Weekend Winks – A Wonder Dog and Dads

All is well and good until you kick your weekend off with a purple gin martini.

Then it’s fucking fabulous.

I only like gin when it’s purple.

A gaggle of friends were in Music City and we had so much fun, the time spent together warrants its own post. But what started out like this…

Was raging the following 24 hours like this…

No fun zone.

My Iowa twins were having their own fun on my old work stomping grounds at Adventureland, an amusement park near Des Moines.

You’re gonna have a fun filled day! (jingle)

I used to sing and dance on a stage that rose from the ground six times per day in the sweltering Iowa heat. It was so much more fun than waiting tables and it gave me the performance bug that eventually led me to Nashville.

I was not fortunate enough to be a plush dog. Once I was a fucking clown.

Princess B decided to get a few inches chopped off of her luscious locks and I don’t care that she’s my mini me, this chick can do no wrong when it comes to life her hair.

those. curls.

Saturday called for brunch and while I was busy guzzling bottomless mimosas at the bar, I saw a dog (it’s like my eyes are magnetically drawn to anything furry). The bartender took a beer, the dog retreived it from her hand and gingerly carried it to his owner at a nearby table.

I was so bummed I missed the video but naturally had to go and maul the dog, Dog for his fabulous efforts. Luckily for me, the owner was not a one and done kind of drinker, therefore, I had a chance to get this genius canine in his pet trick element.

*mind blown*

What else would one do on a low key Saturday night than watch your favorite Christmas movie for the 6,380,156 time? I couldn’t even wait until “Christmas in July”.

A fun old fashioned family Griswold Christmas.

Sunday greeted me with a fancy omelette courtesy of Van Waffles.

That drizzle is everything.

Father’s Day celebrations then commenced and I sent messages to my peeps. I have dudes in my life who are fathers to fish, four legged friends, and humans. First photo I received of the day was from my cousin and his one and some months year old daughter (why don’t people just say one? Why does it have to be 16, 18, 24 months? Just a side question for the humanless parents).

Juicy Lucy!

My mini party headed to the ever affordable Chili’s for their all day happy hour (2 for 1 house wines and beer, hello!) to celebrate dear old Dada CBXB.

Chips, salsa and snoozes.

My girl, Sleepy, went out the evening before and the salsa dipping proved to be too much, so she shut her eyes for a second.

Party animal.

While she was regaining her dipping strength, I gifted Dada CBXB with a small token of gratitude that he can share with me, naturally.

Bota Box RosΓ©. Bring that into the pool next weekend. Thanks.

I then turned my dad into Elton John by adorning him with my new sunglasses that are only missing lights.

Here’s hoping your week is just as extra as my dad’s sunglasses.

Cheers!

CBXB

CBXB!

 

Weekend Winks – Wins and Worms

You know when you’re a lady who single-handedly runs a fucking funny farm full of animals inside of her own mini manse that inevitably, someone is going to get sick…and then they all get sick. Because when everyone eats, drinks and shits in the same places it’s germ swapping mania.

Trough of pussies.

Trough of pussies.

So we spent the better half of our weekend at the vet. Why you ask? Because everyone in the goddamned house had worms. FUCKING WORMS. All from our little chug who brought in fleas, which I thought I’d gotten rid of after a dip in the tub and a bomb of the mini manse but apparently, one of the felines got one in their belly and fleas turn in to worms.

IMG_7081

Dip Baby Dip.

You know what’s fun when you have four cats and a dog? Prepping to take stool samples for the vet to examine, Ted’s meds for refills and new pussy paperwork on the three February family additions (yes, I’m my veterinarian’s dream come true).

Just another day in my fabulous life.

Just another day in my fabulous life.

We loaded up (after a 43 minute mad dash for the baby, Elsa Pants, under beds, on the porch, in a kitchen cabinet – although I can’t blame her because she was getting to ride in a box) and were on our way. The two older cats got to stay back and receive topical treatment when I got home – which didn’t go over well with the three in my petmobile.

To the vet we go...

Never a dull moment.

When we finally got to the vet, I realized that my Louis Vuitton (my sixth baby), literally had shit in it because that’s where this blonde thought it was a good place to house the Ziplocs of feces when rounding the fur balls up.

Loaded Louis.

Loaded Louis.

Patient patients.

Patient patients.

Sweet Elsa Pants had no choice but to be patient in her box because she might as well be a greased pig running down a high school hallway during a Senior prank when out and about.

No choice. We have a runner.

We have a runner.

Ted and Elsa took their topical worm treatments like pros. Precious on the other hand, ate her way through 18 pill pockets and STILL didn’t get the pill down.

Do your dogs do this?

Do your dogs do this?

After five attempts with a pill popper, the vet techs (yes, plural) were successful but someone wasn’t thrilled.

Try Me.

The winning weekend news though was that Teddy gained a pound since February (which is fab, since he lost half his body weight last year due to illness).

Bad news is Precious also gained a pound since February.

The worst news is that yours truly has gained 15 pounds in the same time frame.

POUNDS

Trifecta of emotional eaters.

Better news is that my pharmacist still knows how bananas I am over my pussies since I get to renew pet prescriptions at Walgreens.

Still crazy.

Best news is that Elsa Pants forgave quickly.

