Weekend Winks – Holy Shits, Dips and Shots

There’s all kinds of crazy taking place in my Nashville bubble and I can’t say that I hate it.

Precious and I made our Billboard.com debut in music artist Ryan Kinder’sStill Believe in Crazy Love,” (scroll all of the way to the bottom of the article to watch the entire) video. There’s a long, fabulous story behind this experience I will share later (regarding Rapegate) but I did what any normal person does when they have their two seconds of fame.

Celebrating on a budget.

No pawtographs, please.

Naturally, I had to go out to toast my newfound famousness and First Mate was happy to oblige my obsession with myself.

Why am I not being bombarded?

While I basked in my glow of nothingness, the Iowa twins continue to morph into little people and are more hilarious than ever.

Princess B has been rocking pigtails, enjoying the Indian summer above the Mason Dixon line while she cheers her bro on in anything sports related.

Smiles for miles.

No. No it does not get any cuter.

Speaking of sports, I’ve been nil reporting on our tailgating shenanigans and Dada CBXB and I were in full force this weekend.

Her version of tailgating.

Our version of tailgating included almost every liquor under the sun, my dad’s self-dubbed “World Famous Wings,” the blogfamous “Eat Shit and Die Guacamole,” and snacks to soak up our hope of scoring any points against the number four ranked Penn State.

Spread right.

I made sure to be gussied up with sparkles and shine for a little extra luck for my Hawks.

Black, gold and perfectly bold Keds for Kate Spade sneakers.

Trying to one up Gwen Stefani by wearing my boyfriend’s face on my shirt instead of my shoe.

Much to our delight, we were able to do a traditional touchdown shot right before halftime because the Hawkeyes scored. Yeehaw!

We just wanted to drink….we didn’t think it’d actually be a good game!

As the second half wore on, our Cinderella team grew thisclose to beating the Nittany Lions with a last minute touchdown. Did you hear me screaming Saturday night?

 

The Hawkeyes did not hear my victory cries because they lost during the last play of the game with four seconds left. But we did an “E” for effort shot and are proud fans for hanging that close as an unranked, always overlooked team.

How ’bout them Hawks?!

Losers brunch was delish, as it was my dad’s self-dubbed “World Famous Omelette,” which never disappoints.

Breakfast of non-champions.

It’s been just over a month since I suddenly lost the furry little love of my life, Ted. And while I can’t yet write a full post about the magnitude of his loss to me, I miss him every single second of every single day.

But funny how I saw this Facebook memory and within minutes received a message from the gal who runs the cat rescue in which I’m a poster child, saying there may be someone I should go check out at Pet Smart if I was ready.

I have a love/hate relationship with the fucking memories that pop up on Facebook daily.

It took all of four seconds with my torso in the kennel to decide what the next chapter of pussy life will be like at the mini manse.

READY

A little shopping around with my newest pussy and shooting our first selfie before heading home.

Who doesn’t do this?

While the newest member of the fam has decided his fave place is under my bed, updates will follow as I mold him into my sidekick. Boy, he doesn’t know what the fuck he’s in for – hope he’s ready by Halloween for matching outfits.

Here’s to having a fabulous week.

Cheers!

CBXB

 

Weekend Weeks – Redneck Style

The South gets a bad rap for people doing stupid things and I wanted to jump on the bandwagon this past weekend. Doesn’t it make sense to have a couple of cocktails and then get guns out of the closet?

Red neck? Fabulously trashy? Ultra stupid to give me a machine gun?

Redneck? Fabulously trashy? Ultra stupid to give me a machine gun?

First Mate and Mr. Mate recently got home from vacation, setting up shop in their front yard. Naturally, I needed to go and see what the hell they’d been up to so we convened at their palace Friday evening.

You can see why we're friends, right?

You can see why we’re friends, right?

After a few rounds of Skinny Pirates, Mr. Mate decided it’d be a good time to show me a gun he recently handcrafted. Smart, yes?

Palm trees, cactus and a horse...what more could one ask for?

Palm trees, cactus and a horse…what more could I need? A homemade machine gun, of course.

