Pigskin Sushi

Trashy tailgating treat at its finest.

Trashy tailgating treat at its finest.

There’s nothing my family does better than snack and celebrate, so with the college football season kick-off this weekend, we already have our game faces on with what appetizers to draft for our game day spread. And there’s no fumbling when it comes to making one of our finest treats, Pigskin Sushi.

Cheers to football season finally being here!

A big moonshine cheers to football season finally being here!

This non-threatening Midwestern version of sushi is a crowd pleasing hit at any tailgate whether you’re cheering for your fave college team….

On Iowa!

Yes, the Big Ten is a conference in college football.

…or you’re trying to impress fellow NFL fans.

Titan Up!

And yes, the Tennessee Titans still have fans even after dismal seasons.

This is my trashy version of sushi that requires three ingredients, five minutes of prep and dirties no dishes (perfect for kitchen lovers like me).



Baby dill pickles, one block of cream cheese and thick-sliced, cooked ham. Total cost – $7.00.

Remove one piece of the cooked ham and place on a paper towel.

Spread room temperature cream cheese over the ham.


Place dill pickle at one end of the ham and roll up.


Slice the pickle-in-a-blanket to your desired size.

Trashy tailgating treat at its finest.

And voila! White trash sushi.

This low carb, gluten-free delicatessen will stand out among the typical tailgating treats.

hit it

A bright beacon of shining food among traditional football snacks.

And not only is Pigskin Sushi cheap and easy (no I’m not referring to myself), it washes down with any cocktail you choose on game day.

Skinny Pirates for the Hawkeye.

Skinny Pirates for this Hawkeye.

In my book, that’s a touchdown!



Weekend Winks – Laborious Loungin’

A long Nashville weekend with no definite plans AND college football season kicking off? Hello Heaven.

Herky Rules, you drool.

Herky rules, you drool.

Oh yes, that’s right. Herky the Hawk is my boy toy of the football season.  I cheer on the Iowa Hawkeyes (unfortunately for me, I’m sure you’re thinking) which is going to be pretty brutal this season after viewing Saturday’s game. But I had to proudly wear my college colors on Friday, as it was “Celebrate College Colors Day,” and I pretty much look for any reason to jump on a celebration band wagon.

Catch up

Friday fun night.

A gang of happy hour folks welcomed the long weekend with open arms (and Fireball, Skinny Pirates, beer, vodka and gin) as we waved goodbye to summer. I kept having to tell inquiring bar minds reading my shirt that yes, the Iowa Hawkeyes are a college football team (there really are other conferences outside of the SEC) and yes, my boyfriend is a bird. Jesus. What is it with people?!

Ted was SO over me not coming straight home from work and fawning all over him that he pretended to be going to bed as I arrived home around 7pm.

You don't see me...

I’m just going to turn in five hours early, since I now hate you for hanging out with your friends for a whole two hours.

I coaxed the Bear out of his bed and let him watch me try on outfits for game day – and he could barely glance my way without the look of pure, utter annoyance all over his furry face (that or he thought my skirt was hideous).

Game day

Would you acknowledge me in public?

The start of football season also means tailgating food. Holla! To say my mom’s taco dip was devoured on Saturday would be an understatement.

Taco dip

Tasty tailgating treat time!

We kept up with our tradition of doing a shot every time our team scored…



…which we kinda worried about when our Hawks hit 24 points.



But then we quit scoring after the third quarter and we were stone cold sober by the time we lost in the last ten seconds of the game. Boo. Hiss.

You wanna know who else was being a hissy face? His Royal Highness Teddy Bear was beyond irritated that I was going out on Sunday evening, as he sat perched on my hamper (yes, it’s pink AND sparkly) while watching me get all gussied up for the honky tonks.


Seriously?! You’re going out for the third day in a row?

What’s a holiday weekend without a PBR and Miller High Life at Robert’s Western World?

Honky Tonk Time!

Honky Tonk Time!

You’d think that going to the bar with your folks would be the best man repellent ever. But somehow, I still managed to get a marriage proposal and had the inability to shake a “will not get the hint” dude who kept wanting to dance. I should have just had my not-so-tiny 6’4″ dad stand up to shoo them away.


Do you have their blessing, Mr. Marriage Proposal?

Next time, I’m bringing Mr. Bear to fend off sweaty cowboys.

Saved you a seat...

I saved you a seat…why were you a no-show?

Arriving home, the feline in my life was once again pretending to be in bed.

Can't get situated...

I swear I’ve been here all night.

I coaxed the little monster out of his ‘slumber’ for some late night snacking and catching up on Dexter (Holy shit – so good. I can’t believe there are only three more episodes!).

Snack attack

Snack attack.

I enjoyed an entire pool (I have no clue why my neighbors don’t want to roast in the sun – it’s like they care about their skin or something) to myself on Labor Day (while trying to capture the photo, I almost dropped my phone in the water. The things I do for a post! I mean, how could you ever have imagined an empty pool without a photo with half of my face in it?) before the rain came to ruin my lazy, lounging fun.

Pool time

Pool photo fail.

And as I left for work today, someone had not moved a muscle through the alarm, shower, hair dryer, TV and breakfast shenanigans.

Tired Ted

Too much together time makes for one tired Ted.

It’s like he wanted me to leave already. What an ass.



How to be a Trashy Tailgater

It’s always a little sad to see college football season slowly winding down after the great anticipation I have for it every August.

