Weekend Winks – Holy Shits, Dips and Shots

There’s all kinds of crazy taking place in my Nashville bubble and I can’t say that I hate it.

Precious and I made our Billboard.com debut in music artist Ryan Kinder’sStill Believe in Crazy Love,” (scroll all of the way to the bottom of the article to watch the entire) video. There’s a long, fabulous story behind this experience I will share later (regarding Rapegate) but I did what any normal person does when they have their two seconds of fame.

Celebrating on a budget.

No pawtographs, please.

Naturally, I had to go out to toast my newfound famousness and First Mate was happy to oblige my obsession with myself.

Why am I not being bombarded?

While I basked in my glow of nothingness, the Iowa twins continue to morph into little people and are more hilarious than ever.

Princess B has been rocking pigtails, enjoying the Indian summer above the Mason Dixon line while she cheers her bro on in anything sports related.

Smiles for miles.

No. No it does not get any cuter.

Speaking of sports, I’ve been nil reporting on our tailgating shenanigans and Dada CBXB and I were in full force this weekend.

Her version of tailgating.

Our version of tailgating included almost every liquor under the sun, my dad’s self-dubbed “World Famous Wings,” the blogfamous “Eat Shit and Die Guacamole,” and snacks to soak up our hope of scoring any points against the number four ranked Penn State.

Spread right.

I made sure to be gussied up with sparkles and shine for a little extra luck for my Hawks.

Black, gold and perfectly bold Keds for Kate Spade sneakers.

Trying to one up Gwen Stefani by wearing my boyfriend’s face on my shirt instead of my shoe.

Much to our delight, we were able to do a traditional touchdown shot right before halftime because the Hawkeyes scored. Yeehaw!

We just wanted to drink….we didn’t think it’d actually be a good game!

As the second half wore on, our Cinderella team grew thisclose to beating the Nittany Lions with a last minute touchdown. Did you hear me screaming Saturday night?

 

The Hawkeyes did not hear my victory cries because they lost during the last play of the game with four seconds left. But we did an “E” for effort shot and are proud fans for hanging that close as an unranked, always overlooked team.

How ’bout them Hawks?!

Losers brunch was delish, as it was my dad’s self-dubbed “World Famous Omelette,” which never disappoints.

Breakfast of non-champions.

It’s been just over a month since I suddenly lost the furry little love of my life, Ted. And while I can’t yet write a full post about the magnitude of his loss to me, I miss him every single second of every single day.

But funny how I saw this Facebook memory and within minutes received a message from the gal who runs the cat rescue in which I’m a poster child, saying there may be someone I should go check out at Pet Smart if I was ready.

I have a love/hate relationship with the fucking memories that pop up on Facebook daily.

It took all of four seconds with my torso in the kennel to decide what the next chapter of pussy life will be like at the mini manse.

READY

A little shopping around with my newest pussy and shooting our first selfie before heading home.

Who doesn’t do this?

While the newest member of the fam has decided his fave place is under my bed, updates will follow as I mold him into my sidekick. Boy, he doesn’t know what the fuck he’s in for – hope he’s ready by Halloween for matching outfits.

Here’s to having a fabulous week.

Cheers!

CBXB

 

Weekend Winks – Can’t Steal My Sunshine

The past 240 days of 2016 have put me in a seemingly endless downward spiral, creating a monster of a walking, talking freak show shell of myself because when bad shit happens to good people, everyone responds differently. In my case, I’ve been left in a constant state of limbo for nearly 9 months, in which actions of those in authority performed, conducted demanded (by me) on my behalf were out of my control (a fucking nightmare for an OCD maniac such as moi).

Being wound tighter than a yo-yo that hasn’t been used since 1972, good news was delivered Friday morning that made me happier than in as long as my memory can serve me (which isn’t saying much these days). The kind of happy that makes you feel intoxicated in the absence of booze (of course that didn’t last long). The kind of happy that makes you feel genuine joy. The kind of happy that gives you a glimmer of hope, a sliver of validation and sparkling reminder that karma is a motherfucker when it’s doled out to those who deserve it.

The kind of happy that feels like sunshine.

Cheersing to karma being a motherfucker.

The celebration between a mother and her little fucker.

As tidings of joy (god, I can’t wait for Christmas) spread, my support group helped me celebrate from coast to coast.

From Hotlanta!

Love in the form of a 12 pack from Atlanta.

Flowers of

Feted with flowers from gal pal and blogging bestie  Princess Rosebud from Cali.

Good thing for me the celebrating didn’t end with Skinny Pirates on Friday night. The party trickled into Saturday, where I didn’t have to choose a fave booze to holler’n’swaller t0 while cheering on my beloved Iowa Hawkeyes.

