Weekend Winks – A Wonder Dog and Dads

All is well and good until you kick your weekend off with a purple gin martini.

Then it’s fucking fabulous.

I only like gin when it’s purple.

A gaggle of friends were in Music City and we had so much fun, the time spent together warrants its own post. But what started out like this…

Was raging the following 24 hours like this…

No fun zone.

My Iowa twins were having their own fun on my old work stomping grounds at Adventureland, an amusement park near Des Moines.

You’re gonna have a fun filled day! (jingle)

I used to sing and dance on a stage that rose from the ground six times per day in the sweltering Iowa heat. It was so much more fun than waiting tables and it gave me the performance bug that eventually led me to Nashville.

I was not fortunate enough to be a plush dog. Once I was a fucking clown.

Princess B decided to get a few inches chopped off of her luscious locks and I don’t care that she’s my mini me, this chick can do no wrong when it comes to life her hair.

those. curls.

Saturday called for brunch and while I was busy guzzling bottomless mimosas at the bar, I saw a dog (it’s like my eyes are magnetically drawn to anything furry). The bartender took a beer, the dog retreived it from her hand and gingerly carried it to his owner at a nearby table.

I was so bummed I missed the video but naturally had to go and maul the dog, Dog for his fabulous efforts. Luckily for me, the owner was not a one and done kind of drinker, therefore, I had a chance to get this genius canine in his pet trick element.

*mind blown*

What else would one do on a low key Saturday night than watch your favorite Christmas movie for the 6,380,156 time? I couldn’t even wait until “Christmas in July”.

A fun old fashioned family Griswold Christmas.

Sunday greeted me with a fancy omelette courtesy of Van Waffles.

That drizzle is everything.

Father’s Day celebrations then commenced and I sent messages to my peeps. I have dudes in my life who are fathers to fish, four legged friends, and humans. First photo I received of the day was from my cousin and his one and some months year old daughter (why don’t people just say one? Why does it have to be 16, 18, 24 months? Just a side question for the humanless parents).

Juicy Lucy!

My mini party headed to the ever affordable Chili’s for their all day happy hour (2 for 1 house wines and beer, hello!) to celebrate dear old Dada CBXB.

Chips, salsa and snoozes.

My girl, Sleepy, went out the evening before and the salsa dipping proved to be too much, so she shut her eyes for a second.

Party animal.

While she was regaining her dipping strength, I gifted Dada CBXB with a small token of gratitude that he can share with me, naturally.

Bota Box Rosé. Bring that into the pool next weekend. Thanks.

I then turned my dad into Elton John by adorning him with my new sunglasses that are only missing lights.

Here’s hoping your week is just as extra as my dad’s sunglasses.

Cheers!

CBXB

CBXB!

 

Weekend Winks – Purrfect Dates and a Puppy

My beloved little fur ball Ted had his first date this past weekend.  You see, my pussy decided to take a self-appointed vacation a few weeks ago without letting me in on his plans and this little cutie below helped him find his way back to me.

Ted's first play date left him tuckered out.

No longer my little boy, on his first date and all.

While I was busy helping Mr. Bear get all gussied up for his rendezvous, my Iowa twins were going bananas over their own news.

Off the fucking rails.

Seriously off the fucking rails.

Because this was happening…

Welcome to the clan Spike!

Meet Spike.

Ever since my first dogphew Gunner suddenly passed away last November, the hustle bustle of the castle that houses my little prince and princess seemed too calm (right, sis?).

As you can imagine, the announcement of acquiring a new fur ball really wound the twins up – Princess B even dressed up in her finest prom gown (compliments of moi – surprised?) while awaiting Spike’s arrival.

I can't.

Who doesn’t wear sparkles on summer afternoons?

She hates him.

She hates him.

Prince B found the accessories that accompany a puppy way more intriguing than the dog himself.

Naturally they took right over and Spike learned his place immediately.

Exactly how toddlers would be housed at my mini manse.

This little ball of love has no clue what he’s in for – I especially can’t wait for Halloweennot that we ever over do it in my family or anything.

Puppy without a pen.

Welcome to the clan, buddy.