Billy Bad Ass.

You can stop holding your breath.  This piece wasn’t loaded.

This is heavy.

Reacting to the heaviness of this metal –  I could never be Rambo.

Photo bombing Mr. Mate as he was trying to have a pic snapped of him. I'm such a bitch.

Photo bombing Mr. Mate as he was trying to have a pic snapped of himself and his weapons. I’m such a bitch.

Since I consider myself a professional photo bomber, I always love to see the work of other PBs in action. Look what my friend’s dog did to her sweet baby…

Cute baby bombed by Spanky the dog.

Spanky the dog should probably be my side kick.

You know how my kit cat Teddy has been such a shit about the entire moving process we’ve been going through the last month and refused to snuggle with me for weeks on end? Look what I woke up to on Saturday morning.  A wet nose, a tiny smile and major purring. We’re back together again!

He's baaaaack1

All is forgiven. FINALLY.

After my morning love fest, I took my rear outside and revamped a tired, light green wicker chair I inherited from my folks. One coat of metallic silver and poof! New life for the old chair (hope my parents never want it back).

Never met a spray paint I didn't like

Never met a can of spray paint I didn’t love.

My ever-constant hero, Dad came in to remedy a slight problem in my laundry closet. A washer and dryer that won’t let the doors slide shut. Oops.

Dad to the rescue!

Dad to the rescue!

Who needs doors when you can hang a shower curtain? Holla!

Laundry hero!

Laundry hero!

While I was busy making my dad sweat away,  my little cuties from Iowa were having a pool party. Looks like my niece B is taking after her Auntie CBXB. She can ‘turn it on’ whenever she sees a camera. My nephew B on the other hand, can’t quite figure the damn contraption out.

Camera!

Camera!

What the what?

What the what?

First Mate pimped out Mr. Mate on Saturday evening for all kinds of hanging shit up fun at my new mini-manse.

Husband honey do for some other chick is any man's dream come true on a Saturday night.

Husband honey do for some other chick is any man’s dream come true on a Saturday night, right?

Our (his) efforts were a huge success, as we got my ‘piece de resistance’ mirror up, centered perfectly (I had nothing to do with that) on the wall. Celebrate!

We wanted to capture the spirit of Johnny Cash. Did we do it?

We wanted to capture the spirit of Johnny Cash. Did we do it?

All of the bossing around on Saturday evening really wore me out, so on Sunday I busted a move up to the pool and there was no one else there!

Peaceful pool.

Private pool.  That’s how I roll.

Upon my return to the mini manse, I was greeted with water dripping out of my bathroom light fixture. You can imagine how thrilled I was – especially since this is the second leak I’ve had in less than a month.

Leaks are fun. Especially when you've had two in 30 days. Neat.

Leaks are fun.

Before using the saucepan above for a tiny swimming pool, I made my second supper in the new place. Skinny spaghetti, which inadvertantly ended up looking like Mickey Mouse.

Which strangely ended up looking like Mickey Mouse.

Sorry Minnie.

Ted remains completely famfoozled over the noises coming from above him (you know, neighbors walking around), so he parked it on the bar for the remainder of the weekend to de-stress.

Taking after his mother.

Taking after his mother.

Cheers to a fabulous week!

CBXB

CBXB!

Weekend Winks – Shit Show Style

You know how you feel when life decides to sucker punch you in the face? I am familiar with the feeling (aren’t we all?). Going about our business, minding our own business and tending to our business, when out of the blue the sky seems to fall an our life becomes an immediate shit show…

Thank God for t-shirts that say it all.

Thank God for t-shirts that say it all and before noon screwdrivers.

It’d been one of those weeks (that seems to keep reoccurring over the last four months) and I couldn’t wait to meet up with my First Mate and her hubs for a few happy hour libations on Friday.

The happy hour trio

The happy hour trio.

It was a dreary start to the weekend, so we were more than happy to stay dry and hydrate our livers while rain soaked the Nashville streets.

on a dreary day

This calls for another round.

Just what the weekend ordered....a Skinny Pirate.

