How to Prep for a Parade

Prepping for a parade in small town America is serious business.

A wave fit for an unclassy queen.

A wave fit for an unclassy queen.

First things first, you must start the day off on the right foot in order to be thinking clearly when decorating your parade chariot.

First

Breakfast of parade day champions.

Once you’re finished guzzling down breakfast, it’s time to pimp the parade rides.

Prep

Our parade committee working on finishing touches.

Gussied up golf cart

Gussied up golf cart.

It is important that you get gaudy as humanly possible in your finest parade threads.

Get as gaudy as humanly possible in your finest parade threads.

A parade queen and princess adorned in the finest plastic necklaces you can find in America.

Be sure your parade float is tuned up and ready to roll (even though you won’t be driving and are too busy drinking Bloody Marys).

1952 Triumph TR3

A 1952 Triumph TR3 acting as my parade chariot.

Under the hood.

Looking good under the hood.

A hot rod of a classic car can never, ever be driven without the appropriate hand ornaments.

We should have thrown Grey Poupon from the car instaed of candy.

With a driver like this, we should have thrown Grey Poupon instead of candy at parade gawkers.

Once the preparations are complete, check to make sure everyone is looking their holiday best.

Pops, CBXB and MMM ready to roll.

CBXB, Miami Mini Me and Pops ready to cruise.

If you happen to have more than one vehicle in the parade, be sure to scream and shout whenever you see them pass by.

Our other chariot.

Our other chariot.

Avoid the temptation of throwing out all of your candy at once by taking endless selfies.

Selfie 1,487 during a 10 street block parade. I have mad skills.

Selfie 1,487 during a 10 block parade. I know, I know. I have mad skills.

But don’t get too absorbed in selfies and forget to enjoy feeling like small town royalty while waving your patriotic scepter at parade bystanders.

This is how we roll.

This is how we roll.

Once the eight minute parade is over, your arm will ache from waving profusely at people who are wondering who in the hell you are, your hand will throb from throwing 32 pieces of candy you meant to aim at toddlers but accidentally threw it straight into the arms of bratty teenagers and you’ll need to drink another one of these STAT.

First

Parades are exhausting.

And while it may take many cocktails to help unwind from the exciting festivities, you’ll find satisfaction knowing the parade could not have been the same without you and your crew.

Cheers!

CBXB

CBXB!