In other news, all is right in the world now that I have my Christmas Vacation 2015 ornament. How fitting is it that it’s called “Meowy Christmas”?

MINE! How fitting.

I mean, hello!

Ted shared my Christmas in July excitement when I presented him with our new Clark W. Griswold decoration.

Are you OK, comfy? Enough room?

Bitch please.

About that same time, the meme below was sent to me by a friend.

IMG_5593

Not like it’s going to be true or anything.

CBXB

CBXB!

Weekend Winks – Moonshine-a-Rita Style

My Nashville weekend was full of cats (naturally), a little singing, snacks and all kinds of cocktails.

Being that I was about to piss my pants upon entering my mini manse Friday after work, I was unable to stop and conduct my typical greeting to my adoring felines. Not having any of that, Mr. Needypants wouldn’t leave me alone for all of 32 seconds to go to the bathroom.

Can't even piss without a cat in my lap.

Crazy cat lady can’t even piss without a cat in lap.

After showering New Cat with the appropriate affection on the toilet, I rushed around as was hosting a vocal rehearsal for No Name Band and needed to pull the proper ingredients for a successful evening.

Friday night delight

Successful ingredient #1: A buffet of Captain for Skinny Pirates.

Snack attack.

Successful ingredient #2: A few ‘healthy’ snacks.

While all of the rehearsal shenanigans were taking place inside, these two couldn’t have cared less what was going on.

My less than impressed audience.

Curiosity definitely not killing these cats.

Earlier in the day, I received a brand new (to me) queen size bed (I’ve been sleeping double my entire adult life) for free and was beyond excited to give it the first test run.

Happy for all of three minutes.

Happy for all of three minutes.

Being that the bed is solid as a rock…I got about two hours of sleep.  But beggars can’t be choosy, right?

While visiting my folks this past weekend, I gave little Elvis a manicure, which he was none-too-thrilled about receiving.

Stop. Mani time.

Stop. Mani time.

It turns out that my niece, Princess B does a pretty good imitation of her feline uncle.

Takes after her feline uncle.

Cray cray cat lady in the making.

Although Father’s Day was a month ago and I am absolutely behind on gift giving (I just like to streeeeetch a holiday out, OK?) I lovingly wrapped up Dad’s gift in my fave hue.

Pink Present.

Pretty in pink.

Teeny tiny hose.

What gigantic man doesn’t need a teeny tiny pocket hose?

I couldn’t stop laughing my ass off at my nephew Prince B, who just learned the meaning of  ‘cheese’ before a photo.

CHEESE!

First time cheeser.

Saturday evening called for some low-key cocktails and company.

Saturday night's alrigh

Saturday night mini soiree.

Snack Queen

Of course the Snack Queen had to have munchies.

After a few libations, we got the Moonshine-a-Rita out for a taste testing.

Mooneshine-a-rita. Boob Juice.

Moonshine-a-rita is also known as Boob Juice (as will make clothes fall off if too much is consumed).

Naturally, I couldn’t just stop with one Boob Juice shot.

Shot # ?

Feels so good when it hits the lips.

And the over consumption of moonshine lead to (no, not clothes falling off – get your head out of the damn gutter!) photo bombing.

Photo bomb!

Sober or tipsy, I’ve got the skills for ruining a pic.

All of the party shenanigans made NC feel drunk by association.

Pussy passed out with PBR. So proud.

My pussy passed out with PBR. So proud.

Once we had a leaning chair calling for someone to sit in, we decided it was time to call the sober drivers.

Call cabs.

Ominous sign of a broken tailbone.

Detoxing by the pool was a fabulous way to spend Sunday.

Detox with sun

Sunglasses hide sins.

In between sips of a bloody mary and dips in the pool, I ran to my fave Hallmark store to purchase a must-have ornament.

Frosen. Christmas in July

Christmas in July with a Frozen theme.

I couldn’t wait to get my hands on this year’s Christmas Vacation ornament, which did not disappoint.

SQUIRREL!

I got the last one – fate!

After the holiday shopping spree and the pool, I was greeted back to the mini manse with two feuding felines on the porch.

Two feuding felines. Ted can't keep his big mouth shut. Wonder where he picked those skills up?

