Love Me, Mean It

Ever know one of those annoying people who won’t shut the fuck up their birthday? Well, now you do.

Cause I love me some me – especially when it’s my time to shine, celebrating the day I graced Earth with my presence. Candles, crowns and a crowd have always accompanied my birthday.

I think far too many folks don’t celebrate themselves to the fullest and that’s a goddamn shame. Shouldn’t we live every day like it’s our birthday? Show ourselves the same self love we celebrate on our day of birth because as my Gma Morris always said, “another birthday is better than the alternative.”

I’ve always loved my fucking birthday. Maybe it was because when I was growing up, parties felt epic because living in small Iowa town, all of the kids from class were invited.

Maybe it was because I share a birthday with my cousin B (LUCKY HIM) and we always got together to celebrate and that meant two parties for me – one with friends, one with fam. He’s the thrilled kid on the left of the pic below.

Either way, I lived to par-tay and last year, Rona really fucked that shit up.

But this year? Oh hell to THA NO. This year my birthday month was going to be honored and acknowledged by yours truly every.single.day of March. Of course, I had some help.

Why thank you, however did you know? Maybe me announcing it daily on IG stories?

The champs popped March 1, 2021.

Why wait for just one day to celebrate?

As a visual reminder, I wore a headpiece or birthday crown daily for all to see.

Cheers to meeeeeeee!

While talking about my second birthday in Rona non-stop, I preemptively took the day off of work in honor to appropriately concentrate on the very important task of celebrating me.

And in case I forgot, I got reminded. (My gawd I have fabulous friends).

When the actual day arrived, I made use of my made just for me booze holder that reads “Happy 2nd Covid Birthday” and filled that sucker up with a Skinny Pirate.

Then I hopped back in bed with Prissy and The Pussy Posse to do whatever the fuck I wanted. To start, I read every single text, social media posts about my birthday and direct messages. Please exit this post immediately if

A) You do not like me.

B) You do not like reading gushingly love filled messages to me that I am going to unabashedly share.

Consider yourself warned.

One woman we have to thank for my love of celebrating every.fucking.thing is Mama CBXB who chose the most appropriate photo to commence the day (and goes to show that I’ve been authentic since birth).

Cutest little faces with well wishes!

After feeling all of the love, I worked out with my fave trainer I found on Instagram last year during the pandemic. She runs the Body By Trainor Experience (@bodybytrainor) and posts workouts daily on her IG page for free. The heart pumping, along with the fact that we are long lost twins, accompanied by the virtual friendships culminated through this community has made me one motherfucking lucky gal.

I even had a workout named after me – HEYOH!

While I didn’t make the 6am live workout, I enjoyed doing it at my leisure along with Hot Mama and Bella in Chicago, and my fave Beast from Canada.

If you had told me a year ago that I would have an assortment of weights that I used almost daily, I would have laughed masklessly in your face. This year, I am clean pressing 20lbs! What? What?

These weights were gifted to me throughout the year by fellow group members. I was using wine bottles and cat litter prior to graduating to real weights.

One friend sent quite a fabulous workout outfit but in lieu of sweating in it, I decided to celebrate in it.

I’m not at a point where I’m ready to go midriff baring however, one’s birthday in isolation is a different story and after I put “It’s My Fucking Birthday” sash on, I threw caution to the wind.

One thing I did not count on was a delivery needing signature. I was back brushing my pearly whites when the knocking didn’t cease on the Mini Manse door.

Pretty sure no one was going to be able to look past my homegrown Rapegate boobs.

Oh hello Dizly delivery from my bestie M.Star. I put this to use the moment the ogling delivery dude left (I hated no moments of it).

Now an annual celebratory must.

Spoke to friends who I’ve only “met” virtually in Canada, North Caroline and Chicago!

Got to talk to my great aunt Marge who puts us all to shame in the game of celebrating. I remember my first time drinking with her, she brought a bottle of champs to Christmas and said soon after, “Did I drink all of that? Who can we prank call?”

Soon after, I enjoyed the rest of my evening on the phone chatting with friends and family while mauling Prissy and the Pussy Posse.

The following day was Friday and it was gonna be my first time back at the watering hole that holds half of my heart.

Birthday gift cards are the best!

Last year was the first birthday I didn’t spend at Dalts since moving to Nashville due to that cunt Rona. So while this year was still tame due to restrictions, I got to go to the bar, see my fave libations pourer, Marja and par-tay with my closest regulars I hadn’t seen in a year.

