How to Turn Your Dad Into Pamela Anderson

This post is a ghost from a Halloween past…but couldn’t resist sharing this season.

A few Halloweens ago I was dying to dress up as Kid Rock and needed a trashy Pamela Anderson to hang all over me. And when my boyfriend at the time refused and because my dad is no stranger to the spotlight (and always my hero) he leaped at the chance.

But how in the hell do you transform a 6’4″ man into a petite (OK, not happening), blonde, big busted bombshell?

You start feet first.

Heavy duty gloves for a heavy-duty job.  My dad has a green toenail (because he’s too cheap to buy the prescription to remedy) that I lovingly refer to as Foot Fungus (hence the gloves).

Carefully apply polish to the gigantic toes.

I’m hoping the heavy-duty gloves ward off Foot Fungus from jumping on my body.

Which are then topped off with an orange bow (to make those feet look a teeny tiny bit more feminine).

The bow helps….kinda.

A base for the famous face must be applied as the transformation continues (the application of foundation “hurt his face,” according to the cross dresser).

Pre-Pam obviously isn’t in tune with the “must suffer to be beautiful” saying.

Stuffing Pamela into her costume proved the most difficult task of all.

Even the largest bra found at Walmart had to have velcro extenders added in order to get the damn thing to clasp.

But by God, she ended up looking like a fabulous Baywatch knock-off.

Prettiest Man Pam ever. Right?

Pam’s famous rack was made by stuffing as much quilt batting as possible into nylons. I dyed a men’s tank top red (because I could not find a women’s XXXL) and applied masking tape to create the Lifeguard logo.  I scored the checkered shorts in the very big ladies section at Walmart (go figure), topping the man Pam off with a blonde wig. And that’s how you transform your studly father into a sex pot.

Now all Pamela needed was her handsome rock star flavor at the time, Kid Rock.

This union will totally last. A year.

With the complete transformation in place, Pam was (happily, excitedly, thrilled to be) the center of attention.  She tended to overshadow even the most glamorous celebrities at the party.

Where’s Marilyn?

And everyone was completely obsessed with Pam’s chest.

Just to give you an idea…

Hugh Hefner couldn't even believe his eyes.

Hugh Hefner couldn’t even believe his eyes.

Cher wa

Cher was beyond excited to rest her weary head on Pam’s gigantic chest.

Even a dude who knew that this Pam was was a dude couldn't help but motorboat.

Even a dude who knew that this Pam was a dude couldn’t help but motorboat.

Even though this real life odd couple went on to hit the skids, Kid and Pam were able to let bygones be bygones this particular Halloween.

Is my dad fun or what?

And while this may not be the Pamela Anderson of everyone’s dreams, she’s awfully pretty to me.

Pamela Anderson, the waaaaay later years version.

But then again, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Who’s gotta fun dad to dress up this Halloween?

CBXB

CBXB!