Elsa

While I was very busy running around after fur balls and excavating worms, my Iowa twins were all gussied up at their first go ’round as wedding participants.

Ring runner and flower girl.

Flower girl and ring runner.

You know they were highly rewarded for their fabulous efforts..

IMG_2702

IMG_2703

Turns out, someone takes a little too much after Auntie CBXB in the party department.

Party

Sleeping beauty had one too many slices of cake.

Sunday was spent with Dada CBXB doing what we do best in celebration of Father’s Day.

Day drink!

Day drink!

Here’s hoping your week is off to a worm free, winning start.

Cheers!

CBXB

CBXB!

To Dads Who Rock Our Worlds

An ode to my dad, the dude who’s taught me quite a few important life lessons worth sharing …

#1) The art of playing dress up.

One should never take themselves too seriously (doesn’t he make a beautifully awkward looking woman?).

Teach the importance of playing dress up.

Kid and Pam. Duo of the Halloween circuit (click here to read about it).

#2) Giving good fashion tips and showing the importance of taking risks.

I may never have rocked neon pink jeans or turquoise sneakers if I hadn’t seen my dad risking it by wearing a pink feather boa.

Oh, pink feathers would look good on me!

It takes balls to boa.

#3) Instilling the importance of a family tradition during holidays.

Thus taking this lesson to heart, I’ve turned into a Halloween, Christmas, Valentine’s Day, Easter, anything-that-has-a-theme seasonal maniac.

Help you fall in love with holidays, so now you're a maniac when it comes to

Pumpkin carving passion 101.

#4) Schooling me on the art of loving your birthday so much, it’s your favorite day of the year.

My birthday is in late March (and if you must know, three months exactly after Christmas), therefore it’s my birthday month. And, although it’s June, I’m still accepting presents and celebratory cocktails. I really took this lesson to heart. Thanks Dad.

Teach the imporance of a celebration

I’m all business when it comes to taking tips on the art of blowing candles out.

#5) Showing the almighty ability to shake it up and party down without spilling your cocktail on the dance floor.

This might be the most important lesson learned from my father. I’ve fallen down stairs, tripped in grass and jumped into a pool without losing a drop of liquor from my glass. TALENT taught well.

Dancing maching

Drip dry dancing machines. Liquor in tact!

#6) Establishing the idea that no matter what, your family will be there to pick you up in times of need.

Like the time I accidentally got shit faced at my sister’s bachelorette party and couldn’t walk to the car because my feet hurt.

My feet hurt, I need a lift.

My heels are killing me! I need a lift.

Stiff as a board but sure as shit not light as a feather...especially after cocktailing.

A family effort trying to throw my dad’s back out.

Are we there yet? I think I just threw my dad's back out.

The dude who’s carried me through life like a champ.

Whether your dad is still cruising the streets or has departed to the big party in the sky, I’m raising my glass to each and everyone this Sunday.

Happy Father’s Day to all of the dads that have rocked our worlds.

Cheers!

CBXB

CBXB!

Dads Rock

An ode to my dad, the dude who’s taught me quite a few important life lessons worth sharing …

#1) The art of playing dress up.

One should never take themselves too seriously (doesn’t he make a beautifully awkward looking woman?).

Teach the importance of playing dress up.

Kid and Pam. Duo of the Halloween circuit (click here to read about it).

#2) Giving good fashion tips and showing the importance of taking risks.

I may never have rocked neon pink jeans or turquoise sneakers if I hadn’t seen my dad risking it by wearing a pink feather boa.

Oh, pink feathers would look good on me!

It takes balls to boa.

#3) Instilling the importance of a family tradition during holidays.

Thus taking this lesson to heart, I’ve turned into a Halloween, Christmas, Valentine’s Day, Easter, anything-that-has-a-theme seasonal maniac.

Help you fall in love with holidays, so now you're a maniac when it comes to

Pumpkin carving passion 101.

#4) Schooling me on the art of loving your birthday so much, it’s your favorite day of the year.

My birthday is in late March (and if you must know, three months exactly after Christmas), therefore it’s my birthday month. And, although it’s June, I’m still accepting presents and celebratory cocktails. I really took this lesson to heart. Thanks Dad.

Teach the imporance of a celebration

I’m all business when it comes to taking tips on the art of blowing candles out.

#5) Showing the almighty ability to shake it up and party down without spilling your cocktail on the dance floor.

This might be the most important lesson learned from my father. I’ve fallen down stairs, tripped in grass and jumped into a pool without losing a drop of liquor from my glass. TALENT taught well.

Dancing maching

Drip dry dancing machines. Liquor in tact!

#6) Establishing the idea that no matter what, your family will be there to pick you up in times of need.

Like the time I accidentally got shit faced at my sister’s bachelorette party and couldn’t walk to the car because me feet hurt.

My feet hurt, I need a lift.

My heels are killing me! I need a lift.

Stiff as a board but sure as shit not light as a feather...especially after cocktailing.

A family effort trying to throw my dad’s back out.

Are we there yet? I think I just threw my dad's back out.

The dude who’s carried me through life like a champ.

Whether your dad is still cruising the streets or has departed to the big party in the sky, I’m raising my glass to each and everyone this Sunday.

Happy Father’s Day to all of the dads that have rocked our worlds.

Cheers!

CBXB

CBXB!