Just what the weekend ordered….a Skinny Pirate.

Cheersing to the weekend!

And many repeated cheers to the weekend!

Happy to return home and snuggle with my main feline squeeze Teddy B., I found a note taped to my door, which was odd but then thought maybe it was a letter from a secret admirer or better yet a clue to the beginning of a very cool scavenger hunt…but of course it wasn’t anything of such fun.

Letter of lovely news.

Letter of lovely news.

My mini-manse (and the zip code it comes with – read here) is one side of a duplex and the owner’s stoner son lives on the other half with his gal pal.  This note I received basically said in a very formal way, “I got my girlfriend pregnant on accident and now you’re f’d because we need your side of the duplex by the end of July because we don’t have any money to move and need more space. Sorry and let us know if we can do anything.”

First, I was utterly flabbergasted, as when my neighbor told me of the pregnancy news a few months ago, I asked him point-blank if they’d need my space with the answer being, “No, we’d move out before asking you to.  You’re totally fine – you may just be getting a new tenant.”

Second, I was completely livid that I’m paying the price for someone else’s life changing event. And can you do anything for me? You bet your ass you can. Do you have $3,000 for first and last month’s rent, pet deposit, security deposit and moving expenses? Oh, and about 12 hours per week to look at places during lunch, after work and all weekend long? Along with hours for the boxing and organizing your belongings?

Lastly, I kinda lost my mind. Life hasn’t been easy the past few years and I’ve taken solitude and pride in my little slice of my neighborhood, being able to scrape by and have finally – in the past few weeks – felt that I was getting back up on my feet financially. So this news feels like salt being scooped by the barrel into an open wound.

So what’s a gal do when she goes off the deep end? Buy a pack of cigarettes of course (which by the way, are the most expensive habit in the world. $6 for one pack? WTF?). I am a non-non-non smoker. Like don’t socially smoke. Never crave a cigarette. But once every decade it seems as if the moment of sheer insanity raids my body and I feel the need to become a chain smoker.

CODE RED

CODE RED

While sitting outside, bawling my eyes out I thought I would share just how ridiculous I look while smoking (and as I threw butts in the yard (because I’m having an acrimonious moment and can do that), I was secretly hoping a smolder might catch the lawn on fire…).

Smoking wreck

Smoking wreck. Not a natural when it comes to nicotine.

And while I let this news get the better of me –  I missed out on a friend’s party, a few days of Nashville sunshine, working out and maybe single-handedly gave myself lung cancer in one sitting – I ran out to have my dad ‘baby’ me (you know, say things will be OK while I’m crying, take me to eat Mexican and offer to pay on student loan bills so I have a little extra dough for moving) on Saturday night. Sometimes you just need your stand-by guy.

Dad's to the rescue...

Dad to the emotional rescue!

While this news isn’t the end of the world (although it truly did feel like it this weekend), it just snapped me back into place of being the girl who once again needs all the help she can get, as I watched my pride sink back into the size of an inch worm. Luckily, I have amazing family, friends and a fur ball who stand by my side – whether it be forcing me out of my house to get fresh air (and a cocktail), wiping the snot off my nose or making sure I don’t resort to selling my body for extra moving money (I’m kidding mother), I know everything will be fine.

Cuddle dud let me maul him into the wee hours of the evenings.

Cuddle dud let me maul him into the wee hours of the evenings.

On my way out of my beloved mini-manse, I’ll want to leave a note that simply says “SUCK IT.” And while I probably won’t, I will definitely be leaving behind a box of condoms.

Happy times are here again!

CBXB

CBXB!

Weekend Winks – Gunslingin’ Style

Friday nights call for good times at my favorite Nashville watering hole, Dalts.  With a little help from my First Mate and her hubs Mr. Mate we made sure our livers were nicely saturated.

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Sometimes you wanna go where everybody knows your name…

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Enjoying the best Skinny Pirates in town, while toasting a big cheers to Papa Ottorino.

Mr. Mate gifted me a birthday present (yes, my birthday was in March…yes, I accept presents all year round) that will come in handy while at the shooting range (to learn about my lunch time, redneck shenanigans, click here).