Playing Favorites

Room for all of my nearest and dearest game day delights.

A small hair of the dog did take the Friday night bite out of the 11am kick-off.

Game day started off right.

Even the tailgate crew gussied up in their game day finest.

Gussied up and

Glitterati is a good sport.

Trying to keep our average American figures in check, our tailgate spread remained low carb (but who gives a rat’s ass how many are in your cocktail, amIright?).

Healthy spread to offset the dehydration of livers.

Healthy spread to offset the dehydration of livers.

I even cooked something without a recipe…yes. Be ah-mazed. Because I still am.

Cauliflower crusted buffalo chicken pizza.

Cauliflower crusted buffalo chicken pizza.

Family tradition continued the shenanigans of good fortune with touchdown shots.

Shot one! But not done.

Shot one! But not done.

Two and through.

Two and through.

The Hawkeyes eeked out a victory (a win is a win no matter how ugly) and while I take a victory even if not proudly, my heart about burst with delight when I received this video of Princess B.

 

I know that you are now overflowing with patriotism. I mean, who couldn’t after that rendition of the Pledge of Allegiance?  And, speaking of overflow, here’s hoping all of you peeps in Iowa are staying as dry as possible although the waters seem to keep rising.

Four feet of sandbags and still a raging river in Cedar Rapids.

Four feet of sandbags and still a raging river in Cedar Rapids.

The rest of my weekend was spent deciding what mini manse improvement projects I should do now that I have a little pep back in my step. It’s amazing how much an ounce of relief can revive your spirit. My pal Mills made the suggestion below and I think it’s something that even I could handle in a day’s work.

img_4669

I mean, I already have the bag of wine, I just need to find massive shower clips. Who can help?

The pussy posse dominated my Sunday, demanding some mama time. I’m sure you can guess who still remains king of the castle though, right?

Thank God I have enough body mass for all of them.

Thank God I have enough body mass for all of them.

While I’m not a political pot stirrer, I couldn’t help but fall truly, madly, deeply in love with this shirt

Love trumps hate. Truth trumps dishonesty. Karma trumps asshats.

Love trumps hate.
Truth trumps dishonesty.
Karma trumps asshats.

Here’s hoping nothing steals your sunshine this week.

Cheers!

CBXB!

Weekend Winks – Celebratory Shenanigans

Oh so many reasons to get into the party mood (as if I ever need an excuse) this past weekend!

A new job! My birthday! Easter!

Yep. That's right. Celebrating a new job, too!

Celebrating a new job and my 22nd-ish year on the planet at the same time.

Lucky for me, this year my birthday happened to land on a Friday, which was a double whammy of fun as the last day of the work week almost always finds me at my local watering hole Dalts.

A decked out Skinny Pirate waiting my arrival.

A decked out Skinny Pirate waiting my arrival.

The evening started out with the typical crew…

Dada CBXB, yours truly and Camo.

Dada CBXB, yours truly and Camo.

Naturally, I wasted no time getting wasted my drink on.

Birthdays taste so damn good.

Birthdays taste so damn good.

As the night moved along, other friends graced my trashtacular ass with their presence and the shenanigans began to up their ante (mostly due to my behavior, of course).

A drunk girl, another birthday girl and my brutha from another mutha.

A drunk girl, another birthday girl and my brutha from another mutha.

I mean, what's not to love after eight Skinny Pirates and I lost count of birthday shots?!

I mean, what’s not to love after eight Skinny Pirates and I lost count of how many birthday shots came my way?!

But never fear, my knight in shining Uber armour appeared!

Uber

Poor Nova, wishing he’d made better choices than appearing at Dalts to buy me a birthday cocktail.

Waking up feeling not at all like Kate Upton the following morning, I proceeded to the fridge for my go-to after the night after partying liquid. A real Coke.

I woke up like this.

I woke up like this.

Slight problem for this blonde. There wasn’t a goddamn single Coke in my fridge which hasn’t happened since 2004 when I lost my first job. But, no problemo! I was just gonna hop in my chariot and run to the gas station.

Only when I walked out of the mini manse with keys in hand, I hazily realized my car was at Dalts.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. No Coke. No Diet Coke. No tea. No coffee. And this chick needed her caffeine.  After a very close come apart, I scoured the fridge one more time and…it was a birthday miracle folks!

Do you see what I see?

Do you see what I see? Yes, clear in the way back.

Nestling into the couch, reviewing my celebratory messages, I received one of those “I love you but seriously bless your heart” texts from a Lady friend.

Truth hurts.