Ted can’t keep his big mouth shut…I’ve possibly been a bad influence.

Giving my precious pussies a lecture in love, I showed them the sibling fondness occurring in Iowa.

why can't they just get along like my B & B?

Why can’t my cats love like B & B?

Apparently the visual sunk in, as this is how we spent the rest of our Sunday.

Come to find out, they kissed and made up.

The kiss and make-up session.

Here’s hoping your week is off to a fabulous start!

Cheers!

CBXB!

A Griswold Family Mani

Does anyone not watch the classic movie National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation over the holiday season?

If you don’t, stop what you’re doing and go watch it. Now.

Because I’m trying to adorn my body like a Christmas tree this season, I festively painted my nails while watching my all-time favorite movie. Trio

After a base coast, I applied two coats of Lancome’s Code Red and let it dry a few minutes.

Using Sally Hansen Hard As Nails Xtreme Wear in White On, I painted on thick strip across the top of my nails.

Following a ten minute dry down (it’s imperative you let the white dry, or it will bleed into the next step – trust me. I’m speaking from impatient experience).

One thin swipe of Salon Perfect in Silver Plated completes the look between the red and white hues.

Finish with Seche Vite Dry Fast top coat and you are all set.

Happy manicuring and cheers to the Griswolds!

CBXB

Weekend Winks – Did I Do That?

A free weekend can be all kinds of fun, as long as you just roll with it. Which is exactly what I did…

Double trouble.

Double trouble.

Ted and I tried hanging a few things up around the new mini manse. He was more than eager to investigate and approve any and all decor I was preparing to display.

Ted the electrician

Taking an overview of the product.

Griswold Kitty

Taste testing the product (and trying to mimic the fried pussy cat on “Christmas Vacation”).

Tasty

Chandelier approved!

Although, this pretty piece didn’t get to hang on my ceiling after all because I couldn’t get the damn hook to stay in whatever cheap material the builders of my mini manse used 35 years ago (I had all kinds of nice words to say about it, too). So, Teddy’s delighted to gnaw on his now favorite chew toy that occupies a corner of my floor (which I have put tape around the cord – sticky side out – to remedy this new habit. And it is hysterical watching a cat react to being stuck to something for one second).

After all of the chandelier nonsense, I needed a cold, tasty cocktail and what better to do on a Saturday night than drink Skinny Pirates with pals?

Mermaids. They DO exist!

Mermaids. They DO exist!

My friends had an overflow of liquor that they wanted to share, so of course they called a cocktail expert in to help.

The photobomber gets bombed.

My expertise of photo bombing has become somewhat of an epidemic, as it now happens to me regularly.

As the evening wore on, I collected new buddies to adorn my cocktail glasses. What goes together better than a donkey, giraffe, deer and a mermaid?

New buddies

Party animals.

While I was busy playing with pieces of plastic, one of my hosts tried to tell me that I did this single-handedly…

Did I Do That?

Did I do that?

Now, I will cop to putting a dent in the Captain Morgan but I’m pretty sure I’d still be having my stomach pumped if I double downed.

Upon my return home, I was greeted by an extremely pissed off pussy.

The look of losing beauty sleep.

The look of losing beauty sleep.

I tried to coax Mr. Bear back into a good mood by making one of his favorite dishes…

Steak style

Peas. (You thought I was going to say steak, didn’t you?)

Which won him over with the ease.

Won him over with the greens.

I know how to get this little monster.

And we were back to being snuggle buddies in no time flat.

Hand pillow.

Just what a hangover ordered.

Thanks to the veggie, all is well at the CBXB household. Phew.

Cheers!

CBXB

CBXB!

How to Relocate Your Pussy

Oh the woes of moving can seem like pure punishment.  But moving with a cat (especially my spoiled rotten fur ball) can seem like cruel and unusual torture. When I first told Ted of our forced impending move a few weeks back, he reacted about as well as I did.

WTF were you thinking? I KNOW.

WTF? We’re moving?! You’re gonna pay.

I tried to coax and coddle as boxes were packed and piles were stacked to keep the cat from going whack. But unfortunately none of my tactics seemed to work…

evil eyes

Evil eyes from an empty drawer.

blah

Sad face from an empty box.

