Fa-La-La-La-Pussy Pageant

Is there anything better than a Christmas pageant?

Growing up, my sister and I were forced couldn’t wait to deck out in our finest holiday threads and put on the white trashiest show we could muster for our Gma and Gpa Morris.

Finest production in all of Southwestern Iowa. Paper beard and all.

Due to the fact that I’ve chosen not to create spawn from my own loins, I look to carry on this particular family tradition with main fur ball squeeze, Mr. Ted E. Bear. He’s grown into having a real knack for knowing when to hit notes on cue.

Known for fur balls, meows in the middle of the night and Christmas caroling.

The newest members of our brood, however, could give two shits about partaking in the singing festivities. Either that or Ted has forced suggested he remain the one and only star of the 2016 Pussy Pageant.

Choosing to nap over caroling. Ted’s got this covered.

As far as my little chug goes…

Precious is far too busy looking cute and snotting all over her bed to be bothered with singing.

Therefore, please enjoy “Deck the Tree,” sung to you by my favorite pussy in the entire world, Mr. Ted E. Bear.

Ahem.

Deck the tree if you can move me

Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.

‘Tis the Season to be curious

Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.

Move me and I’ll claw your eyes out

Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la!

Troll the same box I see every single year

Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.

See the blazing pink before me

Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.

Watch me almost catch on fire

Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.

Break for naps, merriment is exhausting

Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.

Soak in all the glittery glory

Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.

I’m the only star in this joint

Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.

I just found my newest chew toy

Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.

Eliminate all other feline competition

Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.

Remind your mom that you’re her one and only…

FA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA!

You’re welcome for your new favorite Christmas caroler.

CBXB

p.s. – only 13 more days to Fuck Yeah 2017!

 

Why is My Pussy Always Cheating On Me?

Have lap? Will sit.

When Ted and I hosted a ladies cocktail party recently, things began normally.  My Christmas bear started off sleeping under a table, acting as if he was bored out of his mind while the celebration shenanigans unfolded. So typical of a feline, yes?

Host with the most.

But as soon as the gals started posing for pics, Teddy came out of his party cave to get a little loving and attention (as he is used to being the only star of my show).

Then it slowly started before my eyes…

A scratch behind the ears from another…

Wrapped up in the arms of another…

Willingly mauled by another….

Snuggling up with another…

Lap threesome with others…

And when I was finally able to pry him out of another party goers grip, I expressed my dismay at all of his ladies man tactics.  In response, TB whipped his tail around and knocked over one of my favorite pics of us together….think that I’m getting what I deserve for stuffing my kit cat in all kinds of fun costumes?

Embarrassingly obvious grounds for cheating.

I think someone is still pissed from our Miley and Robin Thicke Halloween costume. What a little shit (I mean seriously, doesn’t he realize being my fur baby comes with costume obligations. Duh)!

After the party, I tried to smooth things over by coaxing Ted up into my bed for our typical sleeping ritual.

Don’t even think about picking me up.

I’ve been sleeping single in a double bed ever since the party was over, continually being educated by my feline as to why he had every reason to cheat.

I get it, I get it. But I’m still stuffing him into this year’s Christmas outfit.

Wonder how long I’ll have to pay for that….?

CBXB

My Pussy Can Sing Better Than Yours

It’s never too early for Christmas caroling, especially when sung by a cat.

Known for fur balls, meows in the middle of the night and Christmas caroling.

Please enjoy “Deck the Tree,” sung to you by my favorite pussy in the entire world, Mr. Ted E. Bear.

Ahem.

Deck the tree if you can move me

Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.

‘Tis the Season to be curious

Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.

Move me and I’ll claw your eyes out

Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la!

Troll the same box I see every single year

Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.

See the blazing pink before me

Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.

Watch me almost catch on fire

Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.

Break for naps, merriment is exhausting

Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.

Soak in all the glittery glory

Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.

I’m the only star in this joint.

Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.

I just found my newest chew toy

Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.

Eliminate all other feline competition

Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.

Remind your mom that you’re her one and only…

FA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA!

You’re welcome for your new favorite Christmas carol.

CBXB

The Caroling Cat

Deck the tree if you can move me

Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.

‘Tis the Season to be curious

Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.

Move! or I will claw your eyes out

Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.

Troll the same box I see every single year

Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.

See the blazing pink before me

Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.

Watch me almost catch on fire

Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.

Break for naps, merriment is exhausting

Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.

Soak in all the glittery glory

Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.

I’m the only star in this joint.

Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.

I just found my newest chew toy

Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.

Eliminate all other feline competition

Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.

Remind your mom that you’re her one and only

FA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA!

CBXB