Truth hurts.

Speaking of cats, I was able to muster the energy to hang with the fur balls while sipping in my caffeine.

More cats please.

More cats please.

I mean seriously. that face!

I mean seriously. That face!

Obvies Ted is everyone’s main squeeze when it comes to the cuddles, so I left the pussies on the couch to do much more pressing things like open up gifts from my Prince and Princess in Iowa.

Except I couldn’t get the box open.

I wish I may, I wish I might opening this fucking box tonight.

I wish I may, I wish I might open this fucking box tonight.

Well the effort was well worth it being that these two masterpieces were inside.

Obvious mini Picassos on the rise.

Obvious mini Picassos on the rise.

Then it was on to my fave snail mailed cards and this was the first and best one I opened.

Good thing I rarely use my burners.

Good thing I rarely use my burners as glitter hearts fell out of the fabulous card.

Onto the Easter shenanigans that greeted us on Sunday, my fave twins patiently awaited the arrival of Gpa, my Dada CBXB, that they lovingly refer to as Coo Coo.

Patiently waiting for CooCoo.

Sleep sacked and Mrs. T in their finest attire.

No spoiling here.

No spoiling here.

And the Easter Bunny didn't miss those sweet Prince and Princess B.

And the Easter Bunny didn’t miss those sweet Prince and Princess B.

FullSizeRender

Easter down south was in full swing with Presh dressed pretty as a princess.

I was busy playing Suzy Homemaker with less than desired results in the form of a failed bunny pie.

Way more of a back story for this piece of art.

Way more of a back story for this piece of art.

I also tried to burn my mini manse down by turning the burner full of golden sparkle hearts on to boil eggs that weren’t even on the right heating device.

Eating is much more my forte than cooking.

Eating is much more my forte than cooking.

Thank God there was someone else making all of the other fixins.

Thank God there was someone else making all of the other fixins.

Fat, happy and a bit tipsy is a weekend done right in my book.

Thirsty

Presh couldn’t agree more.

Here’s hoping the bunny found you.

Cheers!

CBXB

CBXB!

Weekend Winks – Thrones ‘n’ Football

Multi-screens in the mini manse, shit dip, moonshine and a brand new throne made this weekend divine.

Revenge of the shit dip.

Revenge of the shit dip.

After what felt like a year-long week, Saturday morning came a little too early after a little bit of boozing on Friday night.

Looking how I feel...

Looking how I feel. And yes, I’m the jackass who wears sunglasses in the supermarket.

I also got my ass handed to me by Princess B – you know, my fact checker for this blog.

Looking like a beast.

Not sure she likes what she’s reading.

She couldn’t stop herself from giving editorial notes while admiring herself on the small screen.

But wait, here's what it should have looked like.

But wait, here’s what it should have looked like.

After enduring the creative notes from my niece, I hustled to get ready for the weekly tailgate my folks and I have each Saturday.

All dressed up with no game to watch...

Little did we know this was a spread in search of a game.

Our tasty treats also included my gal pal Katie B’s infamous shit dip. It consists of corn, cream cheese and butter. And it tastes like heaven in your mouth.

And requires a side of toilet paper.

Trust me.

Click here for the recipe

You're seriously going to need this.

You’re seriously going to need this.

Anyone else have Comcast as their cable provider? Anyone else want to tell Comcast to suck shit?

On Saturday morning, TV the guide listed either my Iowa Hawkeye game or the Penn State game was going to air.

I checked online for the TV listings. No luck.

I called and talked to three different Comcast departments for over an hour with three of the same answers…

“We’re sorry, we can’t tell you what will air.”

How in the hell can the cable provider not know what they’re going to show? How? HOW?

Sure enough, kick-off time rolled around and the Penn State game appeared on TV in the Nashville area. So we turned my mini manse into a multi-screened viewing area with the help of my lap top and live streaming.

Just like a sports bar. Multi-screen

Just like a sports bar. Only less classy.

During the TV shenanigans, New Cat became a man whore.

Man whore

Mauling Gpa.

Gma

Mauling Gma.

I feed you. I

Mauling Mama.

Not one to miss out on any action, Teddy gave his own version of a lap dance.

Ass to the face.

An ass to Gma’s face felt appropriate.

Although we had to squint to watch our game, touchdowns still required our family tradition of moonshine shots.

Moonshine time!

TD Baby!

The halftime show consisted of a pussy trying to commit suicide, another unable to feign any emotion for the suicidal cat and a grandpa oblivious to either scene taking place around him.

A suicide, an I don't give a shit and a Gpa not paying attention. Halftime show consisted of...

