by a favorite memory with her.
With the addition of B and B, we were sure to keep the after-party baby friendly.
As we turned their binkies into new wine glass decor.
We then felt the need to forgo glasses and just pass the bottle, in old-fashioned, celebratory, heathen-style family fun.
Once we threw the stemware out, we felt it appropriate to just use our hands to eat left over cake.
And what family birthday party is complete without someone taking their shirt off and using it as a turban?
Taking one’s shirt off also means you can just let it all hang out…all over the kitchen table.
You may think that all of this white trash birthday behavior would be enough to make one go mad…
But I was still concerned with not being the fairest in all of the land.
I’m sure you’re wondering if my clan is available to attend your next family gathering. The answer is yes. But we do require chips, dip and booze. Lots of booze. Oh, and a piece of your square footage to lay our weary party heads when it’s all over.