I’ve chronicled many of my mini-tailgates I host in Nashville every Saturday – 1,000 miles away from my beloved Iowa Hawkeyes (who are horrible this year, although I still love them – especially Coach Kirk Ferentz) and Kinnick stadium.  So you can imagine my delight when I was able to attend a game this season, complete with the true tailgating experience.

Here’s how you can be a trashy, while classy (?) tailgater…

Miles of walking to a tailgate (which is why I must have been 10 lbs lighter in college) can make coolers icing your tasty beverages beyond heavy.  Do as my friend Eric did and pack your sturdy GAP bag with beer!

Talk about traveling light – your shoulder won’t hurt from lugging around, you can throw it away and no one will guess what’s inside. Genius.

Of course I had to get in on all of the cooler action by posing with it, as I was in such awe.

I will be stealing this idea and substituting beer cans for Captain bottles at future tailgates.

Upon reaching your destination, it’s important to set up shop.

See that sweet bus and tent in the back? Yeah, that’s not ours…check out the blue cooler and umbrellas in front. That’s how we roll. Nice ‘n’ easy.

There’s no need to bring a mirror to a tailgate – one can just look into sunglasses to check out the ‘do.

Lookin’ good.

After primping is complete, when a dude with a fancy camera says he’s documenting tailgaters for HawkeyeReport.com (we’re the third picture) say yes.

Of course we stopped what we were doing to say cheese (my dad and I hate attention).  Just as the photo was snapped some ass in the background said, “she’d take her pants off if you asked her too.” Yes, that’s the kind of classy folks I keep company with – and for the record, my pants stay on – unless Hugh Hefner calls.

So you’re saying we’re famous on the internet then, right?

With my star status on the Web established, I thought my day could not possibly get any better. Then, as I turned around, my eyes hit the glossiest beak in all of college sports. HERKY THE HAWK was driving through the tailgate! This was my one shot to get a photo with my favorite famous bird.

It will make your tailgating experience much more fun if you get a picture with the mascot.

It’s him! In the flesh. Ohmygod!

Skinny pirates pumping through my veins, I felt it suffice to run along the cart and beg Herky to either let me on or jump off into my arms and take a mother f’n photo.

Stop! Wait! I love you! I just want to get my…Jesus I’m out of shape.

Needless to say, I acted like a gigantic asshole but yes, you guessed it, I didn’t care. I got my picture made (kind of) with Herky!

As the tailgaters were heading into the game, we felt it necessary (and easier now that the parking lots were cleared out) to take pictures with their vehicles.  This way, there’s no need to invest in a $80,000 party prop.

Ain’t she a beaut? Now don’t go falling in love with it because…it’s not yours.

I was way too cool (duh) to pose in front of someone else’s tailgating property (eye roll) but not too classy to keep from snapping a shot of my dream bus while crossing the street.  It’s even appropriately called Team Alcohawk for our tailgating crew. Oh boy.

I’m immediately saving all of my pennies up for this bus.

As we strolled into the stadium (with Captain hid in appropriate places), I knew my real, live tailgating experience was coming to an end this year.  If only Herky had stopped to pose…

And wouldn’t you know, fate stepped in and stopped Herky for me (not in the flesh…more in a cardboard cutout kind of way) while I was stock piling up on AE dip for our red neck road trip back to Nashville (you’re white trash in the North, red neck below the Mason Dixon Line – keep up with me, people!).

The morning after the day long drinking celebration (looking oh-so-pretty, I know), I about knocked over two grocery clerks trying to make my way to Herky.

Some things are just meant to be.


Weekend Winks

Oh what fun a Nashville weekend can be…

Friday night chit-chat with my dogphew, Gunner all the way in Iowa.

Saturday morning college football season past time…catchting up on Lee Corso’s picks on ESPN’s College Gameday.

Instant stomach ache glancing at my dad’s choice of vodka…Taaka. The very fancy brand will set you back $11.99 per 1.75 mL. Instant rot gut. Thank God Dad got two bottles for Saturday’s game.

Tasty tailgating treats. Someone could hardly wait for a carrot, as he wanted to wash his rot gut vodka down with something. ANYTHING.

Cleaning off the ‘bib’ of a Hawkeye fan. Salsa missing one’s mouth will stain every time!

Football flag parade in very snazzy footwear. I just love a sandal with a sock, don’t you? Too bad this tradition didn’t help our team win.

Football Feline. Bebe, my mom’s cat, lovin’ up on his favorite cray cray cat lady’s leopard onesie.

What tailgate is complete without Jello shots? Prepping for the Tennessee Titans Sunday game, (while sampling the goods, of course).

Breakfast burritos for 9am party time. Very scary.

LP Field on a cloudy Sunday.

The dreary weather required a thermal and scarf.

This wolf was all kinds of lonely until he bumped into a new feline friend in the booze line before the game.

Proof that dogs and cats can get along.

The Titans taking the field.

Skinny Pirate halftime snack. A poor girl’s guide to getting cheap game day booze…stash the loot in your boot. Enter stadium. Purchase Diet Coke. Mix cocktail in bathroom stall. Classy, I’m aware.

A Halloween Miracle! Santa and Cat Woman shootin’ the breeze.

A beautiful day to lose a football game!

Drowning in our post game sorrows at Dick’s Last Resort. I don’t understand my hat…does that mean it’s true?

In some recovery today, as I’m already desperately anticipating the next two-day vacay at the end of this week. Football season can be so rough.