Forget me not!

Scowling scoundrel.

Tissue blanket

Unsuccessfully trying to pack himself beneath a blanket of tissue.

Drama King laying by his fried buddy from the movie Christmas Vacation.

Drama King laying by his fried buddy from the movie Christmas Vacation.

Room for me?

Demanding a spot anywhere he could find.

Mission accomplished!

Mission accomplished.

My Bear turned into a lion before a cat nap.

Acting ferocious before one last cat nap on his favorite blanket.

I hate you.

And reminding me with one look how much he enjoyed his blanket being moved before him.

All of Ted’s shenanigans were making me want to pull my own nails out one by one so I decided to entice him the best way I knew how. Booze.

Cattail time.

Cattail time.

I wanna!

Wine. Always works like a charm.

After calming The Bear down, I bundled him up and took him for a quick look at his new mini-manse.

Sitting pretty in his new palace.

King of his new cat-stle.

Fun in empty cabinets...

Fun in empty cabinets…

Now how do I get down...

Wondering whether to make the oh-so-gigantic leap.

After marking his territory by rubbing his face on every nook and cranny, he seemed to be more at ease.  Even so, he was all nostalgic upon our last trip down the old driveway.

Teddy wanted to go on a drive Saturday afternoon...

Last goodbyes to the birds, squirrels and chipmunks.

Ted all snuggled up in the front seat, on the way to Grandma's house he goes!

Theatrics at their finest.

Because relocating a pussy is nerve-wracking for all parties involved, I wanted to make TB’s first evening at his new palace as comfy as possible. Which is why I tried coaxing him into a happy place with sushi.

blah

My tactics are slowly melting this icy feline.

And while we’re not snuggling in our new place like the good old days yet….

blah blah blah

Pre-moving bliss.

Ted’s having no trouble relaxing on his BFF blankie, making himself right at home.

blah

This is the life.

While meowing the cry of his people every morning at 3am wondering where the F he is will hopefully diminish soon, I’m pulling out the big wooing dog tonight…tuna.

Kryptonite

Kryptonite for kitties.

This will surely end the relocating-a-pussy-anguish, right?

Wish me luck.

CBXB

CBXB!

Trashy Traditions

During the last decade, the younger generation of my brood has introduced a new tradition to our family – Jell-O shots (I mean, duh. What Christmas gathering is complete without this delicacy?). And my family (being the classy clan that we are) welcomed the gelatin filled vodka with open arms.

There may actually be a cat hair in your Jello with the aid of Ted.

Who put the cat hair in my Jell-O?

It all started with our love of National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation – and how we watched the movie together every season. I was across between the young Ruby Sue (as my dad was deemed our family’s Eddie – yes, my sister and I are proud) and Aunt Bethany (as she was the crazy cat lady, wrapping up her cat for a Christmas gift and serving a Jell-O mold made with cat food). Therefore one family Christmas, I brought Jell-O shots decorated with cat food (really Cracklin’ Oat Bran but at first glance, looks like the real deal) and our new family legacy was born.

This cheap, easy tradition requires the following:

1 box of Jell-O

Nut cups

Vodka (flavored if you wish)

1 can whipped cream for topping

Follow the instructions on the back of the Jell-O box. Insert vodka anytime the recipe calls for water (if you’re worried too much liquor may create awkward family moments, use half vodka, half water). Refrigerate. Serve!

Making my family proud with our new tradition

Making my family proud.

Introducing new traditions isn’t always easy and ours required my very apprehensive Gma’s approval.

blah

A little Jell-O never hurt…

Some gals prefer to be ladylike (like my Gma) and use a toothpick to aid in consumption.

Stirred, not shaken

Stirred, not shaken

And the rest is history.

Go Granny Go!

Family tested, Gma approved.

Now the tradition is so engrained, Teddy even takes part.

Teddy is even paws on when it comes to making Jello.

Paws on when it comes to making Jell-O.

Why don’t you do as the classy do and introduce the Jell-O shot tradition to your family this year?
It will make for some interesting memories….
CBXB