Turns out not only can I not take photos with my pussies, I’m the world’s worst cat mom when it comes to snow days.
Nashville has recently been pummeled with winter weather outside of the norm. And that’s meant staying in, hunkering down and working in my finest pjs.
Days home due to snow also require a trip to the grocery whenever a winter advisory is in place and Nashvillians feel the need to stock up on any and everything under the sun. Especially milk and bread.
So instead of getting snow day food essentials, I filled my car with the more important necessities when stuck at home.
Upon waking up and realizing I needed to put a layer of carbs in my belly before commencing on the day drinking ahead of me, I found an old box of pancake mix and blueberries in the fridge that didn’t yet have mold growing on them.
After stuffing my face (because I’m like any good selfless mom, I fed me first) with what felt like eight pounds of pancakes, I realized my little fur balls needed some meat for their bones too.
But then, this happened when I went to the cat pantry….
Upon hearing the cling of the metal food pan ringing a little too loudly due to the lack of food inside, Ted had some choice looks for me.
Mr. Bear looked in the cupboards with no luck.
New Cat checked under the kitchen rug to no avail.
When I tried calming them down, saying I had tuna (that may or may not have expired in 2010) somewhere in a drawer I returned from my search to this on my computer.
Feeling slightly guilty that I had my booze and batter on hand, I thought I would be a super mom and brave the icy streets of Nashville to get these little assholes their fancy $60 cat food (Ted has kitty Celiac’s Disease and New Cat just lucks out – the little bastard).
I then realized that the only tools I had to fight the ice was my Captain and a spatula.
Turns out the cooking utensil was no match for the ice that had frozen every opening of my vehicle shut.
Realizing that my efforts were going to go down in flames, I trudged back inside to tell my pussies the bad news. Teddy took it about as well as when he jumped in a bush like Garfield.
New Cat in all of his dramatic glory, fainted.
Luckily for me, my buddy Camo texted that he’d be up my way in his heavy duty truck and asked if I needed anything. And boy, was he sorry (no good deed goes unpunished) when I told him I needed the fancy prescription cat food for His Royal Highness and Mr. Annoying.
He nicely agreed to pick it up, so I called the pet store to see if I could pay over the phone. While the business transaction was a success, the store was closing in 15 minutes due to the inclement weather. At this point, I just felt like I should end it all and let the cats eat my face in lieu of their precious fucking food.
But lo and behold Camo whisked in with a bag just in the nick of time (I’d chosen to put my head in the oven due to warmth).
New Cat was so happy to see this sight that he started to make out with the bag of food.
Naturally my first born was nothing but pissed off, yet still found a way to eat anyhow.
We’ve since all made up.
Lesson learned folks. My checklist for the next winter weather advisory:
- Cat food
- Cat food
- Cat food
Can someone please remind me of this list? It’s hard being blonde.