Blah

Pink sunglasses, ear plugs and ear phones. Love.

Of course it made sense to try my new accessories on immediately and look like an asshole at the bar.

What? I can't hear you.

What? I can’t hear you.

Also making perfect sense was holding a 20 minute photo shoot, displaying my new giddy up.

Ear condems

My fancy new ear condoms.

Don't mess with CBXB

Don’t mess with CBXB (especially after a few Skinny Pirates).

Gunslingers

Tough lookin’ gunslingers, huh?

I caught Teddy in his own cocktails when I returned home.

But unlike his mother he detests being photographed while slurping.

Doesn't like to be interrupted while slurping

GAWD MOM! Enough already.

Saturday morning found Ted and I cozied up in bed so snuggly, that we couldn’t get up and were forced to watch hours of TV.

Snuggle time

TB’s favorite nook.

Leave me alone!

And cranny.

We were interrupted by a string of texts featuring my folks, who manage to somehow cram every corner of Home Depot in my dad’s teeny, tiny clown car (seriously – the man is 6’4″ and we’ve dubbed his ride “The Fred Flintstone Mobile” because he his knees are practically up to his ears when he drives – and if he really needed to, Dad could break through the car floor and move the vehicle with his feet). Except on Saturday, my folks weren’t Fred and Wilma.  They were Tarzan and Jane squeezing a tree, four bags of mulch, flower-pot and a bird feeder into a car that appears no bigger than a go-kart.

Tarzan

Tarzan – trying to see through the windshield.

and Jane...

And Jane…acting as the ‘eyes’ on the way home.

I also received a few pictures via text from Iowa. Apparently, my niece is taking after her Auntie…

Ruffles make my butt look big? I said she takes after her Auntie CBXB

Do ruffles make my butt look big?

My nephew is almost to cool for the crib as he rocks a pair of skinny jeans (which I’m sure he’ll be killing his mother over (and me, too for posting on a blog), while posing so sweetly.

Chillin' in skinnies...he needs to move to East Nashville, since he's such a hipster.

This kid needs to move to East Nashville, since he’s such a hipster.

After forcing my lazy rear out of bed, I went for a run in the beautiful 80 degree, non-humid day.

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Then I rewarded my efforts with cocktails on the patio wing of my mini manse.

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Every mile merits a Skinny Pirate. Right?

Sunday found a belated Mother’s Day outing for CBXB’s Mama.

Like mother, like daughter!

Like mother, like daughter!

A Bellini or a Mimosa? Why not both?

Bottomless...

Double the cheers!

And who else wanted to join in the celebration of my mom? Well, Leonardo DiCaprio, of course.

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You have yourself a sparkly day Mama CBXB!

He may have been toasting his love, Daisy during the moving The Great Gatsby but girls can dream, can’t they?

CBXB

CBXB!

Weekend Winks

A fun Friday night out to see the Nashville Predators take on the Vancouver Canuks.

First mate and fang fingers

First Mate and I hanging at the arena bar (I mean, where else would we meet?)!

To keep the cost of drinks down (arena prices are $7 for a single, $14 for a double and you all know what I’d order), I stash my own flask and become a very germaphobe bar tender in a bathroom stall.

Don't tell I'm up to no good.

Up to no good.

The toilet paper dispenser acts as my bar, I stuff the lid in my mouth (to keep germs at bay) and pour out half of the Sprite (it was a vodka night) in the toilet (being sure to keep the cup three feet above the seat).

Classy bathroom bar.

Classy bathroom bar with an even classier bar tender.

I have a thing for mascots. I mean a crazy lady thing (which won’t come as a surprise when I tell you that the Preds mascot is a giant cat).  Here’s my boyfriend, Gnash making his appearance, repelling down from the ceiling.

My boyfriend, Gnash

He’s such a stud.

With great seats and a vodka filled cup, fun times were had although the Preds lost 1-0.

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Even Carrie Underwood’s pretty husband (yes, he’s pretty, not handsome) couldn’t help the team score.

Even Carrie Underwood's pretty hubs couldn't help.

