The Beauty of Birthdays

Birthdays of yesteryear taught me some extremely important lessons that I adhere to even today, as I prepare to celebrate another year of fabulous fun.

Huff. Puff. and Blow.

Huff. Puff. Blow.

1) Always take a peek in a mirror before a photo is snapped, forever capturing the loveliness of you on your special day or you may end up with something like this….

My most gorgeous birthday photo ever.

Hello Gorgeous.

Seriously. Stare in the mirror and give a rat’s ass or you’ll be gazing at your lovely self in something as beautiful as a crocheted vest for years to come.

Crochet nightmare

Fashion at its finest accessorized with wispy bangs.

Celebrate

Own advice not taken. Clearly.

2) Upon receiving presents, always act like you’ve just received the best.gift.ever. Even if you have no clue what it is or have no intention of ever wearing/using/displaying/eating/drinking.

Always act surprised.

Holy shit! I love it! No, truly I do.

3) Insist upon holding fingers up to commemorate which age you were celebrating when photos end up in albums.

Insist

I’m this many today.

Even if you’re not quite sure how old you are, own whatever you are saying which will demand more attention on you.

Even

If I say I’m two and a half, I AM TWO AND A HALF, ya dig?

4) Cake matters. Choose your design wisely.

Scoobs.

Everyone wants a piece of Scooby.

Then insist someone hand feed it to you.

Keepin' it classy. As usual.

Keepin’ it classy. As usual.

5) Practice your ‘birthday face’ so you can look adorable in all photos.

Mug for the camera.

Oh who me? Why yes it is my birthday. I’ll just hold this pose for the rest of the day.

Camera!

Adorableness fail.

6) Be sure to have a themed party. Even if it involves you looking like an ass clown.

theme

Send in the clowns.

7) Dance, jump and twirl to your heart’s content, acting as if you have one ounce of rhythm somewhere in your being.

PARTY!

Shake, rattle and rollin’ expected.

Dance

High kicks accepted.

Head banging also accepted.

Head banging also welcomed but you’ll regret it in the morning. Trust me.

8) Noisy favors are a must. Especially if party goers are under the age of six.

Blow it out.

Blow out birthday party.

9) Always go with the celebratory flow.

Go with the flow

Balloons in my hair? Sounds like a good birthday look.

Or at least let someone catch you when the flow gets to be too much for you to stand on your own.

Hey-oh!

Hey-oh!

10) Don’t ever turn away a birthday kiss, no matter how much you think it may hurt your face.

Scruffy faces hurt my cheek. Always low maintenance.

Always being low maintenance, scruffy faces hurt my cheek. Shave already!

11) Even if you share the same birthday with a cousin (gentleman to my left in photo below with thrilled look on his face) be sure you try to be the star of the show anyhow.

Sharing

Sorry. Not sorry B. Happy Birthday today by the way!

12) Never, ever, ever, ever turn down a birthday shot. Ever.

Why thank you

Birthdays taste so good.

Cheers to your birthdays of yesteryear – as well as a year full of the happiest of birthdays for all of us and those we hold dear!

This evening, I’ll be drinking to the wise words my Gma has told me every year, “having another birthday sure beats the alternative.”

Smart lady.

CBXB

CBXB!

 

Just One of the Guys

I’m never accused of being sensitive.  You can tease the bejesus out of me and not only will all of my feathers remain unruffled, I’ll be dishing it right back at you.

My sister and I were the only two girls out of 11 cousins on one side of the family and we encountered relentless teasing, rough housing and endless boys against girls games (is nine against two ever fair? And furthermore, we could NEVER make good machine gun sounds. This is a trait that males are born with. Seriously.).  I learned very early on how to stand my ground, play hard and tried not to cry (or “the boys will know it’s getting to you and that’s what they want,” true words of wisdom from Mom).

So if I had to play G.I. Joe with my boy cousins, you bet your ass they played Barbie when visiting my house. Being oh-so-sweet (and such a little shit), I even gifted my cousin D a Ken doll one year at Christmas (his best received present ever).  And of course, I wanted to do anything and everything my cousins did. I was a little bedazzled dude with attitude (which has bled into my adulthood).

You can imagine my dismay one Christmas when all of my cousins got football helmets of their favorite teams. I jealously scowled on as they posed for a picture (how could a photo be snapped without my presence?! I wanted – rather needed a helmet! How dare Santa leave me out!).

But what happened next was a true Christmas miracle.  My cousin D didn’t like his helmet (and became an actual bawl baby) because it was too tight on his head.

Tears of tightness

Tears of tightness

Oh the horrors for him but sheer holiday delight for yours truly. All too happy to take a helmet from a hysterical, big headed boy.

I can do anything you an do better....

Dry eyed and helmet headed. Eat your crying heart out, boys.

Who needs Barbie when I look so good in a football helmet – feathers intact?

CBXB

CBXB!