Skinny Pirate #1.

My lovely Strawberry Blonde met me and stayed sober while I accepted gifted drinks from other patrons at the bar.

A forced photoshoot is never a surprise when you’re with me, either.

1,765,812 more candid photos follow this one, naturally.

I mean, who doesn’t wear a full length pink and gold sequin cape casually?

As you can imagine, my quiet, quiet voice, my very subtle outfit and me shouting every time someone walked by “IT’S MY BIRTHDAY!” drew a teeny tiny bit of attention. Unbeknownst to Strawberry Blonde and myself, a fellow customer quietly paid my our tab. We didn’t know it until the end of our eight hour stay but she’d said “I love seeing women celebrating themselves.”

My Sugar Mama requested a photo before she left and prior to my knowledge of her picking up what wasn’t a cheap tab. It was so fucking nice. Like, beyond.

Strawberry Blonde awarded me with a trophy that said “Congrats on Adulting” and I tell you what, we all deserve goddamn prizes for trudging through the last fucking year however we saw fit. This will be the one and only time I throw my weight behind “participation” trophies for all.

The rest of my birthday weekend was spent in bed with The Pussy Posse, Prissy and pizza.

I can’t muster one complaint about celebrating my face off for 31 days. The accessories. The brazen daily announcements regarding me. me. me. all month long on Instagram. The outfit that dared me to bare my belly that’s not quite ready for bikini season yet. The reminder that I excel in the art of not giving a fuck.

So here’s to celebrating you, me and our ability to *almost* emerge shitshow after shitshow of 2020 to a newish norm. Just beware you may wake up looking like this the 32nd morning of your birthday shenanigans.

And it was worth every fucking second.

Cheers to us.

Love ya, mean it.

CBXB

CBXB!

BUY ME A DRINK!

Weekend Winks – Girls! Girls! Girls!

Sometimes a little tender lovin’ TLC is best and there’s no better way than to hang with your gal pals at an old (in our case) fashioned slumber party.

First time with a selfie stick fail.

First time with a selfie stick fail.

None of the ladies could believe that I had never before used a selfie stick and as it will be no surprise to anyone, I couldn’t figure the fucking thing out all night.

Bo better

Bird Lady, Bex and First Mate – faces of disappointment.

So I reverted back to the good old day arm selfie with much clearer (whatever that means) results.

Old fashioned

Old school selfies rule.

While our pajama photo shoot lasted until way passed the wee hours of three, a few faces from the gaggle of my zoo were pissed that they weren’t yet fast asleep in sleeping bags.

Just go the fuck to bed.

Just go the fuck to bed already.

So we took heed of their facial advice and landed wherever we dropped for our beauty sleep.  A silent Saturday was in store at the mini manse, as everyone was catching up on their ZZZZZZZs.

Tired twosome.

Elsa and Rocky – a tired twosome.

Teddy was so tired, he couldn’t even muster a glance at the camera – and we all know how he likes to be the star of the show.

No look for you.

No look for you.

Ruby Sue’s eyes remained open but she was also snoring. I know, I know, I have one talented pussy right here.

Wide-eyed sleeper.

Wide-eyed sleeper.

Even the always peppy Precious was down for the count on Saturday after a long night with the girls.

Down for the count.

Pooped chug.

But I’m pretty sure Presh was still groggy from getting her teeth cleaned the day before…I mean, look at those eyes.

Dazed and confused.

Dazed and confused.

I received a custom Bitmoji that is now my screen saver on my cell (DON’T tell the twins) from my gal pals who reside in the Windy City.

My

They were out shopping and found what will soon be part of my daily uniform.

Diamonds

Shirt reads: Cats diamonds are a girl’s best friend. TRUTH.

My Iowa twins were enjoying some unseasonable warm weather over the weekend, acting as adorable as ever.

Princess

Princess B – always a crowned jewel.

Check out the abs on Prince B below. I’m going to start taking workout pointers from my three year old nephew.

Long, tall Prince B.

I’m trying this technique tonight at the park but need to figure out how to also sip my Skinny Pirate.

Sunday I found myself surrounded by more fabulous friends as we met up for a drunk brunch.

Ladies who drunch.

Ladies who drunch.

As always, I ended the weekend in a bath full of relax.

Best bubbles on the block.

Best bubbles on the block.

Here’s hoping your week is full of the TLC you need.

Cheers!

CBXB

CBXB!