But Mike Fisher was fun to oogle over anyhow.

Being the fashion diva I think I am, what about this ensemble…backpack, knee-length (which look good on…who?) Mom shorts and sneakers with no socks?

Enough to drive me to drink! So I did.

Upon leaving the game and heading toward the honky tonks, this gentleman kindly reminded the crowd that if you don’t live a clean life, you’ll go to hell.

In case you were wondering

In case you were wondering…

Where do you think I’ll go?

Heaven or Hell?

Heaven or Hell?

Once again at Robert’s Western World (for the second time in two days…think the band members are pretty sure I’m stalking them), The Don Kelley Band   played my favorite dancing song – only this time I didn’t have to dance alone (read all about it here).

This time around, my dancing skills scored me a crisp $100 bill.

Tip money!

OK, really someone’s friend wanted to buy us a round but gave me the dough, so I pretended it was a tip. (A girl can dream about her dancing skills!)

The overload of cocktail money caused me to pull double duty on the drinks.

Art of double fisting. Classy!

Art of the double fist.

Due to the amounts of liquor consumed, Friday was a late night and Teddy was a little bitch on Saturday because I’d interrupted his beauty sleep at 2am.

Not a happy camper.

Not a happy camper.

As I was gearing up for my Saturday evening events, I chose some new kicks to debut.  Only thing is they creaked with every single step I took.

WD40 please

Is there a WD-40 for boots?

A quick happy hour with gal pals to commence my Saturday festivities.

Friends and cocktails good way to begin Saturday evening

Another round please!

Seeing my very favorite bar tender – who pours Skinny Pirates perfectly (he’s actually the one who nailed the concoction all those years ago at Dalts. Sigh).

Favorite bartender

Think he makes house calls?

Making the switch from my Captain to red wine, as I celebrated a birthday at a swanky little Nashville Italian joint.

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When in Rome….

On Sunday, I excitedly anticipated the Academy Awards while Teddy was still in recovery from my late weekend nights.

Image

My Oscar evening included champagne and pretty pink (what else would you expect?) frosted cupcakes.

Fancy cupcake for the fancy evening.

Fancy cupcake for the fancy evening.

Teddy got a second wind and insisted on sitting in the front row for the actual awards broadcast.

my oscar view

My Oscar view.

And I’m happily starting Monday off in this fabulous, bedazzled skull studded tank my gal Tina gifted me this weekend (think she knows me very well?).

Stargin Monday off bedazzled in my new threads from my girlie, Tina.

Kickin’ ass and takin’ names today!

Here’s hoping you do the same.

CBXB

CBXB!

Weekend Winks

I excitedly kicked off my Nashville weekend by finding these oh-so-fabulous fingerless gloves in the girl’s department (I have small hands) at Target for $3.99 (click here to purchase)!

Assuming

Who wouldn’t want these sparkly hand accessories?!

I celebrated the return of one of my favorite shows – Cougar Town (don’t let the title fool you – a quick-witted show with A LOT of wine drinking fun!) with my First Mate (click here to read about our Redneck Red Carpet experience).

Intermission

My First Mate, excited for girls night TV!

Toast to our favorite Jules.

A toast to our favorite TV character, Jules.

To prepare for our viewing, First Mate brought wine to share….except she accidentally poured an entire bottle in her glass.

Yes, just poured the entire bottle in the glass.

It’s just one glass….

But luckily for me, she brought two bottles of wine and I couldn’t let her drink alone (being the gracious host that I am, naturally).

Can't let the First Mate drink alone

Bottoms up!

Then Teddy had to get in on the action, of course.

I wanna!

TB couldn’t figure out if he wanted red or white.

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He ended up going red.

One of my co-workers texted this picture to me (found on Pinterest) and thought I might need it for my birthday this year but only with pink flowers (duh).

Feed me!

Feed me! Who of my baking friends can whip this up?

Teddy’s cousin, Gunner (click here to read about their matching Halloween outfits) had an incident with ice in the frigid Iowa weather.

Nephdog and his icy paw

He’s OK! Just a minor cut. But look at that face!