Where’s a marching band when you need one?

During the second half of the game New New got so handsy with Gpa that he didn’t want to share, giving anyone that came close a death stare.

Third quarter snuggle.

Back off or I’ll bite.

I spent the rest of the third in the bathroom due to my copious amounts of my fave dip.

Shit happens.

Shit happens.

It was a good thing I’d eaten my weight in corn, as two touchdown and a victory shot waited for me in the fourth quarter.

A few more of these....

Popcorn Sutton White Whiskey for everyone!

Which made the rest of the afternoon feel like…

Moonshine Mania

Moonshine mania makes the world spin.

And copious amount of moonshine may or may not be why my masterpiece of a pizza turned out like this for supper…

Don't drink and cook.

Don’t drink and cook.

I ate it anyway. Surprise!

But not surprisingly, I ate it anyway.

Sunday found me admiring my Miami Mini Me’s newest hair accessory.

Miami Mini Me and her fabulous hair bow.

Yes she’s fabulous. And yes, I’m borrowing that bow!

And what could be more ah-mah-zing than being gifted my very own throne on a lazy afternoon?

Nothing.

Hello my love. How did I ever live without you?!

Hello my love. How did I ever live without you?!

Waving from my throne.

A classy chair for a trashtacular lady.

While I was careful to use only my wrist to wave so as not to jiggle my arm fat, this one sprawled out on his throne with a jiggly belly proudly exposed.

You want me to wave a paw at you or something?

You want me to wave a paw at you or something? Fuck off.

From our thrones to yours, here’s hoping your week is off to a fabulous start!

CBXB

CBXB!

 

Weekend Winks – Fiesta Style

Winter officially hit Nashville this weekend (if you call 30 degrees cold) and to brave the chill, I did what any gal does. I drank cocktails ’til my belly was all warm and cozy.

I ordered a vodka rocks cocktail as soon as my ass hit the bar stool Friday night.  Little did I know that it was buy one, get one so I was presented with the tallest glass of vodka I’ve ever seen, so I carefully sipped instead of my typical guzzle.

Vodka tastes so good.

Glasses of vodka taste so good.

While I was living it up, Teddy was apparently throwing a fiesta at our mini manse. The fabulous Wandering Poet from the blog Andy Kaufman’s Kavalkade Krew captured the Bear in all of his party glory and tweeted me this photo evidence.

Tequila Teddy

Tequila Teddy via #TeddyTunes on Twitter. Famous little pussy of mine!

Mr. Bear apparently pulled an all nighter because I was rudely awoken in the wee morning hours Saturday to a cat trying to figure out how to be louder than my white noise machine. He was incessant that I open my eyeballs for the sake of opening my eyeballs.

GET UP

YOU WILL GET UP.

Realizing that sleep wasn’t going to happen for me, I did what all good cat moms do. Got up and made myself a college game day cocktail.

Cocktail

Cocktails make early mornings better.

And while I was up four hours earlier than normal, I decided to let Christmas explode in the mini manse.

I have a problem. It's called Christmas.

I have a problem. It’s called Christmas.

But I was able to get everything up and in its place before kick-off.

Up and glittering for the game.

My beloved holiday deer up and glittering for the Hawks.

While my folks and I weren’t together for the game, I still honored our moonshine touchdown tradition (who am I to break a family tradition?!).  Call it a pre-Christmas miracle but my Iowa Hawkeyes got a win!

Double duty as not with my folks this game day.

Keeping the ritual alive and kickin’.

With most of the day left on Saturday, I took my celebrating to TJ Maxx, where I found a deal that made me squeal. Literally. In the aisle of TJ Maxx, almost giving an elderly lady a heart attack.

Juicy deal.

Juicy deal.

I love me some Juicy Couture but due to the prices, can’t always (well never, really) purchase any of the goods I long for. So you can imagine my sheer delight when I found a dress originally priced at $158.00 marked down to $25.

Hello cheap!

Be still my beating heart.

On Sunday, I made the discovery of all discoveries…wine on tap. Which will be a custom inclusion in my next mini-manse…most likely in my closet, where I can lay on a leopard couch and drink my ‘what to wear’ decision making problems away.

To be installed in my next mini manse.

Pinot grigio on tap? Yes please.

After my gleeful wine discovery, I tried to master the art of steak making. My first effort (minus a grill) turned out rather well. I don’t know that I would serve it to company but I was proud of my attempt, as Rachel Ray I am not.

Be impressed. Be very impressed.

Be impressed. Be very impressed.

Soaking in the tub with the Sexiest Man Alive wasn’t a rough way to end the weekend.