And my dad apparently can’t let the holiday season go, still sporting his Griswold Family Christmas t-shirt (but who can blame him, as it’s one of the funniest holiday movies ever!).

with no Christmas to go

Real nice, Clark. My favorite part of the outfit are the socks. Seriously?!

Another night of fun with the girls, celebrating a recent engagement.

Damage was done..by seven girls.

Damage was done..by seven ladies .

The party was a success (as seen above) and I was able to keep the photo bombing art alive – with a sneaky side plank (I’m getting so adventurous).

Keeping the photo bombing alive...side plank style. Although I got caught.

Is it still a photo bomb if you get caught?

Because he was such a good kit cat during the party, Ted got to go for a spin around town during a thunderstorm.

Ted enjoying a spin around Nashville during a thunderstorm.

Soaking it all in.

And we both spent the remainder of the weekend curled up, watching the Golden Globe Awards. Teddy and I pretended we were Joan and Melissa Rivers judging celebs’ attire as they paraded down the red carpet while we stuffed our faces with guacamole (me) and frozen peas (Ted).

love

Hello award season!

Ending Sunday evening with a little rest for the weary. All the weekend shenanigans really wore TB out. And maybe me too...

TB was one pooped pussy.

And a kick-ass surprise awaited my arrival at work today – a pink Eiffel Tower that my boss brought me from his weekend trip to Paris.

Hello

Wonder why he thought of me?

Ayez une semaine fabuleuse!

CBXB

Weekend Winks

Almost time for a tender Tennessee Christmas!

Awaiting the arrival of my sister and her hubs Friday, I snuggled with my main pirate squeeze…

Just a cozy Friday night with my favorite Captain.

Just a cozy Friday night with my favorite Captain.

After my hot date with the statue and my company’s arrival, we went to Nashville’s fabulous version of a speakeasy – The Patterson House.  Low lighting, velvet curtains, hand crafted drinks and fancy finger food make this establishment a favorite .

Open Invitation with a cinnamon star.

‘Open Invitation’ was my vodka cocktail of choice that included some sort of bitters, an egg white and a cinnamon star as garnish.

After a few cocktails and a sip of apple pie moonshine, Friday night kinda felt like this…

Friday night kinda felt like this after a sip of apple pie moonshine....

Of course Teddy was appalled at his mother’s behavior and sulked on the ugliest blanket I own.

Ted can make a bed anywhere. He just loves claiming the ugliest blanket i own as his.

So over me.

He carried on and on and on about how late we kept him up, disrupting his beauty sleep.

My Bear turned into a lion before a cat nap.

My Bear turned into a lion before a cat nap.

A stop in the mall and I caught two of my favorite (and cutest) fans telling Santa what he must bring them this year.

My best bud Santa taking requests from two of my smaller faves.

My best bud Santa taking requests from two of my smaller faves.

More fun in store as I celebrated my First Mate’s birthday and Christmas over our favorite, strawberry martinis at The Cheesecake Factory.

First Mate and I celebrating her birthday and Christmas.

Happy Birthmus!

First Mate gifted me a few trashy treasures as a nod to my White Trash Wednesdays here at CBXB and it’s one of the best presents ever.

Trashy treasures from my First Mate. Candy cigs and an RV frame. Sigh.

Candy cigs and an RV frame. LOVE!

I mean, who doesn’t love a candy cigarette?

https://cowboysandcrossbones.files.wordpress.com/2012/09/ryan-megan-smoking.png

Classy kids like my cousin and I loved kickin’ back with a sugared cancer stick.

After all of the holiday shenanigans, I needed a quite cocktail at home but soon realized I was almost out of wine. The horror!

Squeezing every last drop out of my boxed wine bag into my 30 ounce glass. Don't judge. It's the holidays!

Squeezing every last drop out of my boxed wine bag into my 30 ounce glass. Don’t judge. It’s holiday time!

And, I’m pretty sure I’m going to make this chalkboard a staple outside of my front door:

This sign just makes me happy.

This sign just makes me happy.

Very merry times, indeed.

CBXB