Sexiest man to be debated but I enjoyed our bath together nonetheless.

Sexiest man can be debated but I enjoyed our bath together nonetheless.

Ted and I will leave you with our new mantra, gifted to us from the always sparkly L. Dawg whom we love like CeeLo Green loves the night life.

Don't we know it!

Don’t we know it!

Sparkle on my friends.

CBXB

CBXB!

Bewitching Breakfast Burritos

Finding myself with a last-minute invitation to a Tennessee Titans tailgate turned into a horror show more quickly than anticipated, as I was under prepared in my own personal grocery department. And you can’t show up to a party empty-handed now, can you?

While rummaging through the fridge, freezer and pantry (which typically house condiments, vodka and expired cereal) I came up with a solution to my meager problem when I spied non-molded corn tortillas.

Which resulted in a first time attempt at breakfast burritos…

Tailgating tasties at their finest.

Early game day tailgating tasties at their finest.

Here’s what I found (and what you’ll need) to concoct a similar potion…

  • Whatever kind of meat you find in your freezer (I ran into a half package of sausage)
  • Green pepper (if you have one…I have no idea how the F one found its way into my fridge)
  • Five non-expired eggs (plus a bit of milk if you have it or you can use water)
  • Shredded cheese (leftover from last year’s chili. I’m kidding…kind of)
  • Tortillas
Fry the sausage separately.

Start by frying your choice of meat.

Peppers

In a separate skillet, saute the green peppers.

Add the egg mixture

Mix the eggs with about 1/4 cup of milk and add to the peppers.

Add the sausage to the mix.

Add the sausage to the mix.

 And then the cheese.

Once the eggs are almost set, top with shredded cheese.

Pick your poison. Personally, I'd reach for the skull....

Scoop the mix onto tortillas. Roll. Then devour.

Of course, I also had the ingredients for Jell-O shots which made me one popular tailgater. I mean, what washes a bewitching breakfast burrito down the hatch better than vodka and gelatin? Nothing.

What washes a bfast burrito down?

BOOzin’ it up spooky style.

You know I like to keep it classy.

Cheers!

CBXB

CBXB!

Weekend Winks – Hawkstar Style

Is there anything better than a weekend filled with football, booze and sun?

Friday night called for some leopard kicks and a lot (accidentally) of cocktailing.

Party Patio

A bit of teetering and tottering in these bad boys lead to a leisurely Saturday.

What kind of fan would I be without sporting my team’s attire? I threw on one of my fave Iowa Hawkeye t-shirts from Victoria’s Secret PINK line on Saturday as I prepared for a tailgate (well, really an ‘ingate’ as we don’t really go outside).

Hawkstar

That’s right. I party like a Hawkstar.

Ted could have cared less about all of the pre-game prep Saturday afternoon.

Can't be bothered

Why do I spend money on cute beds for Ted when he prefers a plastic Target bag?

Being that I was in deep recovery from Friday night, I wore my prescription sunglasses all day, forgetting they were on as I went on a football food run.

Yep. I'm somebody in the spaghetti aisle.

Yep. I’m somebody in the spaghetti aisle. An asshole wearing sunglasses inside as a matter of fact.

The trashy touchdown tradition ingredients sat on the counter calling our name, waiting for points to be thrown up on the Hawk’s scoreboard.

Moonshine primed and ready to go for TDs.

C’mon touchdowns!

Tedstar, still underwhelmed at the pre-party, stayed snuggled down with his plastic.

Yay

He loves football. No, seriously.

Not even the sight and smell of the tailgating treats could muster The Bear up from his slumber.

Tailgating spread.

The spread…including the my blogfamous Shit Dip (click here for recipe).

But my little kit cat could not get enough of his Grammie’s new hair product as he sniffed and sniffed and sniffed his way up one side of her head and down the other as we watched the game.

You smell so...well, let me smell you again. And again.

You smell so…well, let me smell you again. And again.

With a Hawkeye win of 27-21, we were feeling pretty foxy with all that moonshine pumping through our veins. That evening while asleep, I had visions of the 3.1 Phillip Lim for Target (the store is my mothership) collection dancing in my head (did anyone score anything yesterday before it sold out?).

As I sauntered to my mothership Sunday morning, I was happy to know that the love of the store has been instilled in my niece and nephew up in Iowa.

Instilling the love in my niece and nephew.

First trip to Target! Starting the red bullseye love early for B & B.

After all of the lost brain cells over the weekend, the only thing I could do was sit my ass by the pool one more time this season and watch the sun go down.

Sunday sundown.

Sunday sundown.

Here’s hoping you have a fabulous week!

CBXB

CBXB!